Benefits
by Cain
Summary: COMPLETE. Push me, pull you, love you, hate you, want you, screw you...Tawny doesn't understand herself, but everyone else does. R&T.
1. The Beginning of the Things That Matter

**A/N: **Ok, so, here's fic number 3. As usual, minimum 3 reviews before an update, so please review! As of right now, this fic is not destined to be as long as 'Collide' (though things keep getting added to my outline so who knows how long it will end up being), nor is it as unplanned as 'These Things We Do', but like both of those it will once again find Ren and Tawny in a more-than-friends capacity. This one might be a little slow in getting off the ground as I still have a few issues to work out plot-wise, but I've decided to begin posting. Methinks this chapter is a bit rushed but it is what it is. Oh, and did I make that summary sound like a perfect soap opera or what? And, by the by, I don't own _Even Stevens_.

**Benefits**

**Chapter One: The Beginning of the Things That Matter**

"So, how has everybody's first day of school gone?" Tom Gribalski asked jovially as he took a seat beside Tawny at lunch.

"Why do you even ask?" Twitty replied. He and Louis were sitting across the table.

"Another year to expand our intellectual horizons is upon us, boys," Tom grinned, glancing at Tawny. "And lady."

"Expanding our—Tom, you're just expanding my headache, ok? So can it," Louis snapped, shaking his head and grinning at Twitty. "He just becomes more of a geek every day."

Twitty laughed.

Tawny rolled her eyes, turned to Tom, who appeared only slightly wounded by Louis' remarks—he'd taken the harassment for years, it wasn't about to bug him now-- and answered him. "My day's been ok. I have Journalism next period."

"You've taken up the pen for the school, then?" Tom asked.

"No," she grinned. "I accidentally got put in."

"I could see you on the school paper, easily," Tom smiled. "You're a very talented writer."

"What's with the sucking up to Tawny, Tom?" Louis asked, laughing. "You think _you_ have a shot with her?"

"_You're_ with me, Louis. So anything is possible," Tawny scoffed, getting up to leave.

"Where are you going?" Louis asked.

"Somewhere you aren't," she replied coldly.

"Dude," Twitty sighed. "You've been making her mad a lot lately."

"I know," Louis shook his head. "Thanks for that, Tom. And did she say she has paper next? I thought photo was sixth period. I signed up for it just to have a class with her."

"Dude, she told you not to take photo with her again. She said you ruined the class for her last year."

"She wasn't serious, Twitty," Louis said.

"I don't know, man, she seemed--"

"Now I'm in photo and Tawny's not? What am I going to do in photo without Tawny? Who am I going to make out with in the loading booth?"

"Tawny never made out with you in the loading booth."

"Why are you raining on my parade?" Louis asked. "We've been together for over a year-- fifteen months-- fights happen."

"I know," Twitty shrugged. "I'm just saying she seemed serious about not wanting you to take photo with her during forcasting."

"Why wouldn't she want to take it with me? She loves me. I'm her boyfriend. She can't get enough of me."

"Then why'd she leave the table?"

"Shut up, Tom, do you have a girlfriend?"

Tom didn't answer.

"Exactly. So don't think you are qualified to be giving advice."

Tom nodded.

* * *

"You and Charlotte have to do something for your anniversary, Ren!" Ruby squealed. 

"It's our seventh month anniversary, Ruby," Ren shook her head. "You don't need to do something for every month. Just one, six, ten, and then yearly."

"Exactly. What did you two do for your last month's anniversary?"

Ren paused, and sighed. "Nothing."

"So, you have to make up for it. Surprise her!"

Ren turned to her ecstatic friend and grabbed her shoulders. "Ruby, honey, chill out."

"Ok, ok, I'm sorry," Ruby laughed. "It's just… you've never been in a relationship that's lasted this long!"

"Perhaps because my previous partners were boys."

"Yeah, I know, but still. Now you've found someone and you're happy. And it's all…perfect. Ren Stevens is finally perfect in every way. You should be happy."

"I am, but I am also Editor-in-Chief of the school paper—the first non-senior to ever be Editor-in-Chief—and I have to give a pep talk to my staff, which is too small, and assign stories and I'm a little nervous and focused on that right now. It's my first class after lunch."

"Hey, Ren, Ruby," Charlotte greeted them in the hall way, giving Ren a quick peck on the cheek. "Have you guys eaten already?"

"No, we were looking for you," Ren smiled, slipping an arm around her girlfriend's waste.

Ren had first met Charlotte in 7th grade and they'd fasr become best friends—more than that to Ren, but that didn't come out for a couple years, even in light of mad jealousy she revealed when Charlotte's former best friend, Yvette, came for a visit. Charlotte had moved to Sacramento from Topeka, Kansas when her dad transferred, and when he was transferred back half-way through 8th grade, Charlotte moved back. Back to Topeka, back to Yvette. A broken-hearted Ren forced her from her mind and set about focusing on school work and boys—if you liked boys you fit in better anyway, even if it didn't really make you happy. But Charlotte had returned to Sacramento and reentered Ren's life half-way through sophomore year. With her returned all of Ren's feelings that she'd tried so hard to bury. By spring break Ren was out of the closet, and she and Charlotte were finally together.

And Ren Stevens was truly happy for the first time in her life.

* * *

Tawny had decided to go to Journalism early, in hopes of getting a chance to talk to the teacher or editor or whoever she needed to if she was to get out of the course. 

The classroom was empty when she arrived. Not having anything better to do, she took a seat and pulled out a small, black hard-cover book, filled with blank pages. Her aunt had given it to her as a gift over the summer, saying that since Tawny didn't have any siblings, and didn't confide much in her friends, it would be practical for her to keep a journal. She'd been careful to use the word journal as opposed to diary, knowing Tawny would scoff at the thought of being such a stereotypical girl.

She opened to the first blank page and picked up her pen. Hesitant, she had no idea where to even begin, or what to write about even... she wasn't about to waste paper venting about Louis' seeming inability to grow up at all. And it seemed pointless to just write down the things that had really been bothering her lately. It's not like the book would answer her in anyway. It's not like it would offer consoling advice.

"Hey, Tawny," Ren glanced over at her brother's girlfriend as she entered the classroom a planned eight minutes early, preoccupied with sifting through lists of story ideas her sub-editors has submitted. "I didn't know you were interested in journalism."

"I'm not, really," Tawny replied as she closed her book. She got up from her seat and made her way to Ren's side. "I got put in here by mistake. I'm supposed to have photography, actually. I think the class filled or something. Anyway, do you know how I could switch out?"

"Oh, well, you'll need to talk to Mr. Zimmer about that, but you should stay. Give it a try, you might like it," Ren smiled, knowing she could use every extra hand she could find. "Plus, we have a darkroom too. And it's always less crowded than the art darkroom, and has color developing. Maybe you could work as one of our photographers? As long as you keep up, no one will mind if you use it for personal work too. It's a small staff so you'd have to write too, but it's really not _that_ much work."

"I've heard it's an easy A," Tawny said, considering Ren's points. "Maybe I will give it a try."

The final lunch bell rang.

"You should," Ren nodded. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to sort out story ideas for the next issue before class starts, so…"

"Yeah, ok, thanks," Tawny nodded. As students began to file into the classroom, she returned to her seat by the window and waited for the syllabus to be passed her way. She put her journal back in her backpack, having added nothing to it.

The supervising teacher, Mr. Zimmer, gave a quick run through of the rules and a brief overview of proper writing styles for a newspaper before Ren stepped forward and began speaking.

"Hello, I'm Ren Stevens, many of you already know me, and those that don't I look forward to getting to know you and working with you this year. This year, things are going to be different at the Lawrence Daily Times. Many school papers focus too much on trivial stories about prom dresses and lunch menus—we're going to be writing about real things, things that actually matter. So, yes, prom will get its story in the spring but it's not going to be front-page. Front-page is going to be reserved for stories that need to be told. And there are plenty of stories here waiting to be told. You have to dig deep, find the truth and expose it. The students and faculty here have a right to know what's going on and it's out duty to report to them. Sports and A&E won't change much, but News will, and so will forums. The Forum section is for expressing your personal opinion on anything—but the forum stories that get printed will be the ones expressing opinions on important things, significant things. It's a place for you to share your thoughts with the entire student body and faculty, so use it wisely. Use it to tell us about something that really matters to you. If we all work together to accomplish this, if we all strive to dig as deep as we can for the stories waiting to be found, I know this year will be one of the greatest years in the history of the paper."

Everyone clapped, very perfunctory. Not that they didn't appreciate Ren Stevens and her gusto, but, they had more important things on their minds-- like parties and dates and that other thing that seemed to totally ellude Ren: _fun_.

Tawny grinned. Louis' sister had always perplexed her, though she'd never thought about her much.


	2. The UpDown

**Chapter Two: The UpDown**

Tawny patiently waited for Tom to finish reading the article she'd written for Forum, her first article for the paper.

He looked up, half-grinning. "Very good, indeed."

"Really? You think so?" Tawny replied, smiling as she took back her article.

"Yeah, a little…dirty, at times, but good."

She shrugged. "Hey, Ren wanted us to write about things that matter to our whole community. This matters."

"That it does," he nodded.

"I had a lot of fun writing it, actually. This whole school paper thing isn't half bad."

"Hey, Tawny, " Louis gave her a small kiss on the cheek before sitting down across from her. "Guess what?"

"What?"

"I've got a surprise for you tonight," he grinned.

"Really?" she said, tilting her head to the side and raising an eyebrow.

"Yep, pick you up 7:30ish?"

"Ok," she smiled.

He left the table, a huge grin plastered across his face. He flagged down Twitty and hurried off to deliver the good news.

"I like surprises," she said, turning to Tom. "Do you know what he has in mind?"

Tom shook his head. "All I know is he feels bad about how much he's been getting on your nerves lately, and has been trying to come up with something to make it up to you."

She nodded. "You should tell him all he has to do is start acting his age more often. He doesn't annoy me at all during those brief moments where he shows he is capable of being mature. But those moments are always punctuated by him shoving a carrot up his nose, or something like that. I laughed at that in seventh grade, I'm not laughing now. And he doesn't seem to notice that because _he_ is still laughing at it."

Tom nodded. "He tends to get defensive when I try to offer romantic advice."

"You know, one of these days you should remind him of the fact that you could easily kick his ass if you wanted."

Tom grinned. "That would not be appropriate."

"No, I guess not," Tawny laughed. "But fun, still."

"That being said, I think anyone could kick Louis' butt with little effort."

"Very true," Tawny agreed.

They laughed.

Tawny sighed. "It's just...so easy for him to bring out the bitch in me. He makes me feel like I'm ridiculously high-matainance when I know I'm not, compared to a lot of other girls anyway. And I put up with a lot from him."

"You do," Tom nodded. "We all do. He's Louis and we love him."

"Yeah," she shrugged. "I love him... I don't know if..."

"What?" Tom pressed when Tawny's voice trailed off.

"I just don't know if I'm _in love _with him, you know? I mean..." she hesitated. "How do you know when you're _in love_? As opposed to just loving someone."

Tom shook his head. "I couldn't tell you. But I've heard you just know."

She nodded. "I guess."

"You've never dated anyone else, Tawny," Tom said. "Maybe you should give that a try before settling for Louis."

"Who said I was settling?"

"For you, Tawny Dean, to be dating a guy like Louis Stevens..." he shrugged. "I'd say that's settling."

"That's not the nicest thing for a friend to say," she muttered.

"Neither is calling your friend a loser just because he asked how your day was going."

She nodded.

"I just think that you can do better than him."

She nodded again. "Honestly... I think I can too."

A few moments later the bell rang.

"Wish me luck," Tawny said as she gathered her things.

"Good luck," Tom replied.

* * *

"Ren!" Charlotte squealed as she came running down the hall. She threw her arms around Ren, squeezing her tightly, right outside Journalism. 

"Hey, honey, what's up?" Ren replied with a smile.

"Guess who's back in town? Permanently?"

"Who?"

"Yvette!"

Ren felt her stomach drop. "Yvette?"

"Yes, Yvette. Remember her? She's blonde, she was my best friend in Topeka. Her dad just got transferred here!" Charlotte was beaming.

Ren nodded and smiled, doing her best to look thrilled. _She loves you, why are you worried?_

"She's going to meet us after school, ok?"

"Yeah, of course."

Charlotte took Ren's face in her hands and planted a kiss on her forehead, then on her lips. "See ya after school then, sweetheart."

"Yeah," Ren nodded as Charlotte walked away. "We're fine. I don't have to be jealous. No reason to be--"

"Ren?"

Ren whirled around to find Tawny standing in the doorway behind her.

"You were talking to yourself?

"I, uh…no?"

"I want you to read my forum," Tawny stated, holding a copy of it out to Ren.

"I, well, actually, you're supposed to turn them in and then we divide them up among the sub-editors. I read the revised versions before going to print."

"Right, I know, I read the syllabus and all that, but you're the one who told me to stay in this class and give it a shot, and I've given it a shot… and I want to know what _you_ think."

Ren grinned. "Ok, I'll have a look."

"Thanks," Tawny said as she handed it to her.

"I have a few other things I have to do first, but I'll read it before the period ends. I'll let you know what I think after class—what do you have next?"

"Chem."

"Oh, perfect. I have Physics, I'll walk with you and we can talk about it then."

"Alright," Tawny nodded before taking her seat by the window and pulling out her journal.

She'd still yet to write anything in it, but the idea had come to her that she could write about various things and then polish them into forums for the paper. She'd have to write more traditional journalistic stories as well, for news or A&E, but she'd try to get a forum in as many issues as she could.

"Hey, Tawny," Ruby sat down beside her. "Are you getting interviewed for some art thing?"

"What? No, I'm in this class."

"Really? You've been here all week? I haven't even noticed you… probably because you sit back here in the corner, all alone," she laughed, brushing it off. "Can you read my article then? I normally make Ren do it, she doesn't like to since she's the Editor and everything, she wants to wait until their revised, but I make her read mine anyway… but she's busy and already has another one to read today so… what do you say we swap?"

"Ren's reading mine, actually," Tawny grinned. "Sorry to have stolen your spot, I didn't know."

"Oh, well, I see how it is. I have competition. I can handle that," Ruby grinned. "Can you still read mine?"

"Sure," Tawny smiled, taking Ruby's page long forum submission in her hand. "I wrote a forum too."

"Ooh, forum is the most competitive section."

"I know," Tawny nodded.

After reading Ruby's work, though it was by no means bad, Tawny felt her confidence considerably boosted. She even made the point to read a few other people's forum submissions… a few others, which turned into every forum article written for that week's issue. Tawny had never been arrogant, but her article was easily better than any one else's.

"Hey, Ren, I don't need you to edit my articles anymore, I got Tawny to do it. And she lets me get away with not using any contractions so that my word count is better."

"Oh, good for you," Ren grinned, shaking her head. "Hey, Ruby?"

"Yeah?"

"I need to talk to you for a minute," Ren said, making it sound urgent and pulling Ruby out of the classroom and into the hallway.

"Is everything ok?" Ruby asked, startled a little by Ren's tone.

"Charlotte's old friend Yvette is back in town. She's moved here, apparently."

"Really? You aren't too happy about that, I see."

"No, it's just… I mean, I don't have any reason to be jealous or anything. I know that. It's just… she's…Yvette."

"Look, you and Charlotte have been together for seven months, Ren. If you have a problem with Yvette, you should talk to her about it."

"I don't have any reason to have a problem with Yvette, not a substantial one anyway. And Charlotte is so happy that she's here…"

"But it bothers you? Why? Do you think that they were ever… more than friends?"

"I don't know."

Just then they heard Charlotte's voice echoing down the hall. They leaned out of the doorway, and located her, her cell phone glued to her ear, sitting on the ground by her locker. "I'm so glad you're back! I've missed you so much, Yvette… well, yeah… Ren, remember her?...oh, yeah… no, she's not into any of that…no, she's sweet… I like her a lot…"

"She loved me, now she just likes me a lot?" Ren questioned defensively, crossing her arms.

"Ren, she's--"

"And what am I not into? Yvette is trashing me already and we haven't even seen each other since eighth grade."

"You're being paranoid," Ruby said, dragging Ren back into the classroom. "Just relax, it's probably nothing. And there's no reason to jump to conclusions. Charlotte definitely won't be happy if she doesn't think you trust her."

Ren nodded in agreement, and sighed. "Ok, well, I have to read Tawny's article before the period ends, so…"

"Yeah, ok, just calm down," Ruby said, before venturing off to gab with other kids. "We'll talk more after class."

"Ok," Ren nodded and sat down to read Tawny's article.

From a distance Tawny watched, feeling pretty good about herself but completely unable to read Ren's reaction.

The bell rang and Ren packed up her things hurriedly.

Tawny made her way over to Ren, trying to contain in anxiousness. "What did you think?"

"We can't use it," Ren stated simply.

"What?" Tawny asked, surprised.

"It's not appropriate for a school paper, Tawny," Ren said, handing it back to her. "It's… it's very obviously not appropriate. I don't know why you'd even think we'd print it. There's no chance in hell."

Tawny was taken aback by Ren's straight-forward, cold tone. "I didn't think it was _that_…"

"Well, it was," Ren cut her off. "I'm sorry. But I have to go."

"Ok," Tawny said, hurt, angry, and confused as Ren hurried out the door to meet Ruby in the hall.


	3. The Art of Spite

**Chapter Three: The Art of Spite**

Tawny and Louis meandered aimlessly through the halls after eating lunch. His special surprise hadn't gone over well with her.

"Louis, I don't like Jim Carrey, you know that. I've never been a fan of him. I put up with plenty of your comedians, many of whom I don't find very funny, but Jim Carrey… I only liked him in _Eternal Sunshine_…"

"That movie sucked," Louis interrupted. "How could you not like this? I went through all the trouble to arrange this--"

"Trouble? You set up a projector in your basement to marathon movies with an actor I can't stand," Tawny interjected. "_Dumb and Dumber_. _Dumb and Dumber_! That's what you tried to win me over with! And you didn't even play the one movie of his I like at all. Do you even listen to me when I say things?"

"Of course!"

Tawny scoffed. "If it doesn't pertain directly to you, you don't listen."

"That's not true, Tawny. I just… I don't even understand a lot of the things you like. I mean, maybe you don't like the things I like as much as I do, but at least you understand them."

"They're rarely complex."

"Exactly. Nice and simple, that's what I'm all about. You want complicated? Date my sister!" he laughed.

Tawny rolled her eyes. "Your sister might be the reason I'm in such a bad mood, actually. And I'm taking it out on you. I'm sorry."

"What did Ren do to you?"

"She is refusing to use my article in the paper, and I know my paper is better than any of the other options—and that's not my ego talking, it's just the truth. I wrote a really good article and I'm proud of it. And she just says 'no' and that's that. She didn't even bother to explain what was wrong with it, other then that it was 'inappropriate', which it isn't, and…I always gave her the benefit of the doubt when you talked about her, Louis. But you're right, she's a controlling bitch."

"Oh, ouch," Louis grinned. "Being a little harsh there, Tawny. What was your article about? Maybe it just needs a little editing and then…"

"That's what she's supposed to do, edit it, tell me what to improve, tell me what's good, not just cut it altogether. She's just a conservative little--."

"I've never seen you go off on someone like this, and to think it's Ren…you know, she might've had other things going on or something. She is controlling but I'm sure she didn't mean to come off as harsh as you're making her sound. She likes you, she even said you were her favorite of all my girlfriends."

"I'm the only girlfriend you've ever had, you've only been on one date with another girl ever."

"Oh, yeah," he scratched his head. "Maybe that's what she was getting at when she said that then. Well, whatever, I don't think she meant to upset you. You should talk to her about it."

She shrugged. "I'm just in a bad mood, I guess. And I have that class next."

He nodded. "Well, catch you after school then."

Just as they were about to separate Twitty appeared beside them, an ear-to-ear grin plastered on his face. "Dude, I have the hugest news ever."

"What?" Louis and Tawny asked in unison.

"I totally just had sex in the janitor's closet with Meghan Henderson."

"Dude!"

"You… just… in the janitor's closet?" Tawny was startled. "With Meghan… I didn't know you two were…"

"What was it like?" Louis cut her off.

"It was sweet, man," Twitty replied, unable to stop smiling. "I am officially a man."

"You were a virgin? You lost your virginity in the janitor's closet?" Tawny felt like they were ignoring her completely.

"Meghan Hendricks, she's been around the block a few times, right?"

"Yeah, so it didn't hurt her or whatever," he replied, turning his attention to Tawny, as if she would be able to confirm.

"I've never... been with a guy, what am I supposed to know?"

"We could change that, you know," Louis said suggestively.

"Not after Jim Carrey night," she glared, containing the actual feelings his mention of it had triggered within her: Repulsion was the word that came to mind, but she thought it too strong. Though her stomach literally turned at the thought of having sex with Louis. She didn't think herself that annoyed with him. It had been like that for awhile though. Whatever attraction she'd had to him had dwindled sometime during freshman year, and was only lessening with each day... It wasn't a complete mystery, she supposed then. She knew what part of the reason for it was, anyway.

Twitty tilted his head to the side, wondering why Tawny had worded her statement as she did: "I've never been with a _guy_". But he refrained from making an actual comment.

"Now how long have you and Meghan been together, Twitty?" Tawny asked, breaking his brief train of thought.

"Oh, we're not," he replied. "We're just friends."

"But you had sex?"

"Welcome to the 21st century, Tawny," Louis laughed.

She glared at him. He acted like he was so experienced, when they all knew full well he wasn't.

"Yeah, it was her idea," Twitty nodded. "It was so sweet!"

The bell rang.

The three separated and headed to their respective classes.

Ren caught Tawny by the arm as she entered Journalism. "Hey, can I talk with you a moment?"

"Sure," Tawny replied flatly, her voice laced with ice.

Ren picked up on it. She cleared her throat. "About yesterday, your article..."

"Yeah?" Tawny nodded.

"I'm really sorry about the way I… well, I didn't really explain anything to you. I had… something came up and I was distracted. So, I wanted to explain the problem with your article. So you don't just think I'm a bitch or anything."

Tawny nodded, her expression unchanged, and waited for Ren to proceed, part of her wondering if Ren had somehow overheard her conversation with Louis.

"First off, it was very well-written and it's just… an excellent article, really. But we can't use it. It's a school paper and…"

"It was better than any of the other forum submissions and it is about something that matters. It's exactly what you asked for."

"It is, that's true," Ren nodded. "But if you're going to write anything about sex in a school paper, you have to be…careful. Parents are reading these too and there are a lot of people who get offended and want that stuff as far away from the school as possible. And of course we all know it's there anyway, but everything gets signed off by Mr. Zimmer and sometimes the principal if it's really questionable, and after two years on this paper, Tawny, I can promise you your article would've gotten cut. It's a school paper, not Cosmo."

Tawny nodded. "So, your whole spiel about writing about something that matters was just a load of trash then?"

"No, we just have to be careful how we say things."

"I thought the whole point of journalism is to shed light on things like this."

"In the real world it is, but this is high school. Tawny, if it means that much to you I can give it to Mr. Zimmer but he'll make you watch a 3 hour film about everything I'm telling you right now. The parts about sex education and the statistics, that sort of thing is ok. But several of the other things… like detailing your personal experiences… that's not acceptable in this environment."

"I understand," Tawny nodded, her voice every bit as frosty as it was in the beginning. She turned away from Ren and began to head to her seat.

"Tawny," Ren started again, well aware that the younger girl was still upset with her. "I'm sorry I handled this so poorly yesterday, I was very rude and I apologize. I just had a lot going on. And it is a really great article. I was very impressed."

"Yeah, Ren, I get it," Tawny said, without looking back at her, and continuing to her seat.

_Ok, you want to be petty?_ Ren thought, annoyed by Tawny's attitude. _This is how you want to play? I can do spiteful, Dean. _

"Hey," Ruby interupted her thoughts. "Did you talk to Charlotte?"

"No, I haven't had the chance," Ren answered, embittered by the thought. She'd called Charlotte a few times but she'd never answered. And then Ren had seen her at lunch with Yvette, lauging and touching the blonde in ways that made Ren's blood boil.

"Hey, listen up everyone, we're going to assign beats today."

Everyone quieted down and turned their attention to Ren.

"We'll need beat writers for each fall sport, or just the big ones anyway, as well as one for the winter play. We'll take volunteers. If no one wants it, I'll assign it randomly. So, for starters, the play?"

Tawny hesitated a moment, not wanting to aid Ren by volunteering, but decided the drama beat would be easy for her to maintain since she was in the class with many of the kids who'd be in the production. And it would get her out of being assigned articles about other, less interesting things. She raised her hand.

Ren looked directly at her--she was the only one raising her hand-- and turned her attention to a boy sitting in the front of the class. "Jerry, you'll take it."

Tawny lowered her hand, angrily locking eyes with Ren.

"Actually, I'm just going to assign all of these randomly," Ren declared. "That way we can get some new, fresh voices in the sports section. Soccer—Tricia Phillips. Cross Country—Bobby Barone. Volley Ball-- Martin Cho. Football—Tawny Dean."

Tawny's jaw dropped.

Ren smirked back at her with a raised eye-brow.


	4. Out With It

**Chapter Four: Out With It**

"You know, actually going to the football games has only increased my aversion to sports," Tawny scoffed, sitting down next to Louis and across from Tom.

He half-grinned. "I still find it terribly amusing that Ren assigned you the football beat."

"It's not funny," she said. "The past month has been hell."

"I live with her," Louis shrugged. "I've been telling you for years."

"So, last night was against East Sacramento High, correct? Our rivals? How was that?"

"The same as every other game except even more idiots painted in green and yellow, running around screaming like it's the apocalypse just because the other team scored," she grumbled.

"I bet I could cheer you up," Louis said, a sly grin spreading across his face.

"I bet you couldn't," she replied, not looking at him. "You know, she personally edits all of my stories now? And she just trashes them all the way. She comes back and says 'nice work, Dean' and hands it to me absolutely covered in red marks. She basically rewrites the whole thing every time. It's like all she needs me for is the scores and a couple details."

"So, get her back," Louis shrugged. "I can come up with a cool prank, just give me a little time to plan it."

"Anyway," Tom spoke up, seeking a change of subject. "You said earlier that you wanted to talk to me about something, Tawny?"

"Oh, right," she nodded. "I was wondering if you wanted to go to the GSA meeting with me this week."

"Oh, sure," Tom grinned.

"GSA? Isn't that the gay kid club? Why would you be going there?"

"GSA stands for Gay Straight Alliance, a title which implies that heterosexuals may also partake," Tom explained, only to be shot an annoyed glare from Louis.

"Anyone can go to the meetings," Tawny stared at Louis a minute, not sure if she should divulge any further information. She decided to, considering that he was her boyfriend and one of her best friends. "And I… I think I might be…"

"Gay? No way, there's no-"

"Bi," she interrupted. "I think I might be. I don't know for sure, it's just…"

"There's no fucking way, Tawny. You're into guys. Like me, for example?"

"Louis," she tried, in vain, to explain.

Twitty joined them. "Hey guys."

"This is totally out of the blue," Louis said, turning to him. "But apparently, Tawny is a dyke."

"That's not what I said, Louis," she glared at him, her head reeling.

"Whatever. I think I'm going to hurl."

Tawny recoiled, taking a deep breath and getting to her feet. "I'm just going to go, then."

"Dude, that was harsh," Twitty said, glaring at his friend.

"But deserved," Louis countered angrily.

"Not deserved," Tom interrupted.

"Did anyone ask you?" Louis quipped.

"Tawny is one of your best friends Louis, and she's your girlfriend, of over a year, and she was nervous coming to you with this for this very reason," Tom said, rising to his feet. "She isn't dumping you, God knows why not, she's just trying to figure things out. She's always helped you figure things out."

And with that, Tom stormed out of the cafeteria.

* * *

Charlotte slowly made her way over to where Ren sat in the library.

"So, Ren, I was thinking we could go out for a nice dinner, maybe go dancing, something fun, you know, what do you say?" Charlotte said, sitting herself down on Ren's lap, placing herself in between Ren and her studies.

"Sure, whatever you want," Ren smiled, thrilled at the prospect of actually getting some alone-time with Charlotte.

"Great, Yvette's coming too, you can bring Ruby too," Charlotte added, quickly punctuating the moment with a kiss and then trying to make a quick escape.

"Wait, Yvette and Ruby are coming?" Ren said, her heart dropping in her chest.

"Well, if you want Ruby to come, invite her, I've already invited Yvette," Charlotte said, putting on her best smile. "Why? Is that a problem?"

"Well, we've done a lot with Yvette lately, can't we ever just go out, just the two of us?"

"We do, all the time, I had lunch with you yesterday and it was just us," she said.

"Yeah, but," Ren tried to contend.

"It'll be so much fun, and I already invited her, I can't uninvite her."

"I guess," Ren sighed. "Yeah, it's fine."

"Thanks!" Charlotte

Ren sighed, frustrated, and rested her elbows on the table, her forehead pressed into the palms of her hands.

"What's up?" Ruby sat down across from her.

"Charlotte wants to go out, I thought it was a date but apparently Yvette is coming too. And you, if you want."

"Charlotte is being awfully clueless these days," Ruby nodded.

"Well, she said that she already invited Yvette so she can't uninvite her. But, I think she got that I wanted some alone time. So, hopefully next time it will be just us."

"Have you talked with Yvette about this? Maybe you should try that," Ruby said. "You aren't being unreasonable anymore."

"Anymore?" Ren asked, offended.

"Well, yeah, you've been jealous since the second Yvette was in town—only now she really is causing problems for you, so, you should talk to you."

"Maybe," Ren shrugged.

"Ok, well, in other news, I wanted to talk to you about something," Ruby said. "Two things, actually, both pressing matters."

"Yes?"

"One, is you should join the GSA. You could become president and it would look great on your college application."

"Seriously? That's one of your pressing matters? You've been bugging me about that all month. Why does it matter to you?"

"Because, if you join, then I can join, and put it on my application. God knows, I need all the help I can get."

"You can join without me," Ren replied.

"No, because then people will think that I'm…I don't need all the hot guys thinking I'm gay."

Ren laughed. "Because all the hot guys regularly check the GSA members list."

"They do?"

"No!"

"Oh," Ruby replied, relieved.

"Well, what's the other pressing matter?"

"Tawny Dean."

"Tawny? What about her?"

"I don't know if it's because she's Louis girlfriend or something, but you are being awfully hard on her."

"I am not," Ren retorted, half-grinning at the thought.

"You over-edit everything she does, you won't use any of her forums, and you made her do the football beat, even though she volunteered for drama--"

"So? It's forcing her to open her mind a bit, experience things she doesn't normally experience."

"Oh come on," Ruby scoffed. "I know you're just annoyed with her for not forgiving you or whatever."

"I tried, she started this, Ruby," Ren shrugged, smiling broadly.

Ruby nodded. "I don't understand why you enjoy torturing her so much."

"She can take it," Ren replied.

"I don't know, she's been…weird lately."

"Tawny Dean? Weird?" Ren asked in mock amazement. "You're just now realizing this?"

"More than normal," Ruby clarified.

"I'll admit she does seem a little… shaky," Ren agreed. "But it's not like either of us know her well enough to assume anything."

"I know, but still."

"Ruby, you know if she comes to me, and asks me to stop, if something is really wrong, then I will. But, until then, she's mine and I'm making sure she knows it."

Ruby sighed with resignation.

* * *

"Hey, Tawny," Tom said gently as he approached the obviously angry girl sitting on the steps outside the front of the school. "You know, that is kind of…difficult news for a guy to get from his girlfriend. I'm sure he's not as upset as he seems, he's just startled. He'll cool down."

"He shouldn't be angry with me," she mumbled. "All he ever thinks about is himself. It's always been about him, Tom. Always. I'm always there to give him advice or help him when he needs it, I always have his back. But if I have a problem, he never wants to hear about it. He always has a problem that's more important—when half the time it's just him wanting to pull some stupid prank on someone."

Tom nodded. "I'll listen, I mean, if you ever need to talk, Tawny. I'm here. And Twitty is too."

"Yeah," she nodded.

"So, what has been bothering you so much lately?" he asked. "I know there's something other than Louis and Ren that has been making you so miserable."

"Just stuff, stupid stuff that tons of people go through," she shrugged.

"Like?" he pressed.

"My parents, for one," she mumbled. "They… they're just fighting a lot. Every single night at the dinner table, and all evening long. Last night was my dad's birthday and we didn't go out to dinner like we usually do, and my mom didn't even get him a gift… it's just…well, stupid stuff like that."

"You should talk to them about that," Tom suggested.

Tawny shrugged. "They're gone half the time and when they're home they're fighting and I never get a chance to speak. Most of the time neither of them even speak to me during the time they are home."

"Well, you've always been pretty self-sufficient," Tom said. "They probably just don't realize anything is wrong."

"They're my parents, they should know me well enough… it's not even that. They would know if they took two seconds to talk to me. I've kept track lately and it has been 16 days since my father spoke a single word to me."

Tom nodded. "That's…"

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," she cut him off.

"Tawny, it's important to talk about these kinds--"

"No," she interrupted him again. "I don't want to. Not right now. I just… I need a new crowd."

"Tawny?" a familiar voice came from behind. She turned to find Louis standing there. "Can I talk to you?"

She turned away from him, facing the street again.

Tom got to his feet and wandered over to where Twitty was standing, by the doors leading into the building.

Louis sat down. "I'm really sorry for the way I… blew up. It's just weird info to take in, you know? I didn't mean to be such a jerk."

She kept her gaze on the street. "Ok."

"Ok?" Louis repeated. "Does that mean you're accepting my apology?"

"Yes," she forced.

"Great," he leaned over and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "I needed to talk to you about something _really_ important. My dad wants me to enter this father-son contest…"

She sighed, his voice nothing more than a anonymous sound in her head, using all her strength to hide her irritation at his utter self-absorption, blinking a few times to keep back threatening tears. "You know what, Louis? I can't talk right now," she said, the words coming out in a jumbled rush. "I have to get to the meeting," she paused. "Do you want to come with me?"

"Oh, no,' he said, with a laugh. "I don't want anyone to think that I'm…well, you know."

She hurried off, Tom following her into the building and joining in on the meeting.

Twitty came over to Louis. "So, is everything good, man?"

"Yeah, we're fine," Louis said with a grin getting to his feet.


	5. And On Drags November

**A/N:** I figure I'll just give Tawny's parents the same names I gave them in _Collide_… And also, throughout this fic, some chapters will be set immediately following the events in the one before, others will have time passed. I've divided the events of the story into a timeline, often equating a chapter with one month (that is, a month passes between each chapter, not necessarily that the events of the chapter spanned an entire month, as they often are only a few days at most, maybe even a single hour as last chapter). Chapters 1- 3 were all set within one week in September, at the beginning of school. Chapter 4 was about a month later. Chapter 5 now is yet another month later (approx.).

**Chapter Five: And On Drags November**

Tawny slung her black book bag over shoulder and sighed. Her parents ceaseless fighting had woken her up before the alarm, yet again. And today the subject was her, again.

Just over three weeks earlier she'd come out to them, her confidence relatively high after generally positive reactions from her friends, Louis notwithstanding. But she'd forced some feeble justification for him in her mind, and didn't hold it against him. Or, at least that's what she told him, and herself.

It took a couple more days for her to tell her parents, not because she was really that nervous, but because they were always gone—if not physically, mentally and emotionally. She'd been forced to stand in the door way, blocking her mother from her typical speedy departure before the sun was up. "I need to talk to you, mom," she'd said.

Joanne Dean had sighed, eyeing her daughter with a combination of annoyance and acceptance of the fact that the mother-daughter card was being played.

They'd sat in the living room.

"Well, what is it?" Joanne had asked.

"Um," Tawny had hesitated only a moment. "I think that I might be into girls."

"You're a lesbian? That's what you're telling me?" Joanne had clarified, not having any emotional reaction whatsoever.

"Well, maybe. Maybe bisexual," Tawny had paused. "I don't know. I can't…I'm… definitely… attracted to girls."

"Definitely?"

"Yes, definitely," Tawny had nodded.

"Ok," Joanne had simply nodded back. "Thanks for sharing, honey."

And with that she rose and hurried out of the house. And that evening, she passed the information on to Tawny's father, who was more emotional about it, but not in the good way.

Still, he'd refrained from coming across as too upset, but Tawny could tell he was none to pleased.

She knew he knew when she came home from school that day. The look on his face gave it away…it wasn't really anger or disgrace or disgust or anything like that. It was a look that said, 'This is the last thing I want to deal with right now'. It was a look of annoyance.

The few times Tawny had managed to get her parents attention—which she sought at every opportunity, even with things like progress reports that she usually never bothered opening, it was always assumed she'd have straight A's—the sole reaction she got was that of annoyance: God damn it, kid, what the hell do you want now? Sure, we made you, but we don't have time to deal with you right now. We have patients. And we have our own problems. Deal with yourself.

Of course they never said such things, not with their words. They said it with their eyes.

Now as she plodded down the stairs, their screaming growing louder with each step as she neared the living room, she could hear her father's voice.

"She's just confused, it happens to a lot of kids, the culture is so adamant about acceptance and tolerance…"

"I'm sure she's given it more thought than that, Roger," her mother countered, in her defense, though Tawny knew they weren't really fighting about her as much as they were fighting juts for the sake of fighting. Not that such knowledge made it any easier to hear her father's opinions on her 'situation'.

"We should just get her to see someone—a therapist. What about Mark? He deals with this sort of thing all the time."

"Roger, she has two shrinks for parents, you really think we need to get outside help? That would just be a waste of money."

Tawny stopped near the front door, neither of them had heard her come down.

"Do you want to talk with her?" he asked. "Because I don't. I don't have time for her right now."

"Nor do I," she agreed. "But I don't think she needs any help anyway."

"She thinks she's gay!"

"Maybe she is!"

"I doubt it."

"Why are you so shocked by the notion?"

"She's my kid. My kid wouldn't be gay."

"That's a remarkably ignorant assumption for such an educated man to make."

"Shut up, Jo," he snapped. "You just want her to be that way to bug me."

"Bye," Tawny called, quickly slamming the door behind her, cutting their voices out of her head.

* * *

"Hey, Ren, I have a new reason you should join the GSA," Ruby said, leaning against the locker beside her friend's.

"My God, Ruby, just join yourself!" Ren replied, shuffling through a mess of papers for Journalism.

"Larry Beale is the President of the GSA," Ruby stated.

"Seriously?"

"Yes, so, you need to dethrone him. So join, and then they'll have elections in April—I think—and you always win."

"Larry's gay?"

"I don't think so, he's just in the club. But see! Even you just assume that whoever is in the club is gay!"

"Oh, sorry."

"Tawny is in it too," Ruby said then.

"So?"

"I think she might be," Ruby explained. "You enjoy harassing her. This would give you another place to do that."

"Harass? I just edit her papers!"

"That you forced her to write…about football."

"I'm starting to think maybe someone has a little crush on Tawny, is that why you're so intent on protecting her from big, bad me?" Ren grinned, and started to walk away from Ruby. "And joining the GSA, for that matter…"

"That is so not it!"

"Whatever, Ruby," Ren called back with a laugh. "I'm on to you."

* * *

"I have news, comrades," Tom approached Louis, Twitty, and Tawny in the hall near Louis' locker.

"Yes?" Louis asked, sounding as bored as he possibly could.

"I have a date to Ruby Mendel's party. An older woman."

"Your mom?" Louis asked, laughing at himself.

"No, Yvette Tyler," Tom said proudly. "She's a junior."

"Sweet, man!" Twitty high-fived him.

"Yeah, nice work, Tom," Tawny agreed.

" 'Cause Tawny has opinions on the ladies now too," Louis remarked.

"And I have more news," Tom continued. "I have been accepted to San Francisco's Art Conservatory for Creative Youth!"

"SACCY? Is that the gay place you applied to back in 8th grade?" Louis asked, laughing. "So you can dance around in tights?"

"Congrats, man," Twitty said, giving Tom another high-five.

"Yeah, that's amazing, Tom," Tawny nodded, giving him a quick hug.

"I started December 1st," he said with a grin. "And in 8th grade I applied to the Sacramento Conservatory, this is San Francisco."

"So it's even gayer?"

Despite her sincere happiness for her friend, Tawny couldn't help but feel like she was being abandoned by the only person she talked to, even if she didn't confide as much as she could in Tom, she was getting better at it. And now he was leaving.

* * *

"Ok, ok," Larry banged a gavel on his desk and looked around at the room full of kids. "So, what should we talk about today?"

"Why do you have a gavel?" Tom asked him.

"Is that relevant?"

"He jacked it from the Constitution Team meeting, I saw him," an anonymous voice called.

Several people laughed.

"Yeah, well," Larry shrugged. "GSA 1, CT 0."

Ren, Charlotte, and Yvette ventured into the room.

"Is that The Great Ren Stevens I see?" Larry asked, in mock amazement.

"Hello, Larry," Ren said with a smile, following Charlotte and Yvette to a few free seats. She stopped in the midst of all the chatting students when Larry approached her.

"You've come to dethrone me?" he asked.

"I've come to visit a popular school club," she explained. "I am the junior class president, it's seems befitting of me to do so."

"Hey, Tom!" Yvette said. Half-smiling, she took a seat beside him.

"Could you move?"

Tawny turned to find Charlotte's face just inches from hers. "What?"

"So I can sit next to Tommy here, I was to get to know the guy that's taking out my girl," Charlotte explained, going to no lengths to hide her annoyance.

"I thought Ren was _your girl_?" Tawny quipped.

"Does anyone care what you think?" Charlotte retorted. "Move!" She grabbed Tawny by the arm and yanked her out of the seat, setting herself in place.

Tawny glowered down at her, but simply took another seat, about ten feet back, outside of the main mob.

A few seconds later, Ren came out of the mob as well, and took a seat beside her.

"Your girlfriend is a real bitch," Tawny said, without looking at Ren.

Ren's jaw dropped, in slight offense, but she didn't say anything.

"Why are you back here?" Tawny asked, then choosing to make eye contact with the older girl.

"Because, there are no more seats left," Ren shrugged. _Wouldn't want to interfere with Charlotte and Yvette's fun… poor Tom… and he thinks it's all about him_. "And this way I can work on stuff."

"Editing one of my disgraceful assaults on the English language?"

Ren half-grinned, thinking of Ruby's concern for the sardonic, blue-eyed girl. "Does it really bother you that I do this?"

"What bothers me is that you tear up my work and give it back to me saying 'good job'—and you always say it like you mean it. You suck at sarcasm. You think I'm a horrible writer so I don't know why you even bother--"

"I've never called you a horrible writer," Ren interrupted. "I don't think that."

Tawny glared at her, disbelieving.

"I don't. I'm just…ha, harassing you. To be honest, I've always assumed you were the type of person who would stand up for herself more. I'm surprised at how much you let me walk all over you, Dean. But hey, you know what they say when people assume," she patted Tawny on the knee and got to her feet. "Don't think this means I'm going to lay off you though." She disappeared back into the mob to observe her bitchy, fickle girlfriend. _I can do better than you, Charlotte, I know I can. I just don't know why I won't._

Tawny just sat there, dumbfounded. She'd never pegged Ren to be the type of person that could really test her but the girl was doing a damn good job of it... or maybe it was all of the other things going on. Why did Ren care enough to spend any amount of time harassing her? She hardly had any free time as it was. _I've made some wrong assumptions too, it seems._


	6. Another Bad Day

**Chapter Six: Another Bad Day**

The shrill ringing of her alarm clock slowly pulled her from her slumber. Tawny's head was throbbing. Forcing her eyes open, four red numbers took shape: 12:42.

12:42. _I slept late…wait… it's... Monday!_

"Damn it," she threw her covers off and jumped out of bed, wincing at the pain in her skull.

Quickly making a bagel and cream cheese she hurried out the door and ate it as she drove herself to school.

She didn't even remember all of what had happened the night before, or the night prior either. She'd gone out with a group of kids from GSA on Saturday, and she'd had a bit to drink… maybe more than she should've if she didn't remember a thing. And then she was out with the same group the night before… she couldn't remember whose house they were at, or the names of any of the kids she'd met for that matter…

She knew she'd stumbled in around 3 AM Sunday night and that both of her parents were sound asleep, unconcerned at her absence.

Tom was gone. He was away at SACCY. He'd be coming back for the party, unable to pass up his chance at a date with a girl like Yvette—tall, skinny, blonde. But for the most part, he was gone now. The only friend she'd confided anything in was gone. Well, she could've conceivably talked with him over the phone or IM or something, but Tawny hated that. She never discussed important things unless it was face-to-face. Now she spent most of her lunches with Twitty and Louis, save a once a week meeting with the GSA, which had now been infiltrated by Ren. Even so, she'd made some new friends_… there was…Lukas? Yes, Lukas… he was there. And Brandi. Lukas and Brandi. I was with them, right?_

She pulled into a parking space at the end of the parking lot and rubbed her temples, wishing she'd grabbed some Advil.

She glanced at her watch; she was about fifteen minutes late for Journalism.

Sighing heavily, she pushed open the car door and trudged across the parking lot, up the front steps, and into the school.

A few moments later she arrived at the open door to the Journalism room. Ruby was standing just inside the entrance.

"Oh, here she is," she said, turning around to face Tawny. "You're in trouble," she whispered with a grin.

As if on cue, Ren came marching toward them then. "Where have you been?"

"I overslept," Tawny replied.

"It's past 1!"

"I was out late," she shrugged.

"Whatever," Ren shook her head, not oblivious to the redness in Tawny's eyes and her groggy behavior. "Do you have your article?"

"My article?"

"Yeah, on the game? Saturday's game? The district finals game? The biggest game of the season? You remember that one? You were supposed to have been there. You were weren't you?"

"Ren, give her a chance to answer."

Tawny took a deep breath, recalling the assignment. "I didn't…didn't make it to the game, actually."

"You what?" Ren asked, crossing her arms angrily.

Ruby turned away from them. "Was anyone at Saturday's game?"

No one raised a hand.

"None of you went?" Ruby stammered. "Where's your school spirit?"

"Ruby, you were there, right? Get me an article. Tawny," Ren's voice trailed off.

"I'm sorry, but I just…"

"Come here," Ren said, heading back out into the hall and gesturing her to follow.

She shut the door to the classroom once Tawny was out. "I know you're angry with me for assigning you the football beat, but it's been three months, don't you think it's time to let it go? And you went to every other game, you turned in every article, but this you don't? The most important game of the season, and you just decide to blow it off?"

"I know you don't think the sports section is _that_ important…"

"Other people do! Athletes do! Their parents do!" Ren struggle to keep her voice down. "It isn't just about you and what you think is best and what you're going through and what came up… did something happen? Something bad, I mean?"

"No one died, if that's what you're shooting for," Tawny answered, arms crossed and voice sour.

"Well, then what excuse do you have? I'm guessing from the look in your eyes you were wasted last night, is that what you were doing Saturday too?"

Tawny didn't say anything.

"We could've skipped other articles, Tawny. Not this one. This was supposed to be our front page story. We won district finals for the first time in 22 years and that's when you decide to skip out on me? You…I don't know why I bother… you _are_ one of Louis' friends after all, his girlfriend even. I shouldn't expect much from you, should I?"

"I didn't realize it was _that_ important," Tawny replied, hurt by Ren's remarks, but doing her best to hide it.

"Well, if you'd take two seconds to see things from other peoples point of view maybe you would have! It's the biggest game of the year, whether it matters to you or not, it's a big deal for the school. How can you not know that?"

"I'm not that selfish, Ren. I just--" Tawny tried, only to be interrupted.

"Oh, do you actually have an excuse?" Ren asked sarcastically, crossing her arms. "This should be great. What masterful lies can the actress put on for me?"

Tawny glared at her. "You've been going out of your way to make this class hell for me from day one--"

"And you've been nothing but a huge let-down from day one!" Ren snapped back, cutting her off.

Tawny didn't respond, only crossed her arms and stared back at Ren. Her head was still throbbing, and she blinked a few times to keep back the tears that burned her eyes.

Ren sighed angrily and turned away, heading back into the classroom and closing the door behind her, leaving Tawny alone in the hall way.

* * *

The next period the whole student body was gather in the auditorium for the annual December 1st assembly on winter fundraisers. 

"You ok?" Twitty asked, taking a seat beside a noticeably shaken Tawny. "You were in chemistry this morning. Or at lunch."

"I overslept, came to school late, got chewed out by Ren Stevens," she explained, not taking her eyes from the stage.

"Ah, a bad day then? Louis said he's _arranged_ something."

"Arranged something?" Tawny asked, looking over Twitty with curiosity and worry.

"Yeah, he says it's nothing too original. He called it 'a reenactment of the ultimate public prank'."

"Great," she said sarcastically. "He's going to try and make a joke out of an assembly that aims to raise money for the poor and sick."

Several students from the student government took turns presenting various charitable organizations and activities students could participate in over the winter break, as well as mentioning a series of events and competitions that would be taking place over the next two weeks at school to raise money for the children's hospital, for the food bank, and for other similar causes. Last but not least, Ren came on to the stage.

"Just one more, guys," she said, well-aware of the lack of interest of the majority of the student body. "I'm not presenting any specific charity, but rather a certain cause that is in dire need of our attention: the genocide in Darfur…"

Tawny glowered up at Ren from the crowd, but couldn't help being thrilled that she'd chosen that for her charitable cause or organization. It was something she herself had mentioned many times to her friends, only to have it brushed over by the more important and pressing matters—such as Tom's new chess set, Twitty's lost virginity, or Louis' latest scheme. Never mind the genocide taking place while we sit and study the holocaust, valiantly declaring 'never again', and then just pretending it's not happening…

Snapping her out of her angry train of thought was a loud creaking sound.

Ren had stopped speaking and was looking around, also at a lost for the sound of the creaking.

Then, Louis' reenactment came into play: a steady stream of red liquid poured down from somewhere out of sight, splashing onto his sister's head and splattering all over the stage.

The crowd burst out laughing.

Ren shook her head miserably, and stepped out of the path of what seemed to be cranberry juice. She slipped and fell on her face, only inciting more laughter from the crowd.

A couple fellow student government kids rushed out and helped her off the stage.

"That's what Ren gets for chewing you out, I guess," Twitty nudged her. "Karma."

"_Carrie_? He was reenacting _Carrie_? That's not the ultimate prank! It was the cruelest prank! Did he even pay attention to the rest of the movie?"

"Plug it up! Plug it up!" chanted the audience.

"And they don't even have the scene right," Tawny scoffed, getting to her feet and leaving the auditorium though the rarely used side doors.

By chance, or fate, she ran into Louis in the hallway. "Was that sweet or what?" he laughed. "The feathers didn't come down though...something went wrong."

"She was talking about something really important, Louis," Tawny grumbled.

"No one cares. We all know already: charity is good, give to the poor, yadda yadda yadda…"

"And how much do you give to charity? Or how much do you volunteer, Louis? Since you already know?"

"I'm too busy, but come on, you love _Carrie_."

"Not because I enjoy seeing her drenched in pig's blood! That isn't the point, Louis!" she yelled.

"God, Tawny, I'm just having fun. Why do you always get so worked up these days?" he asked, genuinely confused. "It's not a big deal."

"Yes it is," she contended. "The cause she was talking about is a big deal. And she… no one deserves to be publicly humiliated like that. And you've done it to her enough."

"I thought you hated my sister…"

"I don't hate her…" Tawny hesitated, wondering exactly what she did think of Ren. Ren thought of her as a let-down-- Ren, who valued success above everything else, thought of her as a let-down. So what did she think of Ren? "It's not right to do that to people no matter what. Not in public like that."

"It's just Ren," he shrugged.

Tawny shook her head. "This isn't working, Louis."

"What?"

"This. Us. It's over. I can't... I can't deal with you anymore."

And with that she left him standing there, mouth agape, as she walked away.


	7. Under the Influence

**A/N: **Sorry about the wait… not that it was really that long…but this is the longest chapter yet. Thanks for all the reviews!

**Chapter Seven: Under the Influence**

On December 17th, Ruby Mendel's house was _the_ main attraction. The walls trembled as the bass pulsed through them, the punch was spiked—by the hostess herself-- minutes after being made, the dining room was cleared out to make room for dancing. It was the place to be, the epicenter of the earthquake that was a high school student's social life. Or at least, that's what she was going for.

"Hey!" Ruby excitedly swung open the door to greet Ren and Charlotte. "It's about time you guys got here! Things are just heating up!"

Ren smiled back, giving Ruby a quick hug, all the while wondering when Yvette would pop out of the woodwork to join them for the evening entire.

Louis and Twitty trudged in shortly after, followed by Tom and Yvette.

"Tom has a date and I don't… I never thought I'd live to see the day…" Louis shook his head miserably, glancing over at Tom, who wore a white tux, complete with a hat—clearly trying to be a little more pimpin' than he was able. Nevertheless, Louis was the one wearing clothes too tight and who had too much gel in his hair—too metro.

"Uh, that almost happened to you in 7th grade, man," Twitty was the only one who looked like he wasn't trying too hard, sporting a green shirt and a blazer. "Remember? The Sadie Hawkins dance? You screwed things up with Tawny by being an ass…"

"But I ended up going with Monique Taylor! The head cheerleader!"

"Yeah," Twitty nodded. "But still… Tom has strange luck sometimes. I mean, some girls…actually _like_ him."

"Tell me about it," Louis rolled his eyes. "Let's find something to drink."

"Hey, it's only 9. The night it young, my man," Twitty said reassuringly.

A half hour later, Tawny entered, shivering. She wore a red dress, with a black jacket pulled tight around her.

"Tawny!" Ruby hugged her as she entered, only eliciting a strange look from the girl, who was never the hugging type, at least not with most people. "You look great! How's it going?"

"Ok," Tawny shrugged. "It's cold."

"Yeah, it is. Louis is here. Why didn't you guys come together?"

"Louis and I broke up, a couple weeks ago, actually."

"Seriously? And I missed it?" Ruby stammered, truly shocked at the apparent slip-up in her gossip-columnist skills.

"Yeah, I guess you dropped the ball on that one…" Tawny replied, grimly adding: "Probably since you were covering my District Finals story."

Ruby smiled and nodded. "I hope you have fun! I've got to, you know… mingle and all that."

Tawny nodded, not particularly bothered by Ruby's departure.

Twitty noticed Tawny enter, and promptly stepped into Louis' field of vision. The last thing Louis wanted to see right now was Tawny, especially when she looked _that_ good. Twitty frowned. Tawny was off-limits to him, he shouldn't even be thinking about her like that…

"Hey comrades," Tom said, greeting Louis and Twitty.

Louis glared at him.

"Hey, dude," Twitty greeted him with a smile, half of which came from Tom's laughable outfit. "Where's Yvette?"

"She's visiting with her friend Charlotte—Ren's girlfriend, actually," he shrugged. "They needed to talk about something in private, a lady thing I imagine."

"Yeah, girls," Twitty shook his head, his eye then landing on a petit brunette alone by the dance floor. "Speaking of which…"

Tom grinned as Twitty slipped off into the crowd, making his way over to the girl.

"So, how's it been with you, Lou?" Tom redirected his attention to Louis, who was sulking by the counter, having just noticed Tawny.

"Not great. What time is it?"

"Nearly 10. I heard about you and Tawny, that's too bad. But hey, it's probably for the best. You're young—now's the time to screw around with as many girls as you can! Be a playa!"

Louis started blankly at him.

"Yeah, that doesn't seem right coming from me. I thought I could pull it off…"

"How's Tight School?"

"Great, actually," Tom responded, scanning the crowd for a lonely girl who might go for Louis. "How about Ruby Mendel?"

"What about Ruby?"

"Ask her to dance. She's the hostess. She invited everyone. So at least if someone sees you dancing with her, they'll think you're with the in-crowd; and not that you're only here because you begged your mother to make Ren talk her into inviting you."

"How would anyone figure that out?"

"I already heard it from someone, so the word is out and on the move…"

"What?!" Louis said, standing up straight and alert all of a sudden.

"Go, ask the lady for a dance!" Tom said, shoving his curly-haired sort-of-friend toward the dance floor.

"Tom, hey!" Tawny greeted him with a quick hug. "How's SACCY?"

"'Tis wonderful, m' lady," he said with a broad smile. "How about you? Have things been better?"

She shrugged.

"Oh, well, sometimes that's how it goes. I wouldn't have fancied this your scene, to be honest, Tawny."

"No, I just figured there'd be alcohol, which I've actually grown quite fond of."

Tom's face immediately turned from joy to concern. "How fond?"

"Nothing to worry about, Tom," she said, grinning at him. "I'm going to find something to drink now."

"I shall accompany you," Tom said, out of a sudden yet sincere desire to keep and eye on her.

Unfortunately, he lost her in the crowd after only a few minutes.

* * *

Ren filled her cup with punch and took a sip—quickly noting the bitter bite of alcohol. She shook her head with a slight smile. Glancing around, she wondered where Charlotte was. She'd slipped off to go to the bathroom, but that was a half hour earlier.

Making her way over to the dance floor, Ren looked around, trying to locate her without looking like she was looking for someone. It was there she noticed Ruby dancing with…Louis… of all people.

"Clearly she's had too much to drink…" she muttered to herself.

Someone bumped into her from behind, pushing her into the mob of dancing people.

Amidst the numerous hot bodies grinding up against her and each other as she forced her way through the crowd, her eyes landed on a sight that made her stomach turn: Charlotte and Yvette, standing in a doorway at the end of the hall, lips locked, and arms wrapped around each other.

Part of her wanted to trudge through the mob and interrupt them, but the part of her that won was the part that found itself immobilized at the sight of them. Though she wasn't paying attention much to anything else around here, she heard Ruby and Louis dancing nearby.

"So, you like this?" Louis asked. "Like the Luscious Lou?"

Ruby raised her eyebrow, curiously. "You're more attractive when you don't talk, Louis."

And Tawny passed in front of her at one point, looking rather delicate in a red dress that sensuously hugged her body. She noticed that as well.

She heard her cup fall to the floor, someone curse at the liquid on their dress, and the crunch of the plastic as it go stomped on. But all these sounds were far away.

Eventually, she found herself moving forward, approaching her cheating girlfriend.

* * *

Tom finally located Tawny, back near the counter where they'd met in the beginning. "I say I'm going to keep and eye on you, and then in a matter of minutes I lose you for an hour…that takes skills."

Tawny grinned back at him. An hour had been more than enough time to get her head spinning and senses reeling. "It's ok. I did just fine by myself. I always do fine by myself.

Tom sighed, more than able to tell Tawny had had too much to drink. At least she seemed relatively in control of her faculties… not totally smashed or anything.

"I'm fine, Tom," Tawny said.

"I know, you already said so."

"Yeah, I'm fine," she repeated. "Fine, fine, fine."

"Are you sure you're fine?" Tom asked.

"Yes. I just said I was fine," she replied, looking at him quizzically. "Didn't you listen?"

Suddenly, Ren's angry voice interrupted their senseless conversation. "I don't know why I've even bother for these last few months. You've been all over her since the second she showed up!"

"Ren, calm down," Charlotte insisted, grabbing onto Ren's arm as the two entered the kitchen, Yvette trailing behind.

"Hey, Tom, you should know you're date was making out with mine," Ren announced. "So sorry."

Tawny looked at Tom with concern.

He shrugged. "I figured as much."

Tawny couldn't help but laugh.

"Ren," Charlotte pressed.

"Why? Why didn't you just break up with me if you wanted her so bad?"

"Because… you're better in bed than she is," Charlotte explained, in total sincerity.

The rest of the people in the area quieted down after that and both Ren and Yvette stared at her in disbelief.

"Whoo! Go Ren Stevens!" Someone cheered from the crowd.

"What?" Charlotte asked, confused as to why both her girls were staring at her with such anger now.

"She's better in bed than me? That's why you kept her around?"

"I love you, Yvette. I've always loved you."

"Just not the sex with me," Yvette scoffed, crossing her arms.

"And with me it was just the sex? Me? The sex? Seriously?" Ren stammered, her heart pounding angrily in her head.

Charlotte was clearly at a loss for words. "I don't know what I want."

"Ha, you think you get to choose now?" Ren asked, laughing bitterly. "I'm out. Yvette can have you."

"But…" Charlotte protested.

"But you don't want me?" Yvette asked. "Well… I see how it is…"

"No, that's not it," Charlotte whirled around to explain, but Yvette had already bolted out of sight.

Charlotte hurried out of the room.

The noise level quickly resumed its normal pitch.

Ren turned and served herself a shot of raspberry vodka from a bottle sitting out on the counter in front of Tom. She quickly threw back a shot.

"I'm sorry, Ren," he said.

She nodded, tipping her glass back and taking a second shot. "Me too."

"So… how good _are_ you in bed?" Tawny asked, nearly falling off the bar stool on which she sat.

Tom quickly slipped an arm around her to brace her.

Ren filled her third glass and moved around the counter so that she was right next to Tawny, she rested her right hand high on Tawny's thigh, and with her left downed her last shot. "I'm v_ery_ good, Dean," she said, in just the right way to make the hair's on the back of Tawny's neck stand on end.

She smiled slyly then, and punctuated the moment by slamming her glass down on the counter and disappearing into the crowd.

"Hmm…" Tawny cleared her throat, a little startled by Ren's touching her. "How good do you think she is?" Tawny turned her attention back to Tom.

"Ha, um…" Tom scratched his head. "Well, she is Ren Stevens. She's the best at everything, isn't she?"

A few people around them laughed.

"She _is_ hot," Tawny said. "I've slept with a girl before, you know."

"What?" Tom asked, then recalling her article.

Several boys nearby moved in closer to hear what she had to say.

"Last summer. I met a girl. And we… did stuff. You know? You read my article… the one that Ren wouldn't publish," the bitterness in her voice was impossible to miss. "A few times… I messed around with the girl a few times… her name was Julia. I met her in Seattle when I was visiting my aunt in July."

"And you had sex? Like, girl-on-girl?" a random boy from her audience asked.

"Yes, yes we did," Tawny replied, grinning broadly. "It was good sex too."

* * *

"Ren," Ruby grabbed a hold of her as she made her way around the crowded dance floor. "I think I might have a thing for your brother."

Ren didn't care enough to reply. She only asked Ruby a single, important question. "How many girls do you know who'd be up for a one-night-stand?"

"What?"

"How man—Never mind," Ren said, breaking free of Ruby and making her way over to Brandi Arthur. She would do.

A few hours later, Ren was sitting alone on Ruby's front step, waiting for herself to sober up, though she'd probably just stay at Ruby's all night. Most people had gone home, those who hadn't were passed out inside. A few were still conscious, gathering there things to go.

Tawny staggered out of the door, catching sight of Ren. She made her way over to where the older girl sat, and dropped down beside her.

"I'm sorry for not getting my article done earlier," she said.

Ren looked over at her, surprised that she'd said that, of all things. "It's fine." She refocused her attention on the ground in front of her.

"Did you find someone to have sex with tonight?"

Ren looked back at her, raising an eyebrow, wondering why Tawny would ask that.

"Ruby said you were looking for a one-night-stand…"

"You're interested?" Ren asked, jokingly.

"No, I'm just making conversation."

"You should be. And you consider that small talk?"

"Yes, I do," Tawny nodded. "I should be what?"

"Interested. I am _very_ good in bed. Better than the girl you slept with last summer, I'm sure. Just ask Brandi Arthur."

"You're arrogant."

"And it turns you on," Ren replied.

Tawny laughed.

"I'm sorry for trashing you the way I did… when you didn't have your article. I was frustrated with a lot of things. And I took it out on you. I mean...you _do_ irk me… but some of the things I said were just… uncalled for. So, I'm sorry."

Tawny sat for a few more seconds before Tom came out. "Let's go."

"He's my ride home," Tawny said.

"We'll have the hot sex later, then," Ren said.

"Ok," Tawny replied with a laugh, following Tom to his car.


	8. Moving On and Moving to a Different Beat

**A/N:** So… Ren and Tawny are proving a touch bi-polar in their moods from chapter to chapter in this fic…

**Chapter Eight: Moving On and Moving to a Different Beat**

Ren had expected some measure of heartache to set in at some point during winter break, but it never did. How could she have endured a nine month relationship, and not be affected in the slightest when it ended? Well, it was Charlotte… maybe that was why…

No. Ren had found Charlotte attractive. She was beautiful, smart—her remarks at the party notwithstanding, she was nice enough. She was also high-maintenance, but that wasn't something Ren minded.

In any case, she got over it quite quickly.

And, much to Ruby's surprise, it only took a single one-night-stand. The couple hours Ren had spent dancing, talking, and sleeping with Brandi Arthur has proved enough. Ruby always needed a few weeks worth of meaningless dates, a few of which would provide meaningless sex as well. But Ren was content with the one night.

She wasn't one to sleep around, as much as Ruby pushed the idea. And Ruby pushed it big time. She'd thought the break-up with Charlotte an ample launching pad for catapulting Ren into the wonderful world of sex, as if Ren couldn't possibly know anything if she'd only slept with two people. No matter how great the word-of-mouth from those people was.

Even weeks later, once school had started up again, Ruby hadn't abandoned the topic. Only it wasn't until then that Ruby decided to push a _new_ angle, an angle she'd been intrigued by, but had kept uncharacteristically quiet about until they were back in school.

"So, Ren," Ruby dropped down beside Ren on the couch in the corner of the classroom. "Remember my party a couple weeks ago?"

Ren looked up at her, annoyed. "Remember your party? You mean the one you've mentioned every day since? The one you start every conversation with?"

Ruby paused, half glaring at Ren. "Yes. That one."

"No," Ren sighed. "I was hit on the head by falling grand piano and forgot everything that happened on December 17th."

"Shut up," Ruby retorted. "I know you're not into… playing th--"

"Whoring around," Ren specified. "I'm not into whoring around."

"Whatever," Ruby sneered at her. "What do you think of Tawny Dean?"

"Tawny? _You're_ the one with the crush on Tawny."

"What?" Tawny appeared next to them, handing an article to Ren.

"Nothing, she made that up," Ruby glowered at her friend.

"You headed it wrong," Ren said, looking up at Tawny. "Half way through the year and you're still heading your paper on the left hand side, Dean."

"Is it _that_ big a deal?" Tawny replied, annoyed.

"Yes," Ren said. "I want it headed on the right hand side. Re-print it."

"That's a waste of paper," Tawny contended, angrily.

"Well, you should've thought about that then, shouldn't you have? It won't take you long. It's only Thursday. Articles aren't due until tomorrow."

Tawny snatched her paper back and irately marched over to an unoccupied computer.

Ren smirked to herself.

"I think _you_ like her," Ruby said, noting the smirk. "That's why you've been tormenting her, even though it's mean. And I still think something is going on with her."

Ren smiled, and looked over at Tawny in consideration.

"I heard you felt her up at my party," Ruby continued. "I mean, I heard it from Ted Briggs who heard it from Jimmy Marcus, whose cousin Paul was there-- Jimmy couldn't go because he'd caught mono from Claire Moore. And he said you touched her… sexually. You were probably drunk, and so not aware, but then, it's probably demonstrative of some underlying desires. What do you think?"

Ren rolled her eyes. "I put my hand on her leg. I wasn't drunk. She was. I did it to emphasize my point."

"Which was?"

"That I am very good in bed."

Ruby raised an eyebrow. "What?"

Ren sighed and set about explaining the whole thing to Ruby, wondering all the while how on earth Ruby could've possibly refrained from asking about this for two whole weeks.

"But you weren't drunk?"

"No, I was drunk later… with Brandi. But not when I was by Tawny. All I'd had was a glass of the punch, and then I was taking the shots. But I was well away from Tawny by the time they kicked in."

"So…you were just messing with her in her drunken state? If she'd come on to you, you wouldn't have been interested?"

"Well, I didn't say that. Tawny is…" Ren glanced over her shoulder at the angry girl again. "She's beautiful. Her personality is a little…odd, though."

"But you think she's hot?"

"Yeah, of course. It's Tawny Dean. But that doesn't mean--"

"Ok, ok. So…not Tawny," Ruby concluded. "But you need to get a move on! There are plenty of interested girls, Ren."

"I know that," Ren said, a cocky grin sliding onto her face.

Ruby laughed at Ren's expression, then found herself wondering when would be a good time to bring up her own new found interest in Louis… or renewed interest, rather, since she'd briefly had a crush on him back in the eighth grade as well.

"Class, can I have your attention?" Mr. Zimmer, the Journalism teacher had appeared in front of the classroom.

Everyone quieted down and focused their attention on him.

"Alright, well, as some of you know, this year is Lawrence High's 50th anniversary," he stopped to allow time for clapping or a cheer, but no one responded. "And, so, it's traditional for a couple students off the paper to put together a display presentation in honor of the school's history. I've chosen three students for the task. Ren Stevens, Ruby Mendel, and Tawny Dean."

Ren beamed—she seemed to be the only one surprised at her being chosen.

Ruby and Tawny both sighed, this was the last thing either of them wanted to spend their time on.

"So, if you girls could step into my office, I'll explain the finer points of the assignment."

* * *

"It's organized and portable, and it'll last longer," Ren explained, pointing to her planned drawing of the presentation. 

"The slide show portion will be ordered and portable and last longer," Tawny retorted. "The written part will be more interesting to look at if it's done creatively."

Ren shook her head. "It can be creative and efficient at the same time."

"Well, not the way you're doing it."

Ren sighed, angry. "All I'm saying is, it'll be a lot easier to present in this form."

"It's boring. If we have to do this stupid project, can't we at least try and make it interesting?" Tawny contended. "I don't know, maybe even try and make it a little fun?"

"You two fighting about it isn't getting us anywhere, by the way," Ruby mumbled, her chin resting in both her hands, her elbows propped up on the table as she watched the bickering brunettes.

Ren shook her head. "We need to have it done by next Monday, so Mr. Zimmer gave me the keys to the south entrance."

"What? They can do that?" Ruby asked.

"Not technically, but he trusts me," Ren explained, taking pride in it. "Just so we can have access to archives, etc. So, does anyone have plans Saturday night?"

"Saturday? Why do we have to do it Saturday?"

"Because tonight is my mom's 50th birthday and my dad has a dinner and stuff planned, and tomorrow is your dad's 50th—so you'll be with him, I imagine? Up in Gilroy?"

"Oh, yeah, thanks for reminding me," Ruby said, promptly writing it down on her wrist.

"And I don't want to wait until Sunday because that's the last day, and if we need more time, we'll be screwed. If we work on Saturday and need more time, we'll still have Sunday."

Ruby and Tawny both nodded.

"So, we'll meet here Saturday around…noon?"

"I'm busy from eleven to six," Tawny explained.

"Doing what?" Ren asked.

"Things," she replied.

"Ok, so, we'll start late," Ruby said. "We'll meet at the south entrance around six."

* * *

Ren was hovering around the south entrance alone when the clock struck six. She sighed. _I shouldn't be surprised,_ she thought. _I shouldn't always expect everyone else to act the way I want them to._

She sat down on the steps and waited for over an hour before her cell phone rang.

"Ruby, where are you?"

"I'm in Tahoe," Ruby replied. "I'm so sorry, Ren. My dad surprised me by taking me up here for his birthday, and so… yeah. He just one $600!"

"Well, that's great," Ren replied bitterly. "You wouldn't happen to have Tawny's number, would you?"

"No, but Louis probably does."

"Yeah, I tried him. He didn't answer. He never answers when I call."

"Well, I'm really sorry. I can come early Sunday?"

"Yeah, ok, I think we'll need that anyway," Ren replied. "Come by around 10 on Sunday then? And tell your dad happy birthday for me, I guess."

"Alright. I'll be there. I promise. Later."

Ren hung up and unlocked the door, letting herself in.

* * *

_Just what I need, to get chewed out by Ren again, _Tawny thought as she made her way up the steps of the south entrance. It was nearly nine o'clock. She was three hours late. 

And why? Because she'd been out with friends—with Lukas and Brandi—the same friends she was out with the last time she was late for Ren. Having fun wasn't important to Ren Stevens. It was important to Tawny. These days… she needed to be around people who… who what? Lukas and Brandi didn't know anything about her either… This time she'd refrained from drinking herself, at least for the most part. But by the time she remembered her plans, it was nearly eight, and Brandi had, in her drunken stupor, insisted in sharing many the details of her night with Ren a couple weeks earlier. Earnestly declaring: "Play your cards right, Tawny, and you'll have one hell of a night with that girl."

Tawny had laughed at the thought, though it prompted vague memories of a conversation with Ren in which they had…maybe…flirted? A little? And then there was a memory of Ren touching her, grabbing her gently, high on her thigh, and speaking into her ear, her voice just above a whisper…She was confused as to whether these things actually happened or if, perhaps, she'd dreamt them… though why she'd dream about Ren was beyond her. All that girl insisted on doing was making Tawny miserable. And since everything else in her life seemed to have the same goal, it didn't make Ren incredibly appealing… though she did have a certain way of bugging Tawny that…

"Where the hell have you been?" Ren's voice snapped her out of her train of thought.

"Sorry, I got hung up," Tawny answered.

Ren glared at her. "Ruby's not coming. She's in Tahoe."

"So, I guess she screwed up worse then…"

"No, it's her dad's birthday. Where were you? Out getting smashed? On a Saturday afternoon? Afternoon! 16 year olds don't need to be getting drunk on the afternoons…You're young enough that you should be able to wait until the evening."

"I'm not drunk," Tawny stated, then pulling a nearly full bottle of rum from her bag. "I was waiting until this evening. I figured it would help me tolerate you."

"This is a school!" Ren's eyes were wide with disbelief. "You can't drink that here."

"Watch me," Tawny taunted, taking a swig of the bottle. "I'd offer you some, but you probably won't give it back, so… none for you."

Ren furrowed her brow. "Louis really left a lot out when he described you."

"Whatever," Tawny rolled her eyes, taking another swig. "So what do you want me to do, O Holy Dictator?"

"Well, since you didn't show up on time, we're doing it my way," Ren started.

"Oh, you mean if I'd been here sooner you'd have been a diplomat? You? Ren Stevens? You'd have opted for the democratic approach?"

Ren glared at her. "I can do this without you if you're going to have this attitude all night. You can go."

"And leave you in peace?" Tawny asked with a grin. "I don't think so."

Ren sighed. "Put that away, Tawny," she gestured to the bottle. "Please?"

Tawny shook her head, but sat it down on the desk behind her.

"We're going to do this in the form of a binder," she began.

"I want to do a poster," Tawny interrupted. "Posters are more fun, they're… they pull you in. At least, _my_ posters do."

"Well, too bad," Ren snapped. "You should've been here at six."

"So we could argue for three hours only to have you still refuse to do it anyone else's way?"

Ren glowered down at her.

Tawny grinned back at Ren, her head beginning to spin. "Fine. Do it yourself. But I'm going to be here to bug you the whole time."

She took a seat on the desk beside her bottle of rum.

Ren sighed, but didn't respond. She set about resuming her work. _Ruby's right,_ she thought. _Something is wrong with her._

Tawny picked up her rum bottle again, and shook it at Ren, forcing several droplets to fly from the mouth of the bottle onto the various articles Ren had spread over the table.

She looked up at Tawny. "Why are you doing this?"

Tawny smiled back and jumped down off the desk. She walked over toward the table and held out the bottle, swiftly turning it upside down and pouring some rum over several of the articles.

Ren's arm shot up, deflecting the bottle and pushing Tawny back.

Tawny grinned and staggered back to the desk she was sitting on.

Several minutes later she shook the bottle again, sending numerous drops flying over onto the articles again.

"Tawny, come on," Ren protested, more annoyed than angry now.

"Come on what?" Tawny retorted, throwing back some more of the rum. "Come on, quit being a bitch? Come on, pay attention to me!"

"What?" Ren asked.

"Is that what you want?" Tawny asked, her eyes fixed on the floor. "You just want a little attention, right? Someone should notice when something is wrong with you—you—your presentation. It should be a poster. That's what's wrong with it."

"Tawny," Ren's voice was softer. "What's wrong?"

"I'm going to go. I don't… I'm sorry," she turned and hurried out of the room, snatching her bottle of rum on the way.

"Tawny!" Ren called after her. "Tawny, wait!"

"No reason to be acting like this," Tawny grumbled to herself as tears started to stream down her cheeks.

She angrily shoved open the doors at the south entrance. She shuddered as she was met with the biting chill of the night.

"Tawny," she heard Ren's voice from behind, in the doorway. "Come back."

She trudged forward, missing the steps and stumbling down, landing on her side in a puddle of ice cold water, her bottle shattering beneath her. "Damn it."

Completely blinded by her tears, and by a stinging slice in her palm, Tawny huddled into a ball in the puddle and cried.

Ren dropped down beside her. "Come back inside."

"No," Tawny muttered. "Leave me alone."

"I'm not going to leave you out here alone, it's freezing," Ren replied, her voice calm and soothing. "Come on."

She helped Tawny to her feet and led her back inside, back to the room.

Once inside, Ren removed Tawny's jacket, wrapping her own around the shivering younger girl, and washed and bandaged her hand. She took Tawny over to the couch and lay down, gesturing for Tawny to lie down as well.

Tawny hesitated a moment, but, in her weariness and loneliness, she was unable to resist the invitation. She lay down on the couch, and felt Ren's arms wrap tightly around her from behind, pressing Tawny close against her warm body.


	9. Whores, Collages, and New Beginnings?

**Chapter Nine: Whores, Collages, and...New Beginnings?**

Ruby had arrived home at nearly 3 AM from Lake Tahoe, but nevertheless she was up at 8 so she had adequate time to get ready for meeting Ren at the school at 10. However, upon arrival in her shiny blue SUV she found Ren standing in the parking lot.

"Could you give me a ride home?" she asked as Ruby pulled up and rolled the window down.

"What? But aren't we…"

"No, I finished it," Ren explained as she climbed into the car. "I just need a ride home, Louis wanted the car so my mom dropped me off last night and--"

"You've been stranded here all night? Because of me! Oh my God!" Ruby gasped, feeling ridiculously guilty. "But doesn't Tawny have a car?"

"Yeah, she does," Ren nodded. "She's still inside."

"Why?"

"She just is," Ren said.

Ruby was skeptical but she accepted the answer…for now.

"Are you sure there's nothing for me to do?" Ruby asked a few seconds later. "I feel awful about leaving it all to you and Tawny."

"No, it's fine, it's done," Ren explained. She'd finished it all by herself that morning, while Tawny remained in her drunken slumber. She took a deep breath. "Ruby, I think you were right. I think something is up with Tawny…something big."

"Why? What'd she do?" Ruby asked, gripping her steering wheel tightly in anticipation of exciting news.

"Well, for starters, she brought alcohol last night… rum. Not even just beer, rum. She's a lightweight too, so she was gone really fast. And she was just being…ridiculous. And she said… well… I don't know," Ren shook her head. "She got really upset all of a sudden and left, but she fell down in a puddle and it was cold and she was crying, and I brought her back inside and we laid down on the couch…"

"'We laid down on the couch'?" Ruby repeated with interest. "Like, what? Did you spoon?"

"Ruby, that's not the point," Ren replied, annoyed.

"You did!" Ruby gleefully exclaimed. "Did you feel her up?"

"She was really upset, I just…did what seemed like the right thing to do. And she calmed down and fell asleep. But she was really upset about something. Louis has always said Tawny was the sane one in their group, the go-to person for advice. She's a rock, according to him. I haven't seen that at all this year, and it's the most I've ever been around her."

"So what are you getting at?"

"I'm just saying something is wrong," Ren reiterated. "But whatever… how about you? How was Tahoe?"

"Oh, if we're talking about me now there's a more pressing matter than Tahoe," Ruby declared.

"Yes?"

"Your brother," Ruby answered.

"What about him?" Ren asked. "Did he do something? Did he put one of his devices in your locker so that it explodes a confetti mess all over the place when you open it?"

"No," Ruby replied.

"Oh," Ren grumbled. "The little rat did that to me on Friday."

"Well, actually, did you know I danced with the little ra—I mean Louis—at my party?"

"Oh, yeah," Ren recalled. "Yeah, I did see that."

"And what'd you think?" Ruby asked proudly.

"I thought you'd had too much to drink."

"Ren!"

"What? Do you honestly expect another answer?" she asked. "Do you know who you're talking to? And who you're talking _about_, for that matter?"

"I like him," Ruby announced.

"Oh God, not this again," Ren groaned.

"What? Not 'not this again', Ren," Ruby retorted. "It's different this time. We really hit it off."

"Ok," Ren shrugged, too distracted with the previous night's events to really argue. "Good for you."

* * *

Tawny blinked a few times, adjusting her eyes to the bright light beaming in through the windows. She sat up quickly upon realizing where she was—on the couch in the corner of the Journalism room—and consequently suffered a fierce throbbing pain in her skull.

She rubbed her head and groaned, wiping some of the sleep from her eyes. Glancing around the room, the memories of the night before came flooding back to her. She'd been acting like a bitch, stupidly having brought rum to what was essentially a homework session with Ren Stevens. And she'd freaked out a little… made a run for it. Fell down in a puddle, of all places… she glanced down and saw the stains from the dirty water and some dried mud crusted onto the side of her jeans.

She sighed. _I'm such an idiot…_

A small folded piece of white paper with her name on it was propped up on a table a few feet in front of her. Slowly she forced herself up and made her way over to it, noticing then that it was resting on top of her neatly folded jacket. She was wearing someone else's coat… Ren's coat.

She unfolded the paper.

_Tawny,_

_I took care of the project so you don't need to worry about anything. It's done. I hope you are feeling better._

_-Ren_

* * *

The next day at school, Ruby made it a point to drop as many hints as she could by Louis—running on the knowledge ingrained in her by Ren that Louis was thick-headed, lazy, and altogether oblivious to anything but himself. So, she had to go the extra mile if she wanted to attract his attention away from such pursuits as collecting wads of gum to create a giant gumball, or seeing how many times in a single week he could stick a 'Kick Me' sign on the principal's back without getting caught red-handed.

And her persistence paid off…

"I'm telling you, Twitty," Louis gloated. "She totally digs me."

"Hey, man, I believe you," Twitty said reassuringly. "But you can get too cocky sometimes and mess things up, just play it cool. That's all I'm saying."

Tawny set her tray down beside them, joining them for the first time in weeks.

Louis glanced over at her "The Fag Brigade not meeting today?"

Twitty tilted his head to the side, annoyed at his friend's insensitivity.

"GSA is only on Tuesdays, Louis," Tawny mumbled back.

"I'm sorry," Louis replied. "I won't call it the Fag Brigade. I don't think it's bad or anything, honest. It just came out. I'm sorry."

She nodded, not really caring either way.

After a few seconds of awkward silence, Twitty forced the conversation onward. "So, Louis thinks Ruby Mendel is into him. You think he has a chance with her?"

Tawny shrugged. "Ruby? Maybe. I could see her being into you. She had a crush on you back in 7th grade at one point too, actually."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Tawny nodded. "But I think it was just because you found that lucky penny."

Louis glared jokingly, and Twitty laughed. "I remember that. That was crazy…"

"Well, there she is," Tawny pointed across the cafeteria. "Why don't you ask her out?"

"Oh, uh," Louis looked to Twitty. "Dude, you think I should?"

"Yeah, go for it," Twitty said. "But remember: Be cool."

"Yeah, yeah," he pushed himself up from his seat and headed over to Ruby.

Tawny and Twitty watched, making absolutely no effort at subtlety.

"Seems to be going well," Twitty nodded.

"Yeah," Tawny agreed. "I don't know her that well, but I think she's a better match for him than I ever was."

Twitty couldn't help but nod in agreement. "So, how have you been?"

"Ok," Tawny lied. "You?"

"Great," he grinned. "Guess how many girls I've slept with in the last month."

"Excuse me?"

"Eight!" he exclaimed. "And none of them are my girlfriend. Just friends. And seven of them I've slept with more than once—that's the beauty of the 'friends with benefits' situation. It's not as risky as a one-night-stand, but it doesn't have all the pressures and expectations of a relationship."

"It's still risky, Twitty," Tawny replied. "And isn't 'friends with benefits' where you are friends with someone, and then it becomes a little more? Not you just meet people and then agree to have sex with them whenever you feel like. You aren't actually friends with any of these girls, are you? You don't know anything about them. Or do you?"

"Well, no, I guess not," he shrugged. "So, whatever, buddy-sex, 'friends with benefits', same deal. Sex without the relationship and without seeming like a total whore."

"First off, you're a guy, most people won't think of you as a whore anyway, just as 'a young man experiencing life, playing the field and all that,' the double-standard is in your favor," Tawny explained. "And secondly, you are still a whore."

He laughed. "Whatever."

"Dude," Louis exclaimed as he dropped into his seat beside Tawny. "She said yes."

"Sweet, bro," Twitty congratulated him with a high-five.

"We're going out this Friday!"

"Nice work, Louis," Tawny nodded, though her attention was caught by Ren who'd appeared at Ruby's side shortly after Louis had left it.

"Thanks," he replied.

Tawny would be forced to encounter Ren the following period for class, specifically in order to return her coat. And all day long she'd been insanely nervous about how she was supposed to approach the older girl in light of Saturday's happenings.

* * *

"He asked me out, can you believe it?" Ruby squealed as they entered Journalism, seconds after the bell had rung.

Ren rolled her eyes and exclaimed in pure mockery: "Oh you're so lucky!"

"Shut up," Ruby shoved her playfully. "So, the project, do we have to present it or something? I can't remember."

"Yeah, just a short presentation explaining what we did, and then showing the slideshow with commentary. I wrote down a script for that, you're doing it. I'll explain the binder portion."

"And Tawny?" Ruby asked, nodding toward the door as the younger entered, as if on cue.

Ren glanced over at her. "If she wants to say something, she can, but I doubt she will. We'll just say she planned the layout."

"Even though she was vehemently opposed to your idea of doing it in binder form and wanted to do a poster or a collage or whatever? Something more artistic?"

"Yeah, well…"

Tawny walked up to the backs of the two girls and cleared her throat.

They both turned around.

"Here," she held out Ren's coat.

"Oh," Ren replied, just then remembering that Tawny had had her coat at all. "Thanks."

"Yeah," Tawny nodded. "So...what are we doing for the presentation?"

"I'm doing the slideshow and Ren's doing the binder, if you want to talk about something too you can, but it's not required," Ruby explained. "You'll get equal credit either way."

Tawny nodded. "Thanks."

"No problem," Ruby smiled. "Now, if you'll excuse me. Marla Forbes was in Tahoe this weekend too, with some dark, mysterious boy and I must find out who he was."

And with that she wandered off to the other end of room to perform her all-important duties as school gossip-monger.

"I should probably say something since I didn't do any of the work on it," Tawny suggested.

"I was just going to say you designed it," Ren shrugged.

"You wanted to say the binder was _my_ idea?" Tawny asked, her eyebrow raised.

"Well," Ren lifted the binder from the table beside them and opened to a random page. "I did each page as a collage, so it incorporated one of your ideas as well."

"Oh," Tawny replied, half-smiling in spite of herself, surprised that Ren went to the trouble to do that after the way she'd been acting.

A few moments of silence passed between them before Tawny spoke up again. "Ok, well, I'm going to go back to my seat."

"Alright."

She was about to turn and leave, but didn't. "Ren?"

"Yes?"

Tawny took a deep breath. "Thank you."

Ren nodded. "No problem."

She turned again to leave.

"Tawny," Ren stopped her this time, lightly touching her arm.

"What?" she turned back to face the brown-eyed girl.

"Are…" Ren paused, only a minutet. "_Are_ you ok?"

Tawny hesitated, momentarily caught in Ren's penetrating, almost threatening, gaze. "I'm f-fine. I'm fine."

Ren nodded and Tawny turned away again.

Ren watched her make her way back to her seat. _You're lying to me, Dean, I can tell._


	10. The Extra Mile

**Chapter Ten: The Extra Mile (To Go or Not to Go)**

"She failed a class, Roger!" Joanne Dean barked across the table at her husband. "And received nothing better than a C in her others!"

"So, she's floundering a little. It happens. Tawny is a self-sufficient kid," he said. "She's independent and is already taking care of this, I'm sure. It was just a half-year art class anyway."

"She has never floundered before, Roger, maybe she does need some help. Art is her favorite subject, I can't imagine why that one would suffer most. Maybe we should do something…" Joanne pushed a lock of brown hair out of her face and resituated her glasses. "As a family, I mean. A weekend trip, or something. It would give us ample alone time with her to assess the situation and take the necessary steps. Not to mention, Valentine's Day is just over a week away, and it falls on the weekend this year. So, perhaps we could get things back on track too," she sighed. "It would require a little emotional investment on your part, so it makes sense that you'd be opposed."

"Don't you go and try and make this about us, Jo," he grumbled back, shaking his head. "It's about Tawny. Not us."

"Fine, well, she failed a course, will have poor grades on her first semester report card now—which goes on her permanent record, she has two speeding tickets from the last two weeks, and her attendance has been erratic in several classes according to the school. Not to mention she's obviously been getting into our drinks. How is none of this worrying you in the least?"

"She's always been good, and now she's breaking out of that mold. It happens. It's not as outlandish as you're making it out to be," he sighed. "You should know this, Jo. You're a psychiatrist."

"And so are you!" she snapped back. "And now there's something in our home that requires the type of attention we make a living off giving…"

"So, what do you want to do? Make curfew earlier? It's not like we check on her anyway. She'll be fine. So she's making a few mistakes. She's a smart kid. She'll straighten herself out. We have more important things to deal with in this house than her little rebellion."

"I suppose," Joanne replied, bitterly sipping her coffee. "There are more important things than our daughter…"

"Now you know that's not what I mean," he snapped back. "I am saying I don't think our daughter is going to stray very far off track before she gets her senses back and fixes this herself. And that's the way she likes to fix things. By herself. She's a very independent girl, Jo. You know that just as well as I do."

She shrugged. "I just… I have a feeling it's different."

"Of course you do," he nodded angrily. "You want to make this about us. I'm not paying _you_ enough attention, I'm spending all my time at work, I'm not…" he sighed. "This isn't about us, Jo. It's about Tawny. And, unlike us, Tawny can fix her own problems."

On the stairway Tawny sat, listening to the latest argument. It was mostly about her—at least on the surface it was. So they noticed when things were different with her, once things got to a certain point anyway. Once she was doing poorly in school and getting into mild trouble… and going through their liquor supply, not bothering to hide her tracks at all… wouldn't most parents buckle down more at such a discovery?

Yes. Most would. Most cared enough to do so… but Tawny's parents? All they cared about was work and fighting with each other. And both of those things took priority over Tawny.

No… they cared. They just figured she could take care of herself. They figured she wouldn't take the path so many wayward youth stumbled down.

Though an only child, she was never basked in attention the way many assume kids without siblings are. But she was never completely ignored either… No, the neglect was new. That was a biproduct of their being so wrapped up in bitching at each other that they forgot to pay her any attention at all.

She sighed. Why did she need their attention anyway? She could get affection elsewhere if she really wanted, couldn't she? It's not as easy when your only friends are two teenage boys who are too busy being blinded by their own raging hormones to see that something is wrong with you, let alone have the capablities of helping you.

_And I don't even know what is wrong, really...It seems like everything is._

Glancing at her watch, she jumped to her feet and headed down the stairs, bidding her parents farewell with only the slam of the door.

* * *

"Hey," Twitty greeted Tawny as she approached him and Louis near the gym—both boys had PE first thing in the morning. 

She nodded a greeting back.

"I'm trying to convince Louis to make _the_ move with Ruby," Twitty explained. "You know, to, uh, go the extra mile with her, if you feel me"

"I get it, Twitty," she replied, rolling her eyes. "You couldn't be more obvious."

"Well, they've gone on, what? 4 dates now?" he looked to Louis for confirmation.

"5, actually," Louis corrected, blushing a little. "This weekend will be our sixth."

"So, there you go," Twitty said. "5 dates… and Ruby Mendel has a bit of a reputation, if you know what I'm saying."

Tawny nodded again, annoyed.

"I know she's put out sooner before, so…"

"Well, what do I do? I mean, I've never…" Louis searched for the appropriate words.

"You're a virgin," Tawny stating, basking in the embarrassment it caused him.

"Yeah, well, so are you," he retorted defensively.

She grinned. "Well, technically speaking, yes. But I've been with a girl."

"You have?" Louis looked up in shock.

"Yeah, dude, didn't you hear about her article? Tom told us about it before he left…"

"What?" Louis glanced back at Tawny, still unable to comprehend what they were saying.

"I'm just letting you know that even I bedded a chick before you," Tawny smirked. "You're the last one of us, so it's about time."

"No, not if you count Tom," Louis countered.

"Actually," Twitty interrupted. "He met a girl at art school and…"

"What?!" he whirled around and stormed off toward the locker room. "Unbelievable!"

Twitty and Tawny laughed at him as he left.

"Seriously though, life is better with sex," Twitty nodded. "So you should get with someone, Tawny. You've been down a lot lately and it might improve your mood. In fact, I'll put money on it."

"You're such a whore, Twitty," she laughed, shaking her head and leaving him there as she wandered off to class.

* * *

"So, Ren, what do you think?" Ruby plopped down beside her friend in Journalism. "Your brother is a virgin, right? Or did he and Tawny ever…?" 

"Ruby," Ren folded the latest edition of the school paper and set it down on the desk in front of her. "For the last time, I know we're best friends but we are _not_ going to have this conversation."

"Why not?' she whined in protest.

"Because I don't want to think about or discuss my brother's sex life, that's why," she replied, not sure why Ruby couldn't seem to figure it out for herself. "It's a legitimate reason."

"You can at least tell me if he's a virgin or a player, can't you?"

"A player? Louis?" Ren laughed. "He would be if he could."

"So, is he a virgin? Has he slept with anyone?" the blonde girl pushed. "Only girls he feels intimately connected to?"

"Intimately connected?" Ren laughed. "Ruby, you've slept with how many guys?"

"14," she replied, matter-of-factly.

"So why do you care?"

"Just tell me, Ren!"

"What makes you think Louis would tell me that anyway? Do you think I tell him those kinds of things?"

"Don't siblings tell each other everything?"

"Ha," Ren laughed. "Yeah right."

"Really?"

"Yes, you're sorely mistaken," she replied. "He might confide that kind of stuff to Donny, but not me. And I am thankful for that."

"Ren?" Tawny appeared over them, interrupting their conversation. "Can I have a word with you?"

"Of course," Ren said, gesturing to the empty seat across from her.

"Did you and Louis ever had sex?" Ruby blurted out, catching the attention of several other students.

Tawny looked around at everyone staring at her.

Ren's eyes were fixed on her in genuine interest.

"No, we didn't," she replied.

Everyone resumed their business.

Ren felt strangely relieved. "So, what's up?"

"You were in charge of the grades in this class, no?" Tawny asked, obviously unhappy about someting.

"Yes," the older girl nodded.

"You gave me a C-."

"Yes."

"What?" Ruby looked over at Ren, surprised.

"This class is supposed to be an easy A, everyone knows that," Tawny said.

"The average grade in the class was an A-," Ren explained, nodding.

"A-?" Tawny repeated. "But I got a C-."

"Because you deserved a C-," Ren stated.

"What?"

"Your grade breaks down into 5 areas, Tawny," Ren began. "You have to submit articles for every issue—that's 30 percent. You have to submit story suggestions every week—15 percent. You have to get a story printed in almost every issue, you're allowed to miss two—30 percent. Attendance is 15 percent. And, last, but not least, 10 percent is based on your behavior, cooperation, things like that. You submitted articles every week, but only ever got the beat articles published. Those only count for half of the total percentage in this category. Your attendance is…lacking. Half the time when you do decide to show up, you're late. And your attitude has been, well, also lacking most of the time. And you never submitted story suggestions, not once."

"The fact that my non-beat articles didn't get published is beyond my control," Tawny argued. "I did them. I submitted them and _you_ chose not to include them!"

"Because you rarely made the necessary changes," Ren contended. "You got defensive and argued that they didn't need to be made rather than just making them."

"This is ridiculous, it's not fair," Tawny crossed her arms, trying hard to keep from raising her voice.

"It's fair," Ren replied. "I am not grading you any differently than anyone else. I gave you what I felt you deserved."

"What did Ruby get? She skips all the time."

"She got a B," Ren looked over at her friend. "So, if she improved her attendance, she could've had an A."

Ruby shrugged. "B's alright by me."

"And, actually, you could've had a D, but since we let you take some credit for that project we did last month, it bumped you up to C-," Ren added. "You should be grateful."

Tawny glowered across the table at Ren.

"I'm sorry, sugar," Ren got to her feet and rested both palms on the table, leaning slightly toward the younger girl. "But you need to go the extra mile to satisfy me."

Tawny and Ruby's jaws dropped simultaneously as Ren headed off to consult with the sub-editors.

Tawny shifted uneasily in her seat, though she wasn't too distressed by the seeming insinuation made by Ren. _She probably hadn't meant for it to come out like that…but…the way she was speaking, the tone of her voice… maybe she **had** meant it that way. No, no. Why would she? Ren Stevens hinting at… sexual favors? No way…No, this is just my mind in the gutter._

Ruby glanced at her curiously, then hurried after Ren.

Pulling her friend to the side of the room, she could hardly contain herself. "What the hell was that?"

"What? I was just meeting with the sub-editors, Ruby, like I do every week…?"

"No, with Tawny, over at the table," Ruby pressed.

"You were there, I explained everything. If she doesn't meet the requirements, she's not going to get a good grade, that's just the way it works."

"No!" Ruby snapped, frustrated. "I mean the 'Sorry, sugar, but you need to go the extra mile to satisfy me'," Ruby repeated, doing her best to imitate Ren's obviously sexually suggestive tone.

"Oh," Ren laughed. "Get your mind out of the gutter."

"Seriously, Ren?" Ruby continued. "You've been… weird with Tawny all year."

"Weird?" Ren asked, seeking clarification, though she knew what Ruby would say.

"Yes. First you torment her, then you feel her up at my party, then you guys, like, spoon, and now you're making comments like that?"

Ren just smirked and ignored her friend, returning to work among the sub-editors.

"So you aren't denying it, then?" Ruby called after her, baffled.


	11. Things Can Always Get Worse

**A/N:** Sorry for all the ridiculous typos in my chapters… I really don't proof these most of the time. And, I'm glad you all enjoyed the "sugar" line so much. On to more drama… Tawny really can't seem to cut a break with Valentine's Day in my stories, it seems…

**Chapter Eleven: Things Can Always Get Worse**

Tawny slammed her door behind her and let out a frustrated sigh. She wanted to scream, but, being the Queen of Reserve that she is, she refrained. Instead, she hurled her backpack across the room.

The past month had been insufferable. Beginning with her mother's forced family Valentine's Day trip, it only seemed to get worse with each passing day.

First of all, Tawny couldn't imagine why on earth Valentine's Day would be a holiday worthy of a family trip. It was for couples, particularly those in the joyful years when children had yet to infiltrate their lives.

However, her mother had insisted on it. So, they journeyed to visit her family in Modesto—yes, that was her Valentine's get-away. Needless to say, both Tawny and her father were not at all pleased with having to endure a whole weekend with her mother's relatives. Nor did Tawny feel comfortable going out to dinner with her parents on the holiday she felt could've been used to give them one happy evening together, if possible. She didn't see how her company could contribute to the evening, unless it served as motivation not to fight. But it didn't.

No, they fought loud and clear. Both got to their feet in the restaurant and a vicious shouting-match ensued. The manager came over and tried to calm them, but they would not be interrupted. Tawny slouched in her chair, holding the menu in front of her face, humiliated at her parents' juvenile behavior.

She slid down to the floor, her back against her closed bedroom door. Tears stung her eyes beneath her furrowed brow as she recalled the fight.

She hadn't been listening to most of it, too busy watching everyone that was watching them, trying to go unnoticed, and fighting the urge to run from the table (and, for that matter, trying to decide between spaghetti and ravioli).

She didn't hear most of the fight, but she heard the end of it:

"This whole trip was a stupid idea, Jo! It was a mistake!"

"I'm just trying to fix this family!"

"What makes you think it's worth fixing? It was never supposed to exist in the first place!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"We weren't even happy when we were dating, Joanne! If you hadn't accidentally gotten pregnant, do you really think I'd have married you? No! I came over to dump you and instead I got 'I'm pregnant'. Why should I celebrate this family? I've been miserable for the past 16 years! This family brought the end of my life!"

"16 years?' one of the waiters looked at another.

"That's a long time to hold that kind of stuff in, man," the other nodded back at his colleague.

And the best part? Tawny sniffed, wiping her eyes. Never once in their massive tirade did either Joanne or Roger look at their daughter, sitting there, utterly shocked and extremely pained at the words from her father's lips.

And never did they try and explain the situation to her in the weeks that followed. No, every member of the Dean household simply moved about like ghosts, coexisting but not communicating.

Until recently, over a month later, Joanne had up and decided to invest her time in what she called "rectifying the Tawny problem". That is, returning her daughter to the right path.

She didn't do this by talking to Tawny, however. She opted to simply take action: for every "mistake" Tawny made, whether it was stealing her parents liquor or skipping class, Joanne took away her daughter's freedom in increments. First, she lost her car keys, second the computer, third her cell phone, fourth the home phone, fifth the TV… and so on and so forth. Until it was a matter of simply extending the confiscation of an item because there was nothing left to take.

And when Tawny got caught having thrown a huge party when her parents were out of town? Well, then everything was confiscated and she was under parent-imposed house arrest. They drove her to school, the picked her up. Yes, she was grounded for a month, including spring break, which was just days away.

And today? What had her sitting on the floor of her bedroom in tears?

Ren Stevens.

Ren Stevens was driving her mad. Ren Stevens was more than she could handle at a time like this. And Ren Stevens was someone Tawny couldn't avoid, someone she couldn't seem to have any success with retaliation, and someone she couldn't get out of her head.

Tawny was going out of her way to produce excellent articles in that class, and Ren wouldn't use them! Not ever! The last week's article had been perfect, Ren had hardly marked it at all, save an exclaimed 'good work' with a smiley face. And still, it wasn't printed. And when she confronted Ren, Ren had reasons! She wasn't just messing with Tawny, she had reasons that Tawny couldn't argue with. She had explanations and was perfectly composed and completely in control… and Tawny hated it. And found it unbelievably sexy…which only made matters worse.

She couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be with Ren… though the very idea of having a relationship with the girl seemed ridiculous. They fought most of the time, it seemed. They never agreed on anything. The relationship would crash and burn before it really even got off the ground. That much seemed inevitable to Tawny. Still she couldn't help wondering…

A light rapping on the door snapped her out of her contemplations. "What?" she forced, wiping her eyes and getting to her feet.

Her mother pushed open the door, she was holding the telephone. "I have some news…Aunt Margaret has…passed away."

Tawny felt her stomach drop. "What?"

Joanne simply shut the door and left.

Tawny let out a pained gasp and fell back onto her bed, her gaze falling onto the mostly empty black journal sitting on her nightstand. Margaret was the one who'd given it to her. She was her father's sister, and the only relative who Tawny ever saw eye-to-eye with. She hadn't seen her in months… not since July… and then she didn't even spend that much time with her because she'd met Julia and was quite enamored with her. She reached over and grabbed the book, opening it to the second page (the first had several crossed out sentences and doodles scribbled all over it).

She began to write.

And the following morning, she submitted it for a place in the forum section.

* * *

"I turned it in at the end of class yesterday," Tawny explained to Twitty, who sat across from her. "I'm trying to avoid Ren reading it so that I actually have a chance at getting published."

Twitty nodded. "So, what did you write about this time?"

"Something…personal," she replied. "If it gets printed, you'll know. Though I doubt it will. It's pretty…inappropriate."

"Sex again?"

"No, this time it's death," she said, starting to laugh. "Actually, I hope Ren does read it. It'll probably freak her out."

He grinned. "Hey, so Louis and I are going to Six Flags over break. My uncle got me 6 free day-passes. You want to come? Louis might invite Ruby."

"No, I can't," she answered, not too disappointed as amusement parks weren't really her scene. "I'm grounded until mid-April."

"Just for skipping class so much?"

"And other things," she said, keeping the story vague.

Twitty could tell she didn't want to tell him any more, and so he didn't press the matter. Instead, he chose to move on to a subject he'd been pushing on Tawny for quite some time. "So, I think you should hook up with Declan Jones. He's totally your type, and I already talked to him about you. He's totally interested. And most importantly, he's cool if you just want to have sex and, you know, you don't want to deal with a relationship."

"Oh, really?" Tawny turned to him in mock-interest. "You found a guy who is willing to just have sex with me?"

"You know what I mean," Twitty said, laughing. "I'm serious, Tawny. You need someone."

She didn't reply. She wanted someone, that was certain. She needed affection, of some sort, from somewhere. But she didn't want a boyfriend…or a girlfriend. She didn't want a relationship. They were just problematic. They were always begging for trouble. Twitty was right about that. _Look at my parents, 16 years and they hate each other. That's love? That's a relationship. Or there was Louis…that was…ridiculous. That's all that was._

"You need some lovin', Tawny," Twitty continued. "You do. But the last thing you need is stress. You're not happy. So you aren't in a place to be concerned with anyone else's happiness. And being in a relationship puts you in the place. It gives you that responsibility."

She nodded. "You're right, actually."

"Sweet!" he exclaimed. "It's about time you saw the light."

"I don't know why you're so concerned with me," Tawny sighed. "I mean, Louis still hasn't bedded Ruby."

"That is true," Twitty nodded. "I don't know what the deal is with that. Maybe Ren has got into Ruby's head and convinced her to make him sweat it out. But whatever, he's not here right not. You are. And you need to make some new friends… friends who are more than friends."

"Friends with benefits, I know the concept, Twitty," she replied. "You've only been shoving it down my throat for the last month."

"Sorry, I'm just trying to help," Twitty said with a smile, offering Tawny some of his chips.

She nodded. "So, you really think it's better than a relationship?"

"All the perks, none of the stress-- how is it not better?"

She was inclined to say that being committed to one person was more rewarding, but she couldn't find a single reason to back up that thought.

"Exactly my point," Twitty laughed, responding to her silence.

* * *

Tawny ambled into Journalism nearly fifteen minutes late. She locked eyes with Ren almost instantly and new that the older girl had read her article.

Ren quickly ended a conversation she was having with another student and made her way across the room to Tawny, grabbing hold of her arm and dragging her back out into the hall.

"What?" Tawny asked, trying to sound confused.

"What?" Ren repeated. "Is this true? About your aunt?"

"Yes, she died Monday afternoon."

"Why would you…" Ren hesitated, eyeing Tawny with a mixture of concern and anger. "Why would you write about that in such a…macabre--"

"Because it's what I felt like writing," Tawny interrupted. "She's only mentioned in the beginning anyway. It was an introduction to--"

"To your graphic, derogatory, and often insensitive meditations on death, and ways to kill?" Ren responded, cutting her off in turn. "You could get suspended for some of the stuff you've written in here," she waved the paper in front of Tawny. "Even expelled maybe. And, to top it off, this article has no point. It's like Edgar Allen Poe threw up all his nastiest ideas onto a sheet of paper. It's just going for shock value. And then you get into the suicide thing…"

"So you aren't going to print it, big surprise, Ren," Tawny shrugged. "Why did you need to drag me out here?"

Ren stared at her, utterly confused, but doing her best to hide it with anger. "What the hell is the matter with you, Tawny?"

Tawny didn't answer, but half-grinned back.

"Seriously," Ren repeated, lowering her voice. "Are you ok?"

Tawny was taken aback by the swift change from anger to concern. She reluctantly forced out an answer. "Nothing."

"You were close to this woman, to your aunt, and she dies and you write this? No, that's not…" Ren shook her head. "And you've been…what is wrong, Tawny?"

"Nothing," Tawny repeated. "Everything is fine. I'm fine."

"No, you're not," Ren stated. "You need to talk to someone."

"Oh, come on," Tawny crossed her arms. "You think I need therapy."

"I think you need someone," Ren replied, promptly leaving Tawny alone in the hallway.

_Everyone thinks I **need** someone. I know I **want** someone. So what's stopping me? _


	12. The Hunger

**A/N:** Ok, **trix is for kids**,this is my response to your chapter's cliffhanger. :-)

**Chapter 12: The Hunger**

"Tawny!" Joanne called up the staircase for the third time, glancing at her watch—it was nearly 1:30 in the afternoon and she was running late, her flight departed in less than two hours. She would be forced to leave her newly-delinquent daughter alone for the weekend, as Roger was also out of town on business.

"What? I'm trying to get dressed. I have plans," Tawny barked back, annoyed.

Joanne hesitated, not really having anything planned to say to her daughter—rather only wanting to check up on her. "Have you finished your homework?"

"It's Saturday," Tawny replied. "I'll do it tomorrow. I'm going over to Twitty's." Louis supposedly had urgent news, though Tawny felt confident she already knew what it was.

"I don't know, maybe you should do some homework first," Joanne suggested. "We don't want you to fall behind again."

Tawny rolled her eyes. "As glad as I am that you've suddenly decided to care, I don't need it, mom. Like dad said, I'm self-sufficient. I don't need anybody. And this is my first day free in a month, I'm not doing homework."

Joanne didn't reply, only retreated into the living room. She was worried about Tawny, but more worried about missing her flight.

Tawny wanted attention—but she wanted _real_ attention. Not her mother just going through the motions… there wasn't an ounce of confidence or authority in her voice. She grounded her daughter for a month, had still yet to broach the subject of her father's confession, had yet to really talk to Tawny about any of it, and only spoke up at random intervals to feebly enforce things like homework.

_And I remember a time when you used to be a parent_, Tawny thought with a frown.

A few moments later her mother returned to the entry way, wearing 4-inch heels and with her over-sized suitcase in hand (she'd only be gone two nights). She hollered a farewell to her daughter and Tawny heard the door slam shut before she had time to respond.

She didn't care anymore though. She'd spent the last few months in misery because, in addition to other things, her parents paid her no attention—but having one of them suddenly start out of a sense of obligation rather than desire or love wasn't any better.

Tawny sighed and headed out the front, shutting and locking the door behind her. She crossed her arms for warmth, it being an unusually cold April day, and began walking to Twitty's (for whatever reason, her car privileges were being withheld longer than others).

She arrived at Twitty's about a half hour later, dismayed to find that the discussion had begun without her.

"So… that's the plan, do you think it'll work?"

"Dude, it's Ruby Mendel," Twitty laughed.

"So? She's not just some whore," he barked defensively.

"I know, dude, I didn't mean--"

"That's debatable," Tawny said as she entered. "So, your big news is… you've come up with a plan to get Ruby to sleep with you? I bet you could just ask and she'd say yes. It's not like she's known for her chastity, Louis."

"I want it to be special, ok? I mean… she's had more… experienced guys than me and I want to make a good impression."

"Oh, so a nice date to distract her from the sex part?"

"Yeah, basically," he nodded. "Check this out."

He tossed a long, white box at her.

She caught it and opened it. A thin gold chain was inside with a small, heart-shaped locket . _How…typical,_ Tawny thought, _but it is sweet._

"Of course, this could always backfire, Louis," Tawny said, looking at him knowingly. "I mean, what if you're unforgettably bad? And every time she sees this it'll remind her of the worst sex of her life?"

Louis jaw dropped.

"I'm sorry," Tawny apologized. "I don't mean to freak you out. I really don't."

"No, what if you're right?" he stammered. "What if…"

"Dude, just be cool. It'll be fine," Twitty said reassuringly glaring at Tawny.

"It will be, Louis," Tawny reiterated. "I've just had a bad day, a bad…couple months, and I'm trying to bring you down too for no reason. I'm sorry. Just relax and everything will be fine."

"Ok, ok," he nodded anxiously, inhaling deeply. "I'll be fine. It'll be good."

"It's going to be great, man," Twitty said, patting Louis' back.

* * *

"He's making it sound like it's going to be a special date," Ruby explained, pacing Ren's room in excitement. 

"Uh huh," Ren nodded.

"I bet he wants to get lucky," Ruby giggled. "He's probably going to pull all the stops."

"Ruby, please," Ren sighed. "I don't want to talk about you and Louis... if it was any other guy, sure, but Louis? I still haven't gotten over the fact that you're dating him at all."

Ruby rolled her eyes. "Well, what about you then? Let's talk about you."

"So, you think Louis is going to make the move tonight then, huh?"

Ruby laughed. "Seriously, Ren."

"Seriously what?"

"You need to get with someone..." Ruby said, hesitating a moment before adding: "How about Tawny?"

"Tawny?" Ren tried to sound uninterest in the idea, though Ruby knew her too well for that.

"I've spelled your behavior out for you plenty of times now, Ren," she claimed. "Clearly you have some interest in her. even if it's just, you know, sexual. That's ok. Go for it!"

"Ruby," Ren groaned. "Tawny's not a whore."

"Ah," Ruby smiled. "So you _are_ interested in her?"

"What? I didn't say--"

"I suggest that you sleep with her and you don't say you aren't interested, you say 'she's not a whore'-- clearly implying that you want to sleep with her, you just don't think she'll go for a one-night-stand."

"_I_ won't go for a one-night-stand," Ren grumbled. "It's dirty and low."

"Thanks," Ruby scoffed, though she didn't take personal offense.

Ren laid back on her bed. "Tawny and I... we do nothing but fight most of the time. Why would I possibly want to bother with that?"

"Because... you _want_ her," Ruby stated matter-of-factly. "She drives you up the wall. I've seen the way you look at her in class sometimes-- like a dog staring at a piece of meat, that's how."

"Ruby!"

"It's true!"

Ren groaned and pulled her pillow over her face. She hated it when Ruby was right.

Ruby grinned. "Ok, well, I'm going to go get ready. Louis is going to pick me up around five."

* * *

It took over two hours to completely restore Louis' confidence, including some ridiculously false ego-boosting that Tawny was certain they'd regret later. In any case, Tawny had decided not to stay long, leaving around 4:30, feeling that her unhappiness and dreary outlook on things would do nothing to help either of the boys in the process of getting Louis ready for the evening. 

Instead she opted to trudge home in the cold. _So… Louis is going to get some… Twitty's been getting lots…and I… I am just alone._

Twitty's philosophy had been gaining more and more popularity in Tawny's thoughts of late. The idea of having some outlet for physical...affection… grew more appealing every time she considered it. There were plenty of options, really… she just needed to find the right person to fulfill her desires…

"Hey, Tawny!"

A familiar voice snapped her out of her revelry. Tawny turned to find Ren sitting along at a table outside a small café on the corner near her house. She turned and headed over to the table, taking the vacant seat across from the older girl. "Hi, Ren. Isn't it a little cold to be eating outside?"

"It's April," Ren replied.

"But it's a cold day still," Tawny elaborated, annoyed.

"Sorry," Ren said, noting the irritation on Tawny's face.

Tawny shook her head. "I'm sorry. I'm just...cold. I have bad circulation and my hands are freezing."

"Oh," Ren automatically grabbed the younger girl's hands in her own and rubbed them together.

Tawny half-smiled at the gesture, not quite sure what to make of it.

Noting Tawny's odd expression, the questioning look in her blue eyes, Ren pulled her hands back. "Anyway, I just wanted to say hi since I saw you. Do you like clubs?"

"Huh?"

"Sandwiches, I mean," she explained. "I can't finish mine, if you're interested."

"Oh," Tawny answered. "Um… yeah, I guess. If you don't want it," she looked at Ren for confirmation.

"Go for it," Ren said, gesturing for her to take it.

Tawny slid Ren's plate over to her side of the table. "There is something I wanted to talk with you about, actually."

"Yeah?" Ren asked, expecting it to be something regarding another unprinted article.

"I was wondering if you could… help me with something," Tawny started.

"Sure, what?"

"I want to know how to go about graduating early? As in, next year."

* * *

"I can pay for you for half, Louis," Ruby insisted as she walked arm-in-arm with him to the car. "That restaurant was really expensive." 

"No," he replied, kissing her on the cheek. "I've got it covered. It's fine."

"Ok…" she responded, feeling a little guilty.

"Now, uh," he cleared his throat. "I, uh, have something for you."

"Ooh!" she couldn't help but reveal how thrilled she was at the thought of a gift.

He smiled. "It's inside," he explained as he opened the car door and ushered her in.

Ruby climbed in excitedly and waited for him to join her.

Louis took a deep breath, and then laughed at himself._ It's not like she's going to do you here in the parking lot, man, calm down._ He climbed in smiling and reached across to the glove box.

"Uh," his hand felt around frantically. "Damn it."

"It's ok if you forgot it," Ruby quickly assured him.

"No it's not," he groaned. "It's at my house, on my desk."

"I'll get it some other time," Ruby maintained.

He sighed, turning the key in the ignition. "No, we can get it now. No one's home anyway, so it's not like Ren will interrupt us or my parents will get all 'so, how's your date going? Is he being a gentleman? And all that junk."

"What would we be doing that Ren would interrupt us from?" Ruby asked teasingly.

"Oh, uh, no, I just mean…"

She laughed. "Oh, I know what you mean."

"No," he insisted. "I just meant, you know, in general."

"Uh huh," Ruby nodded, unbelieving. Not that she cared, hell, the girl had abstained for months now…

Once they arrived at the Stevens house, the two of them hurried upstairs to Louis bedroom.

"Here, see," he snatched the box off his desk and handed it to her. "I told you."

Ruby opened it slowly and gasped—not that she didn't have eleven very similar such gifts from previous boys—but it was so sweet! "Thank you, Louis! It's beautiful!"

She kissed him. "So, no one is home? Or coming home anytime soon?"

"Uh, n-no," he gulped, shaking his head.

"Well, then," she grinned, forcefully pushing him backward onto his bed.

* * *

Ren and Tawny were sauntering back along the sidewalk in the direction of their homes—the Stevens only lived a few blocks further down from the Dean family. It was nearly nine o'clock and they'd been forced to move when the cafe closed. They had completely lost track of time. The sun had gone down an hour or so before and the street was dark, only one flickering streetlight illuminating the block. 

"No, hey, Louis isn't a bad guy," Ren grinned. "He's been there for me in all my darkest moments—granted he was usually pointing at me and laughing… but still."

Tawny laughed, and then found herself surprised to realize that the first person to make her really laugh in awhile was the notoriously unfunny Ren Stevens.

"It's just weird having him and Ruby dating," Ren said, shaking her head. "I can't quite get my mind around it."

"I know what you mean," Tawny nodded. "Even if I think they're quite fitting."

Ren shrugged. "I suppose."

"This is me," Tawny said, pointing at her house.

"Oh, ok," Ren said, coming to a stop, disappointed but hiding it well. "Well, see? We can get along sometimes."

Tawny grinned. "Yeah, I guess."

Ren shoved her hands into her coat pockets, and uncomfortably rocked her body back and forth.

Tawny couldn't help but wonder if the older girl was nervous, though why she couldn't imagine. It was cute, actually… to see this odd behavior from the always-in-control Ren Stevens.

Ren cleared her throat. "So, uh…later, I guess."

"Yeah," Tawny replied, surprising herself by barely being able to choke the reluctant word out.

Ren hesitated a few more moments, stepping back as if to leave, but not moving. Her heart was racing as she stared at the blue-eyed girl, watching her. Ruby's words were echoing in her head: _You want her. Go for it._

Tawny eyed her, confused and a little suspicious.

Ren took a deep breath and another step back, turning to leave.

Tawny did likewise, finding herself angry all of a sudden, for no apparent reason. She turned and walked toward her front door.

_Just do it, damn it, this is your chance,_ Ren sighed, watching Tawny move toward her front door. _She shuts that door and that's it._

Tawny jerked her house keys out of her pocket in frustration, only to be grabbed by the arm and whirled around without getting the chance to use them. Before she realized what was going on Ren's lips were on hers.

It was a quick kiss, just a taste, only a moment before Ren withdrew, but Tawny instinctively pulled her back for a deeper kiss before she even opened her eyes.

Several seconds later Tawny broke the kiss, the need to breathe winning out among her other desires of the moment. She kept her eyes shut and pressed her forehead against Ren's chin. "Do…do you want to come inside?"


	13. About the Other Night

**A/N:** I am immensely bothered by the fact that I didn't spell out "twelve" in the chapter title last chapter… -- But in any case, thank you for so many reviews… it inspired me to update sooner than I was planning, it did. 

**Chapter Thirteen: About the Other Night**

Monday morning found Louis Stevens in a very good mood.

"It was freaking amazing, man," he could hardly contain himself as he boasted to his friend. "It was just…"

Twitty nodded, a broad grin on his face. He turned his attention to Tawny, hoping to hear her opinion, but she was just sitting across from them, arms crossed, lost in thought. She'd been out of it all day, for that matter. "Hey, Tawny!"

"What? Huh?" she replied, clearly startled.

"How was your weekend?" Twitty asked, folding his arms on the table. "Louis and me both got some, any chance you finally lucked out too?"

"Oh, uh," she hesitated. "N-no."

"You totally did!" Twitty nearly shouted. "Who's the lucky guy? Or girl, I guess?"

"No, I didn't…" she paused again. "I've got to go."

"Oh, come on," Twitty said, leaning back in his chair and eyeing his abnormally shaken friend.

Tawny ignored him and hurried out of the cafeteria.

She found an empty hallway and leaned against the wall of lockers, exhaling a long breath. _I need to talk to someone…_

Suddenly out of the corner of her eye, Ren and Ruby appeared. She slipped into a doorway, fairly certain that neither of the girls had seen her as they passed by. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath…

"_Do…do you want to come inside?" her eyes were closed and her forehead was pressed against Ren's chin, she was using every ounce of energy to stay standing._

"_Y-yeah," Ren replied, her voice a tad shaky but more confident than she'd been seconds before on sidewalk._

_Tawny turned around and pushed her key into the lock, frustrated when it wouldn't turn._

_Ren was standing right behind her, there was barely an inch between the two of them, and she could feel Ren's breath on the back of her neck…one of her hands barely brushing Tawny's hip…_

_Finally the key turned and the door opened, the two of them slipping inside…_

"Tawny, hey!"

She opened her eyes to find Brandi Arthur and Lukas Reynolds, her GSA friends, standing in front of her.

"Hey, guys," she breathed.

"Your grounding is up today, right?" Lukas asked, running a hand through his black hair. "You going to come out with us this weekend?"

"Sure, maybe," Tawny nodded, smiling—trying too hard to make it seem like everything was normal.

"Ok, what happened? Spill…" Brandi said, able to tell that something was up. They might not have been the closest friends, but they knew Tawny well enough to recognize such odd behaviors.

Tawny hesitated—not sure if she knew either of them well enough to share, but deciding she had to tell someone and there was no better option. "Uh, this weekend, I, um…"

Brandi and Lukas stepped closer to her, so as to prevent anyone else from hearing, even though there was no one else in the hall.

"I, uh… well, ok…Ren was over, I mean, we were walking by my house—we'd been talking and, uh, we were by my house… and she, she kissed me. And then… I kissed her," Tawny explained, pausing as the memories of the evening, every moment, came flooding back to her.

_Tawny shut the door behind them swiftly._

"_Your parents are--"_

"_Out of town," Tawny answered quickly as she locked the door._

_Ren flung her coat over the stair rail and turned to Tawny. She pressed her hard against the door then, kissing her again._

_A few minutes later they moved to the staircase, slowly but surely making their way up, lips locked, hands exploring…_

"Tawny!" Brandi snapped her out of her fantasy again.

"S-sorry," Tawny stammered, out of breath.

Brandi guessed the rest of Tawny's story. "So, what does this mean? I mean, Ren's not a one-night-stand type of girl… I was an exception, I was her rebound… but usually she doesn't roll like that. Have you discussed this with her yet?"

Tawny shook her head. "No, I haven't seen her since Saturday. Except a few seconds ago I did, but… I hid in here."

Brandi and Lukas laughed.

Tawny didn't find it funny. "I don't know. I'm not… I mean, I don't…I don't want a relationship or anything. That's the last thing I need right now."

"It could be good for you, Tawn," Lukas chimed in.

"Yeah, it could," Brandi agreed.

"No, I can't be bothered to be responsible for someone else's happiness when I can't even handle my own," Tawny insisted. "I can't do it. There's no way. I just… I can't."

"Ok, ok," Brandi said. "Calm down. But what if that is what she's thinking?"

"I just need…someone… I needed to be with someone."

"Uh huh," Lukas nodded. "That blond friend of yours got to your head with his 'friends with benefits' philosophy."

Tawny didn't say anything. He was right though. She had really warmed up to Twitty's idea.

"But you…you kind of _like_ Ren, don't you?" Brandi asked.

"I don't know," Tawny mumbled, wondering how these two kids could read her so well. Sure, she'd spent almost every weekend with them prior to her grounding, but they were usually all drunk.

"Friends with benefits… you shouldn't do that with someone you really like as more than friends," Brandi warned. "It won't end up good, I guarantee it. That's for people who aren't interested in each other—not really. Like you and me, we could be friends with benefits. But you and Ren? I think there'd be problems there."

"Well, I don't know if I feel that way about Ren really," Tawny shrugged. "I mean… we… we would never work. In a relationship, I mean."

Brandi nodded. "Well, I don't see her as going for a 'friends with benefits' thing anyway, but you better clear this up with her."

Tawny nodded. "Obviously."

Brandi smiled then. "She's good, isn't she? Ooh, did she do the thing…" she looked over at Lukas and then stepped closer to Tawny, leaning over and whispering in her ear.

"Oh, God, yeah," Tawny breathed. "Yeah, she did that. Twice."

Brandi laughed. "Lucky, lucky girl."

"Uh huh," Tawny replied, her body tingling all over.

Lukas frowned and Brandi patted him on the shoulder.

"You're hot, Tawny," he grinned. "You could get plenty of guys or girls to, uh, give you some physical affection without the pressure of a relationship."

_They stumbled at the top of the stairs. Tawny laughed, but Ren didn't stop for a second. One hand was entangled in Tawny's hair, cradling the back of her head, the other was running along the side of her thigh. _

_After several minutes there, Tawny propped herself up on both elbows. "My room…" Ren cut her off with a kiss, and then moved down her neck. "It's right there…"_

_Ren unbuttoned her shirt, and Tawny pulled her own over her head. They moved closer Tawny's room…_

Tawny gasped, grabbing hold of Brandi by the wrist. She dragged the other girl down the hall, to a janitor's closet, and shut the door. Leaving Lukas alone outside, feeling very left out.

Inside, Tawny grabbed Brandi's face in her hands and kissed her.

"Wait," Brandi said, breaking the kiss and pulling back. "What are you… you're getting all hot and bothered and worked up thinking about Ren and you think I'm just going to…"

"Friends with benefits, you said yourself we'd work well for that, now shut up," Tawny commanded.

"Ok," Brandi shrugged.

* * *

"I mean, it was his first time," Ruby said, sitting down next to Ren on the couch in the Journalism room. "He'll probably get better, right? Of course he will."

Ren didn't respond. She was sitting on the couch, her lunch untouched on a desk she'd pulled over to her. Her leg was ticking and she was fidgeting with her hands.

"Anyway, how was _your_ weekend?" Ruby asked, taking note of her friend's unusual behavior. "Anything exciting?"

"Have you seen Tawny at all today?" she asked, not making eye-contact with her Ruby.

"Tawny? No. Why?" the blonde asked, then went wide-eyed. "Oh my God, are you going to ask her out?"

"Ruby!" Ren angrily shushed her friend.

"There's no one else in the room, Ren," Ruby replied, rolling her eyes. "You're the only one that ever comes in to do work during lunch. I wouldn't even be here if I didn't have such big news."

"Right, you and my little brother—I still don't get why you think I'd want to hear about that," Ren replied, though she couldn't help but smirk at Ruby's obvious discontent with Louis'…performance.

"_Anyway_," Ruby repeated, noticing the smirk and knowing why it was there. "What do you want Tawny for?"

"I need to talk with her about something," Ren answered, clearly having no intention of elaborating.

As if Ruby Mendel would have that. "Out with it, come on. I'm your best friend, if you can't tell me, who can you tell?"

Ren hesitated. Ruby was right though. "Um, well, we…Tawny and I… we slept together. On Saturday."

"WHAT?!" Ruby gasped, jumping up from the couch. "ARE YOU SERIOUS?"

"Yes, calm down, quiet down," Ren whispered hoarsely, gesturing for Ruby to sit down again.

"Well, what does that mean? Are you guys like…together now?"

"No, I don't know, I don't think so…" Ren sighed.

She'd kissed Tawny…and Tawny had kissed her back. And Tawny had invited her in.

_Standing outside Tawny's door, just behind the younger girl, whose hair smelled of vanilla…and then inside… her heart was racing the whole time… she couldn't control herself… and up the stairs…by the time they made it to Tawny's bed Tawny was completely undressed, and Ren was very nearly so… it all happened so fast… _

_And afterwards they had both just…just lay there, in the dark, inhaling, exhaling, inhaling, exhaling…until the rhythms of sleep took hold. And Ren woke up early the next morning: Tawny's clock read 4:15._

_She didn't know what to do, was shocked at what she'd done. She rose and gathered most of her clothes, dressing herself. Then she returned to the bed._

_And she stayed there, just watching Tawny sleep for awhile. It was nice and quiet, peaceful…only the faint sound of Tawny breathing in and out…_

_The sudden slam of a door broke the near silence._

_Startled she quickly rolled out of bed and hurried to see who it was…poking her head out of Tawny's bedroom, she saw Roger Dean rubbing his eyes at the bottom of the stairs. He moved out of sight. _

_She slipped back into the room and pulled the comforter up to Tawny's chin, lest her father check in on her._

_Briefly considering leavening a note, and not sure why she decided not to, Ren hurried out of the room and down the stairs. She grabbed her coat and quietly closed the front door behind her._

_When she got home, she found Louis and Ruby, asleep and naked in his bed. Ren's stomach turned a little and she stepped into the room, twisting the lock on her brother's door and shutting it—he was damn lucky both parents were away that night—but Eileen would be back that morning._

The lunch bell rang and snapped her out of her revelry.

"I don't do this, Ruby," Ren shook her head. "I don't… I don't even know Tawny all that well. It just… it happened."

Students began to trickle in to the class room.

* * *

Lukas pounded on the door to the janitor's closet, and finally it opened. Brandi grabbed him and jerked him inside.

"Did you two just…"

Tawny was buttoning her shirt.

"Yes," Brandi nodded. "Tawny used me for sex."

Tawny laughed uncomfortably.

"Well, I am glad to be of service, Tawny, I love to help," Brandi said. "But if you're fantasizing that I'm Ren…"

"No, I…well…" Tawny tried, but gave up, deciding there was no use in lying.

"Exactly," Brandi smiled. "You need to talk to Ren. This is the period you have with her anyway, right?"

"Yeah," Tawny replied nervously.

"Hey, you're an actor," Lukas said, noting her discomfort. "So just fake confidence."

Tawny half-laughed and opened the door, letting light into the dark, cramped space—Journalism was right across the way.

Brandi and Lukas both headed off down the hall toward photo, and Tawny entered her class.

She glanced around upon entering, but Ren was no where to be seen. She sighed and took a seat.

In Mr. Zimmer's office, Ren was sitting on the floor beneath the windows that looked out into the classroom.

"We're supposed to check attendance off in this program, right? Why don't we just say everyone is here? Zimmer will never know," Ruby asked as she double-clicked a file marked attendance on the teacher's computer—he was out sick for the day and the sub had failed to show up, but that was fine since Ren Stevens was in the class and she would keep things in check. Ruby looked down at her friend. "What are you doing?"

"Tawny just walked in," Ren replied.

Ruby laughed. "You have to go talk to her then, Ren."

"I don't know what to say," Ren stammered.

Ruby got up and stepped over by her friend, reaching down and grabbing Ren's wrists she hoisted her to her feet and shoved her out of the office.

Ren's eyes met Tawny's immediately.

After a few moments of silence, Ruby called across the room. "Tawny, Ren needs to have a word with you… outside."

A few people's heads turned at the news, out of mild curiosity, but no one really cared.

Tawny got to her feet and headed toward the door, Ren doing likewise after shooting a nasty glare at Ruby.

Outside, Ren and Tawny were the only ones in the hallway.

"Yeah?" Tawny asked, casually, arms crossed.

"Oh, I…um," Ren struggled, nervously scratching the back of her neck. "About…about the other night…"

Tawny nodded, but didn't say anything. She wanted to hear Ren's side first.

"I just… I don't usually do that," Ren began, hands clasped. "I mean, I've done the one-night-stand thing before… but… I don't… it's not. You wanted to do…_that_…right? I didn't… you didn't feel forced into it by me or anything, did you?"

"No, not at all," Tawny reassured.

"Oh," Ren exhaled with relief. "Good. That's good."

"Yeah," Tawny nodded. "But I…I'm not looking for a…you know, for a relationship or anything…with you…or anyone. Not just not you, not anyone. In general, I'm not… I can't do that right now. And we… we wouldn't work anyway. So, I hope you weren't expecting…"

"No, no," Ren interrupted her. "Of course not. I wasn't. I just… it happened. And I didn't…didn't know what to make of it really. And why exactly would _we_ specifically not work?"

"We just…wouldn't," Tawny said, not offering any other explanation.

"You're probably right, we don't get along at all—usually," Ren nodded, not sure whether she was disappointed or not, too anxious to comprehend her other emotions.

"Yeah," Tawny nodded. "It was pretty amazing, though."

"Yeah," Ren agreed. "It really was."

"Maybe we could do it again sometime?" Tawny asked, laughing, unsure of why she said it.

Ren was clearly confused by the statement, but nevertheless replied: "Maybe."

A few awkward seconds of silence passed, the two girls staring intently at one another. Memories of sweet lips, smooth skin, and soft hair flickered through their minds like a movie.

Tawny grabbed Ren by the wrist then and dragged her across the hall into the janitor's closet, quickly shutting the door behind them. She pulled Ren's face down to hers and kissed her passionately.

Ren did not resist.


	14. Let Down

**A/N: **Sorry for the wait, I had a bit of writer's block. A few issues needed to be worked through. This chapter isn't great, mostly filler… set up for future things and such. It's quite a bit shorter than my latest chapters have been too. The next one will be better—or at least the one after that will be better. Hopefully, anyway. Ok… on to the fic!

**Chapter Fourteen: Let Down**

"Where's my bra?" Tawny breathed, still catching her breath.

"I don't know," Ren replied, buttoning her own shirt. "It was black and it's dark in here."

"Then how do you know it was black?"

"Because it's yours," Ren bent down and searched the floor. "Here it is." She tossed it back to the younger girl. "So… what…I mean, we said we wouldn't…"

"I know," Tawny interrupted her, though she wasn't quite sure what else she wanted to say. "I still don't want a relationship."

Ren nodded in the darkness, glad that it hid her disappointment. "So what was this?"

The door handle shook suddenly, startling both of them, before Tawny answered.

"Who's in there? I thought the other janitor's closet was the popular one…" they heard Louis' voice outside.

They heard Ruby respond, but her words weren't clear.

"I don't want to have to explain this to him," Tawny said, turning to Ren. "Not right now."

"Yeah," she nodded. "Me neither."

Tawny pulled her shirt on and ran her fingers through her hair in an effort to make it less obvious what she'd been up to.

Ren twisted the door knob.

Tawny stood on her tip-toes behind Ren, so that her lips were right by the older girl's ear. "I don't see why we need to be in a relationship to enjoy each other."

Louis pushed in on the door and was shocked to meet his big sister, the school's notorious good girl.

"Ren? Who are you in here with?" Louis grinned, glancing behind his visibly shaken sister. His jaw dropped. "Tawny?"

"Relax, Louis," Ren said, trying to do the same herself. "We were just talking."

"Sure you were," Ruby giggled.

Ren glared at her.

"We were," Tawny repeated.

"Well, I have to get to class," Ren said, pushing past Ruby and hurrying into Journalism to get her things.

Tawny did the same.

Louis and Ruby watched them skeptically, but only for a moment. He grabbed her and enthusiastically pulled her into the janitor's closet.

Tawny grabbed her bag and turned to hurry back out of the classroom.

"We need to talk later," Ren called to her from behind.

"Yeah," Tawny nodded, quickly leaving the room.

Ren sat down on a table in the middle of the empty classroom. She was completely confused. _I should've controlled myself on Saturday, then I wouldn't be in this mess_. She got to her feet and made her way out of the classroom. _I lost control._

* * *

Tawny opted to skip 7th period, hovering outside of Brandi's class and signaling the girl to join her. The two of them found an empty stairwell and sat down on the bottom steps.

"So, did you talk with Ren?" Brandi inquired.

"Yes, and I explained that I didn't want a relationship or anything," Tawny said. "And she agreed. She did sound… maybe disappointed though."

"And?" Brandi asked, sensing there was more to the story.

"And then we had sex again."

"What?"

"I just…I _want_ her, Brandi. I _really_ do," Tawny explained, clearly frustrated with herself. "But I cannot handle a relationship right now."

"Right, you want Ren to just have sex with you whenever, no strings attached," Brandi clarified. "Good luck with that."

"I think I might be able to convince her," Tawny replied, though her voice betrayed her lack of confidence.

"Won't it be a relationship anyway? I mean, you'll only be sleeping with her, right? Or are you planning on simply making her part of your harem?"

"She won't be the only one," Tawny shook her head. "Then it might as well be a relationship. It can't be exclusive. She'll get attached."

"Like you already are. Ren is obviously good enough, I don't know why she wouldn't be enough for you," Brandi said.

"She would be, she is, but… if I am exclusive with her then that's a relationship—I don't want a relationship. I just want someone to…"

"Fuck?"

"Brandi!"

"What? It's true."

Tawny sighed.

Brandi put a hand on her shoulder. "You aren't making any sense, Tawny. Your whole plan is ridiculous."

"No, it's just…"

"You want to sleep with a ton of people and want Ren to just be one among them, except you like her… a lot. Which means you're going to set her apart anyway."

"Not a ton of people," Tawny corrected. "Just… a fun sample."

"But you _want_ Ren, not anyone else! And you could probably have her! You're making this whole thing complicated for no reason!"

Tawny just shook her head. "You just don't get it."

"Oh, don't get all emo and 'no one understand me'," Brandi scoffed.

Tawny glared at her and got up. "Well, _you_ don't."

* * *

A frazzled Ren had forced her best friend into her car so they could talk, at the risk of barging in on her and Louis in the act, and, even more stunning, at the risk of skipping 7th period: something Ren Stevens never did.

"She said she doesn't want a relationship, but then we… well, she says 'I don't se why we need to be in a relationship to enjoy each other'. What does that even mean?"

Ruby couldn't help but smile at her flustered friend. "It means she wants you, Ren. She just doesn't want a girlfriend."

"Well, how does that work?"

"It means you guys can have sex, but just be friends. I say go for it. Best thing to happen to you in awhile."

"What? How is that good?" Ren asked, truly perplexed. "How many other people does she have that arrangement with?"

"And you thought Tawny wasn't a whore," Ruby chuckled.

Ren frowned, slouching in the driver's seat. "I did. I don't know why I thought that."

"Well, I have a piece of news that might make your day a little better—though sex in the janitor's closet should've given your spirits a lift," Ruby said as she eyed a sulky-looking Charlotte leaving the school.

"What?" Ren asked.

"Yvette dumped Charlotte," the blonde replied with a grin.

"Oh," Ren muttered, she'd been hoping for something more.

"Ren, you've done single, you've done relationships, you've done one-night-stands—not enough, but you've done it—try this. Friends with benefits could be fun. At the very least, it's like being single but with an outlet for sexual frustration."

"I don't want to sleep with a bunch of people," Ren replied.

"So, don't," Ruby shrugged. "Tawny might, that doesn't mean you have to."

"If I sleep with Tawny and she's been whoring around, then I might as well be sleeping with a bunch of people."

"I'm sure Tawny will get checked regularly if you ask her too, if she doesn't already. She strikes me as the type that would though."

"Like she struck me as the type who'd be above this?" Ren asked.

"Good point," Ruby nodded. "Are you going to give it a try? You can always stop if it doesn't work for you, Ren."

"I don't know."

* * *

Ren took several deep breaths before approaching Tawny at her locker that day, after the 7th period bell rang. Slowly she made her way over to the blue-eyed girl.

"Hey," Tawny greeted her with a half-smile.

"Hey," Ren replied. "I wanted to talk with you."

Tawny nodded.

Ren hesitated, nervously fidgeting with her hands. "I don't… um… what you said before Louis and Ruby came in…earlier…in the closet…remember?"

"I remember," Tawny nodded.

"Right," Ren said, waiting for Tawny to explain. When the younger girl didn't speak, she continued on. "I just… it seemed like you were…I mean, you…enjoyed yourself…with me. Both times. And you said…you said you didn't want anything…with me…but you still…but you said we don't need to be in a relationship… why are you making me explain all of this? You already know."

"I didn't make you do anything, you just kept talking," Tawny grinned.

"Well?" Ren pressed, annoyed with Tawny.

"Well, what?" Tawny asked. "I think what I said is pretty self-explanatory. If you show up in my bedroom, I won't turn you away."

She turned to leave, but was stopped by Ren's hand suddenly gripping her elbow. "Why would you do that?"

"Why not?"

"Tawny!"

"I'm not going to have a better answer for you, Ren," she shrugged. "Because I think it's… we're… it's good. With us, I mean. We're good together. Like that. Not in a relationship, we'd tear each other apart. But we're good together physically. So, why let that go to waste?"

Ren sighed. She'd been hoping Ruby's interpretation had been wrong.

"What?" Tawny asked, a little startled by the upsetting look on Ren's face.

She shook her head. "That…that's just… it's not me. I don't do that sort of thing."

"Have you ever tried it?" Tawny asked.

"No," Ren replied. "But I don't need to. I know who I am. And that's not me."

She turned and walked away, leaving Tawny by the locker, angry and all the more interested.


	15. Double Bind

**A/N:** You people were doing so great at reviewing… what happened? You all vanished. Did something big go down this weekend? Or is it just that I didn't update as soon as I usually do and so you all thought I gave up and wandered off to do the few things in life that are more important than reading _Even Stevens_ fanfiction? Well, come back! In any case, the required 3 was still met and so here is your update, my faithful readers. Hope you enjoy! And if I don't update before then: Happy Valentine's Day!

**Chapter Fifteen: Double Bind**

"You know, I don't think Tawny is going to put up with your little game for long, Ren," Ruby announced as she entered the empty Journalism room, a slice of pizza and a bottle of Dr Pepper in hand—not a lunch her friend would approve of.

Ren smiled and shook her head, nibbling away at a chicken salad.

Ruby plopped down beside her on the couch. "Seriously, she's been coming on to you every day for the past two weeks—ever since you guys did the nasty nasty in the janitor's closet."

Ren rolled her eyes, but still made no comments.

"Hey, I've been good about not bringing this up every single day," Ruby continued. "So the least you could do is actually talk the couple times that I do."

Ren sighed. "I've nothing to say, Ruby."

"Liar," Ruby shook her head. "What are you planning on doing with Tawny? Are just trying to, you know, like, cement her interest?"

"No, if Tawny wants me, then she can have me—but it has to be only me. That's it. That's all I'm doing. I know you think her proposed arrangement is great but… it's not. It'll just make things bad. It might be ok for a little bit, but in time things will just get bad. I know it."

"How do you know that? You've never tried it, Ren," Ruby countered.

"I just know… with Tawny… with whatever issues she's having that are making her act like this in the first place… things aren't ok with her and I'm not going to help feed that."

"Whatever," Ruby sighed, upset with resignation. "Let's talk about my problems then."

"If this is more about you and Louis doing the nasty nasty, I don't want to hear it."

"You are my best friend, so it's your job to hear it," Ruby scoffed. "He really sucks, Ren. Like, majorly. But I really like him. What do I do?"

Ren couldn't help but laugh. "You know, Louis would be mortified if he knew you were telling me this. I mean, any guy would hate to know this talk ever took place with regard to him, but with his sister?"

Ruby shrugged. "He knows you're my best friend."

"Does he realize how much girls talk?"

"Probably not," Ruby giggled. "But anyway, HELP!"

"I don't know, Ruby, what exactly is the problem?"

Ruby shrugged. "It's just… too fast, for one. And he… he really doesn't seem to know where everything is…you know?"

Ren nodded, struggling not to burst out laughing.

The blonde glared at her, crossing her arms in annoyance.

"Sorry, sorry," Ren said. "Well, you don't want to just tell him it's bad because that'll kill his confidence and make matters worse. So, um, tell him what things he does that you really like—so he'll concentrate on doing those more, and not doing the other things. As far as speed goes… he's a 16 year-old boy, Ruby. You've had better guys, but they're more experienced. Louis was a virgin, right? I mean, if he never had sex with Tawny, I'm sure he didn't with any other girl. So these are his first times. It'll get better. Be patient."

Ruby nodded. "I guess. It's just hard."

"Yeah, well, what can you do?"

"Yeah," Ruby agreed. "So, is it at least hard for you too?"

Ren looked over at Ruby, not quite sure what she meant. "Hard for me to…perform?"

"No!" Ruby snapped with a laugh. "The thing with Tawny. Is it hard for you to say no to her? I mean, she's hot. And she's smart, which I know is a big thing for you—even though Charlotte was hardly Einstein."

Ren glared at her, then sighed. "Kind of. I'm definitely tempted to go along with her whole plan… since, like you said, as far as immediate rewards are concerned, I'd be getting some good stuff. But, I think long-term, Ruby. That's who I am. I make plans. And Tawny has plans too. They don't fit with mine."

* * *

"None of this is working," Tawny shook her head, angrily venting to Brandi and Lukas in the same stairwell she'd talked to Brandi in two weeks prior. "I can't…I want to be happy. And I need Ren to be with me if I'm going to be happy. But I don't want a relationship with her, that won't make me happy. Relationships never work out. I mean, sometimes they do, but more often than not, they don't. And I don't want to have something with Ren and then just have it end. And that's what will happen. And she's just… she rejected me." 

Brandi and Lukas both looked at each other, confused and worried about their new friend.

"Look, Tawn," Lukas said. "I know you said you hooked up with a couple other people these last couple weeks, and you had fun, and you said it was good and all that, but if you want Ren, if you really think you need her specifically to be happy, then you need to cut the other people and be exclusive with Ren. If she's the one you want, and the one you think you need, and is the one you can have so long as she's the only one—then you should be with her, and just her."

"I don't want a relationship, and if I'm with just her it will become just that," Tawny contended, clearly irritated he'd brought up the proposition again. It was the same argument both of them had made every time she'd talked with them.

"Why not? Why are you so opposed to a relationship? That's what I want to know," Brandi interrupted. "You aren't making any sense. What are you getting by being with multiple people that you wouldn't get if you were just with Ren?"

Tawny frowned. "I'm never going to be able to explain this to your satisfaction, am I?"

"You said you can't be bothered with someone else's happiness when you can't manage your own," Brandi recapped. "Well, I think Ren could make you happy. I don't think being with the other people makes you happy—it's just what you're doing to insure that you and Ren don't become an official couple. Which is something you have no reason to guard against!"

Tawny crossed her arms, but refrained from retaliating. _They just don't get it. _

"You don't want a relationship with Ren, but even if you make her just one of many, you obviously favor her. You set her apart. So, it'll be something more whether you want it to be or not. You don't do this with people you actually _like_ like, Tawny," Brandi explained, trying her best to hide her annoyance. "If you don't want a relationship with Ren, then don't include her in this mess of yours. Just don't. It's Ren or everybody else, Tawny. There's no compromise there. She's rejected you daily for two weeks—take the hint."

Only more angered and fed-up then she'd been at the start of the conversation, Tawny left Brandi and Lukas alone in the stairwell in a huff. _I have to include, Ren. There's no compromise there._

"She's gone nuts," Lukas mumbled, looking over to Brandi.

"Seriously," Brandi agreed. "I'm getting worried. She's way too obsessed with Ren."

* * *

"Dude, you have no idea how good I am," Louis bragged. "I'm a natural." 

"Sweet, man," Twitty nodded, though he was getting tired of Louis' constant boasting. But that was Louis, and Twitty had put up with it for years. He was more than used to it.

Tawny sat down across from them at the lunch table, brow furrowed, and violently threw her sack lunch down in front of her.

"Someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?" Twitty asked.

"Again?" Louis questioned, turning to face her.

She didn't reply, angrily biting into her peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

"I thought you'd finally let loose and hooked up with some people?" Twitty inquired.

"I did, that's fine, that's not the problem," Tawny quipped.

"What is?" Louis pressed.

"Nothing," she grumbled.

"Ok," Louis conceded, turning back to Twitty. "So, dude, you said you could snag us some invites to Meghan Henderson's party next weekend?"

"Oh, right," Twitty nodded. "Yeah, I got us all invites—and you can bring a date. Though Ruby is probably already invited. But you can bring someone Tawny."

"Sweet, man," Louis high-fived him. "How did you swing that?"

Twitty grinned slyly. "I, uh, _paid_ her in the janitor's closet again."

"Nice!" Louis beamed.

"She's the same girl you lost it to, right?" Tawny asked, wondering how the whoring around was working so well for Twitty and not for her.

"Yep, she's the woman that made me a man," Twitty stated proudly.

"It's next Saturday, right?"

"Yes," Twitty nodded.

Tawny glanced at the clock: ten minutes left of lunch. Ten minutes until Journalism was full of people and Ren was busy with work. She pushed herself up from her place beside Louis, left her lunch, and hurried away without saying goodbye to either of the boys.

Louis looked at Twitty and shrugged. He grabbed the remains of Tawny's sandwich and finshed it off. "She's been really weird lately."

"No kidding," Twitty agreed.

* * *

Tawny pulled open the door to Journalism to find Ren and Ruby sitting on the couch in the corner of the room with Charlotte towering over them. 

"I'm just saying, Ren, that I made a mistake. And I'm sorry. But I _do_ love you."

_Great timing you cheating whore,_ Tawny thought. _What did Ren even see in her?_

"Tawny!" Ruby announced, jumping up from the couch. "Well, this should be interesting. I'm going to leave though. Be back in a few!"

With that Ruby slipped past Tawny and out the door.

Charlotte turned around and glared viciously at her. She must've heard of Tawny's tryst with Ren—in fact, Ruby had probably told her, just to rub salt in the wound. Ruby had never liked Charlotte much.

Dropping down on the couch in the place where Ruby had been, Charlotte put her hand on the side of Ren's face. "We were good together, remember?"

Tawny clenched her fists, her blood simmering beneath the surface of her skin.

And Ren could tell. A sly smile crept onto her lips as she watched Tawny reacting to Charlotte touching Ren. _But you don't seem to get that's how I feel about other people touching you._

Students began to trickle into the classroom and the lunch bell rang.

Ren turned her gaze back to Charlotte and gently pushed the girl's hand away from the side of her face. "No."

"But--" Charlotte began to protest, but Ren didn't stay and listen. She got to her feet, abandoning Charlotte on the couch, and made her way across the room to Tawny.

"You came in early, you need something?" Ren asked as she came to a stop, less than a foot in front of Tawny.

Tawny unclenched her fist, and her jaw, but didn't reply.

"The same thing as yesterday? And the day before? And all of last week?" Ren inquired.

"You need to give me a chance," Tawny said, half-smiling at the older girl.

Ren grinned. _Damn, this is hard_. "I'd love to give you a chance, Tawny, if you'd give me one."

"Ren--" she protested.

"I have no desire to be part of your harem," Ren cut her off.

"But--"

"Sorry, sugar," Ren smirked, quickly turning and abandoning Tawny just as she had Charlotte.


	16. Hysteria

**A/N:** So, this chapter title is taken from the song of the same name by the band Muse. Not that it needs to be since it's not like they have a copyright on the word or anything. But that song, particularly the choruses, go with the mood of this chapter, particularly at the ending scene, in my humble opinion. So if you happen to have it, give it a listen before reading. Perhaps it will enhance the experience?

**Chapter 16: Hysteria**

Ren and Louis found it particularly awkward to be hanging out with one another at a party, but now that Ruby served as a social bond between them, it seemed unavoidable.

Louis and Ruby dating had some perks for Ren though. For instance, Louis played a lot less pranks on Ren—publicly, anyway. At home she could still expect to find plastic spiders on her pillow at least once a week, and ever so often one of her bras suspiciously made its way to the freezer. But no more public humiliation. She wondered if Ruby had said something to him, or if he had simply wised up on account of her being Ren's best friend.

Still, the hanging out in such a way at a social gathering of this sort was odd for both of them. It was as if they didn't know how to act around each other—obviously they wouldn't behave as they did at home, so how should they?

Ren was inclined to wander off and mingle with other people, find a girl to dance with maybe—since she doubted Louis would leave Ruby's side and watching them fondle each other was more than she cared to watch. She couldn't help but wonder if Tawny would show up, and if so, should she try getting a dance or two with her… would that lead Tawny on? Was Tawny even interested anymore? Had she found someone else in her sexual sample? Why did Ren even care?

Because Tawny was different from so many other girls. She was beautiful and smart and funny—when she wasn't being ridiculously emo, anyway. She had the beauty and the brains, and the fact is, that sent Ren over the top.

But Ren was a good girl. And she had no qualms with being a good girl. And Tawny was proving to be more the bad girl than Ren had assumed she was, though she wasn't sincerely wicked. And what Tawny wanted from Ren…just wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be good.

Ren sighed and took a sip of the punch. She turned away from Louis and Ruby and scanned the familiar scene: a mob of bodies grinding up against each other on the dance floor, more people flooding it at the door. The house was quickly filling up and becoming unbearably warm.

She made her way over to some windows and opened them to allow for some air circulation: another hour and it would smell like the boys locker room with all the dancing going on, although it would be a distinguished odor with the thick mask of cologne and perfume battling the natural scents.

Ruby always goaded into going to every single on of these parties. They were all the same to her. She didn't mind going once in awhile, but Ruby acted like every one was the most important thing ever. And they never were. Not to Ren anyway. She'd lost interested in parties about half-way through freshman year, when she realized they were virtually all the same. She hadn't even bothered to dress up for this one—it wasn't specifically formal, though many people dressed up for it anyway. Likewise, plenty were in nothing more than jeans and t-shirts. Ren was wearing faded, tight-fitting jeans and a spaghetti-strap tank top, figuring it would be most comfortable amidst the near lethal combination of the May heat and one-hundred and fifty bodies crammed primarily into two rooms.

Ren took a seat in the window sill, and continued observing the masses in search of someone to dance with, someone to pass the time with.

She took another sip of her punch and her gaze drifted over to the entry way.

Larry Beale was there, with Allison, an old girlfriend of Twitty's, on his arm. He appeared to be bragging about himself to the girl, who looked painfully bored. Ren would've laughed at him, except she was well-aware by now that her own ego could usually be viewed from afar as well.

The door opened and she found her vision pulled from Larry as if by magnet: Tawny had entered. She was dressed in a long-sleeved black dress. Ren shook her head, half-smiling: Leave it up to Tawny to wear long sleeves in May, and black, no less. The dress hugged her tempting figure wonderfully. Every move that she made was tantalizingly hypnotic and Ren had to use all of her energy to tear her gaze from the blue-eyed beauty.

Her eyes moved left of Tawny, to the person she had entered with. Ren's heart leapt up into her throat. _Oh, you know how to play this game, Dean._

Ren's eyes started on the white high-heels, up to the floral print of the dress, and moved further upward to the girl's blonde locks.

Tawny had come with none other than Yvette.

* * *

"You need a new drink?" Louis asked, pointing to Ruby's empty cup. It was her sixth empty glass and she was quite the lightweight, so she surely didn't _need_ a new cup. But she wanted one. 

"Oh, yeah, thanks," she smiled, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before he left.

"Hey, Ruby," an already-drunk Twitty greeted her.

"Hey, Twitty," she nodded back.

Tawny and Yvette joined them and exchanged greetings as well, though Yvette quickly disappeared to get drinks as Louis had.

"So, I hear Louis is quite the natural?" Tawny asked Ruby, leaning up against the bar.

"Oh, ha, is that what he says?" Ruby laughed, then quickly glanced around t make sure her curly-headed boy wasn't within ear-shot. "He's got a few things to learn. He's not awful or anything though."

Tawny raised an eyebrow and smirked. _So like Louis to be so into himself he doesn't even realize where the other person stands._

Twitty couldn't help but laugh, but was quickly silenced by a swift glare from the blonde. "Tell him I said that and I will cut off the family jewels, Alan."

"Ooh, no more whoring around for you then," Tawny grinned.

"Yeah, but you'd also be punishing tons of innocent girls who could have the time of their lives with my family jewels," Twitty replied. "You wouldn't want to do that now, would you?"

Tawny laughed. "You certainly think very highly of yourself, Twitty."

"Yeah," Ruby agreed.

"So," Tawny looked at Ruby. "Is Ren here?"

"Yeah, she's over there," Ruby gestured toward the windows.

Tawny's gaze landed on Ren, relaxed and seeming rather bored over in the window.

She turned and wandered off to meet Yvette half-way back from the punchbowl. She was eager to get out on the dance floor tonight, eager to torment Ren.

"So, I've heard you _are_ very impressive," Ruby said, leaning on the counter toward Twitty.

Twitty laughed drunkenly with pride. "What exactly have you heard?"

"Well, that you're rather generously endowed, for one."

"Haha, I'll show you mine if you show me yours?" he offered casually.

Ruby smiled and glanced over her shoulder. Louis had gotten caught up talking with someone. She looked back at Twitty and nodded.

The two of them hurried off down an adjacent hallway in search of a more private location.

* * *

Ren had unknowingly crushed her empty plastic cup in her hand as she watched Tawny and Yvette grinding against each other the blonde girl's hands running all over Tawny's alluring body. 

Though she'd been exquisitely discreet about it, Tawny was well-aware that Ren's attention was fixed on her. And she was basking in it.

"Hey, Ren," Brandi approached her at her space in the window. Ren didn't respond to her, but when she followed the girl's gaze to Tawny on the dance floor, she understood. "Ah, she's a dirty player, isn't she?"

"Really," Ren mumbled, then turning to Brandi; only wondering for a moment how Brandi Arthur knew anything was going on between her and Tawny. "You want to dance?"

"What?" Brandi was taken aback by the invitation, but thrilled at the same time—especially if it held the prospect of another night with Ren, which, for some reason, she felt it did given the circumstance. Jealousy made you do crazy things, after all.

"Would you like to dance with me?" Ren asked again, getting to her feet.

Brandi hesitated, not wanting to get in the middle of Tawny's twisted games, but at the same time liking the idea of ticking off the crazy, obsessed girl. "Sure."

The two of them moved to the floor, near Tawny and Yvette.

Tawny threw a cold glare at Ren, and an even icier one at Brandi, before planting a firm kiss on a happily surprised Yvette's cherry-flavored lips.

Ren responded in kind, taking Brandi pleasantly off-guard yet again.

Tawny's icy gaze shifted from Ren to Yvette, where it was forced to soften. "Let's find somewhere more private." She made sure Ren and Brandi could hear her.

"Ok," Yvette replied excitedly.

Ren continued dancing with Brandi for a few seconds as Tawny and Yvette made their way off the dance floor, but ultimately, she couldn't ignore Tawny's successfully provocative actions.

Brandi was already well aware of that, so she stepped back and gestured for Ren to go.

Ren hurried after Tawny, coming up behind her fast and grabbing her by the arm. She dragged her down an adjacent hallway before Yvette even realized Tawny wasn't beside her anymore.

"What the hell are you doing?" Tawny barked, though she was happy to have received such a reaction.

"What are _you_ doing?" Ren snapped back.

"I was having fun," Tawny retorted.

"With _Yvette_?" Ren asked, lacing the name with contempt.

"Yes," Tawny replied, a devilish grin spreading across her face. "That a problem?"

"I know you have no interest in her," Ren replied. "It's just mean to be using someone who's too dumb to know any better."

"Oh, so Brandi is fair game?"

"What's the problem with her?"

"She's one of my friends," Tawny answered, crossing her arms defensively.

"One of your _friends_?" Ren asked, seeking clarification.

"Maybe," Tawny grinned. "She has been, yes."

Ren inhaled angrily, glaring at the younger girl. She parted her lips to speak but was interrupted by the opening of a door.

Ruby and Twitty suddenly stumbled out of a room a few feet away.

"Don't tell Louis," both blondes requested in unison as they drunkenly slipped in between Tawny and Ren and headed back out into the mobs of people.

"Oh my God! You're all whores!" Ren snapped. "Why? I know you're better than that, Tawny."

"You _know_ I am?" Tawny quipped. "You don't _know_ me at all, Ren."

"I know you," Ren nodded. "You think you're such a mystery. You think no one understands you. And you won't give anyone the chance to even try. I know you aren't doing this just because it's who you are. You're doing it because you're afraid of something and you're trying to hide from whatever it is by doing these reckless and stupid things. And this isn't going to help you, Tawny. I can promise you that."

Tawny didn't reply.

"You thought you were the only one who knew anything about psychology?" Ren asked, crossing her arms. "Thought you were the only one who could recognize behavior patterns? Desperate behavior patterns? Obvious behavior patterns?"

"Oh, because you and Brandi wasn't desperate and obvious?" Tawny retorted coldly.

Ren glared at her, her dark eyes intent and livid. "We're not the same."

"Sure, we are," Tawny countered. "You're just as desperate. Just as obviously so."

Ren grinned slyly and stepped closer to Tawny, leaning in so that her face was less than an inch from the younger girl's.

The sheer proximity of Ren's lips had Tawny's heart racing. She had only one thought on her mind now, only one word: _kiss_.

Ren parted her lips, and moved a little closer, tilting her head and taking Tawny's face in her hands.

Tawny closed her eyes.

Ren's lips came so close to her she could almost feel them on hers as the older girl whispered: "But I'm not hiding from anything."

And with that Ren stepped back and left a shell-shocked Tawny alone in the hall way.


	17. Oh What Tangled Webs We Weave

**Chapter Seventeen: Oh What Tangled Webs We Weave**

Ren marched back out into the partying mob, highly pleased with herself for resisting the urge to kiss Tawny. Coming that close, literally, had been quite the temptation—but she was strong-willed enough, she was a Stevens after all. Though she'd certainly surprised Tawny. But then, the Stevens the younger girl was used to wasn't the best example of the family's reputation.

Her pleasure with herself quickly diminished when her eyes landed on Ruby.

The blonde was hanging on Louis, clueless Louis, and gabbing away as if nothing had happened.

Ren hesitated, considering the possibility of waiting to talk to Ruby, but ultimately decided now was better. She made her way through the mess of people to their side.

"Ruby, I need to talk to you for a minute," Ren said, nearly shouting to be heard. "Alone."

Ruby looked at her wearily, knowing full well what Ren wanted to discuss.

Louis released his blonde girlfriend with a grin. "Has anyone seen Twitty? I want to ask him something…"

"No, of course not. Why would you think I've seen Twitty?" Ruby asked, the words tumbling out of her mouth at the speed of light.

"Because… he's here. And you're here," Louis replied, a little confused by her reaction. "So, you may have seen him."

"I haven't," she insisted.

Ren shook her head and grabbed Ruby by the arm, dragging her through the mob and out the front door, to the porch, where, thankfully, no one else was.

"Listen, I know what you're going to say--" Ruby instantly tried to explain.

"You slept with Twitty!" Ren snapped, her voice a harsh whisper.

"I know," Ruby nodded, gesturing for Ren to keep quiet. "I know."

"I know you know—but do you also know that you are my brother's girlfriend?" Ren glared at her. "He really likes you, Ruby. And he is trying really hard for you. And then you go and do _this_!"

"I know!" Ruby conceded. "It's just, you know, I've heard so much about Twitty and--"

"Did you hear that he is Louis' best friend, perhaps?"

"Ren," Ruby protested the taller girl's constant interjecting, though she knew everything Ren said would probably be right.

"You cheated on him! With his best friend! God, what is this? A soap opera? None of you can keep your pants on for five damn seconds! Except Louis and I, apparently."

Ruby didn't say anything, only stared at the ground while Ren continued to rant.

"Louis may be a jerk and selfish and annoying and immature… but he doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve to have someone he really likes treating him like dirt just because he hasn't been able to—satisfy you quite yet. He'll get better, Ruby. I told you to be patient, not to take a lover in the meantime! None of you make any sense! You just hop in and out of beds like it's a game. Doesn't it mean anything to any of you? At all? Sex is just… just for fun now? Forget about…everything else? Love? Does that even matter anymore?"

"You're getting too dramatic, Ren," Ruby replied, only angering her friend more.

"Shut up," Ren snapped, crossing her arms. "There's nothing wrong with not being a cheap, dirty whore like you and Twitty. And Tawny. You guys just make everything complicated and base and…"

"You're just jealous because you aren't getting any!" Ruby yelled back, her eyes burning with tears from her friend's harsh criticism.

"I don't want it if it's like this," Ren retorted, not feeling at all bad for hurting Ruby as she had.

"You aren't in love with Tawny, you weren't in love with Brandi… I don't think you were even in love with Charlotte. So you don't have any room to talk about--"

"I know that I wasn't in love with Brandi, I know that she was just a one-night thing. And I felt dirty stooping to that level—to _your_ level—but it's not like that with Tawny. I'm not in love with her, no. But…it wasn't _just_ for sex. It wasn't _just_ for a good time. And Charlotte and I were committed to each other, whether or not you think it was love is irrelevant. We were committed. It was more than just sex—for me it was, anyway," Ren looked at Ruby accusingly. "And you know that."

Ruby didn't respond. She blinked furiously, trying to hold back her tears. Eventually she gave in and wiped them away with her hands.

Ren shook her head and sighed with frustration. She turned to the door and made to enter the house again.

"Wait, Ren," Ruby grabbed her shoulder before she went in. "Please don't tell him."

"I won't," Ren grumbled. "You should."

She headed in then, shutting the door behind her, leaving Ruby alone and crying out on the porch. She wanted to find Tawny again, for some reason, though she'd felt she'd probably best served her purpose already and it would be better to leave the girl alone for the rest of the night. But she didn't want to do that. She wouldn't give in to the younger girl's tempting offer, wouldn't break under the pressure, but nor would she just let fate handle the matter.

She wasn't quite certain how she would have to play her cards with Tawny, but she had resolved to play regardless.

* * *

"Tawny?" Brandi reluctantly approached her friend in the empty hallway. "You ok?" 

She looked like she was ready to burst—with rage or sorrow or…God knows…

"Tawny?" Brandi repeated, putting her hand on her friend's shoulder.

Tawny knocked Brandi's consoling hand away forcefully, turning and glaring at the girl. "Why the hell were you dancing with Ren?"

"Because she asked me," Brandi replied. "Friends with benefits means no commitment, remember?"

"_Friends_ means not dancing with and feeling up someone that you know your friend…"

"That you know your friend what?" Brandi asked, torn between regret and anger. On the one hand, she was annoyed with Tawny's behavior, but on the other, she felt bad about doing that to her. Nevertheless, she opted to play the nasty card. "That you know your friend wants to _use_ as a personal whore?"

Before she could blink Tawny smacked Brandi hard across the face, knocking the girl into the wall, completely shocked at the stinging pain in her cheek. Angrily, Tawny marched out into the mob of people, not sure what she should do next.

The first people she found were Louis and Twitty.

"So, find any girl's to screw yet, O Master of the Ladies?" Louis asked his player friend with a happy pat on the back.

"Uh, n-no, not yet, why would you think I already found someone?" Twitty stammered.

"Because you are the Master," Louis laughed.

Tawny crossed her arms and smirked and she stopped behind Louis, interested in hearing what Twitty had to say.

"Oh, right," Twitty nodded, his voice shaky. "_That_."

"What's up, man?" Louis asked, confused by Twitty's extremely odd behavior.

"Nothing's up, dude," Twitty insisted, running a hand through his blond hair. "Nothing at all. Not a thing."

Louis looked at him quizzically.

Twitty smiled uncomfortably and glanced at Tawny. She shook her head with disappointment. Maybe they _were_ both whores, but at least she wasn't whoring with her friends' girls.

"Hey," Tawny broke the awkward silence between the boys, stepping into Louis' field of vision. She moved closer to the counter and served herself some punch.

"Hey, how are you doing? Find a hot guy or girl to hook up with?"

"Yes, she just won't hook up with me," Tawny scoffed.

"Seriously? You? Who would say no to you?" Louis asked. "Well, I would now that I have a new girl."

Tawny smiled and lifted her cup to her lips, her gaze shifting from Louis to Twitty as she sipped her punch, Twitty looked sick to his stomach.

"Where is Ruby?" Louis asked then, glancing around the room. "She went to talk with Ren like 20 minutes ago. Why do girls always take such a long time?"

Twitty and Tawny both shrugged, and simultaneously separated, both leaving Louis and wandering off to find other things to do, or other people to do.

Ruby joined Louis again a few seconds later, having washed her face and redid her makeup in an effort to hide her puffy, red eyes.

It worked, as he didn't notice a difference at all, simply greeting her with a kiss and pulling her out behind him onto the dance floor.

Tawny weaved her way in and out of the mangles net of people. Debating whether or not she should just go home, or stay and find someone to hook up with for the night. Yvette was still around, no doubt. And at the very least, Tawny knew that would make Ren's blood boil.

Just then, as if on cue, a hand came down on her shoulder and turned her around.

It was Ren.

Tawny guardedly crossed her arms, not having any idea what the older girl would possibly feel the need to say to her at that point.

Ren half-smirked at Tawny's reaction. "Will you dance with me?"

"What?" Tawny couldn't hide her surprise.

"Will you dance with me?" Ren repeated, smiling a little more.

"I thought you weren't--"

"I'm not going to sleep with you, I just want to dance with you. If you say no, I'll just go find someone else. So, yes or no?"

Tawny hesitated, but, unwilling to give up hope, figured she could work this to her advantage. "Sure."

Ren took her hand then and lead her over to the dance floor and into the dense crowd of people. She turned and pulled Tawny close to her. Tawny grinned slyly and twisted around, grinding up against Ren. Ren grinned—yes, this is why she had wanted to dance with Tawny. Because Tawny would try oh so hard to seduce her. And she would enjoy every minute of it, but she would ultimately resist. She moved her hands down the younger girl's sides, to her hips.

A few minutes later the song changed.

Tawny smiled and leaned back into Ren, turning her face sideways and looking up at the taller girl. "Let's go somewhere else."

Ren smiled down at her. "No," she replied simply.

"Come on," Tawny persisted, turning around to face her.

"No," Ren repeated, shaking her head.

"Why won't you just sleep with me?" Tawny frowned.

"You have such tact," Ren smirked.

"We were good together," Tawny continued. "We were _great_ together. How can you just say no?"

"I've made my reasons very clear to you, Tawny," Ren answered, shaking her head.

Tawny bitterly looked away from Ren, her eyes falling on a familiar blonde.

"Yvette is still here," Tawny said. "And she would sleep with me."

Ren stepped back then, letting go of Tawny, her face strangely expressionless. "Go for it then."

Tawny hesitated, but kept her composure and retreated off the dance floor and joining Yvette at the side. She made sure Ren watched her lead the other girl off to a more private location.

Ren frowned and inhaled deeply. _You can't go head to head with **me** and expect to win, Dean. That's just ridiculous. Why do you have to make this so difficult for both of us? _


	18. Rise Up, Cover Up, Give Up, Split Up

**A/N:** These next two chapters are mostly set-up for the next phase of the story-- the summer phase, that is. So, they may be a little uneventful, but I hope you enjoy.

**Chapter Eighteen: Rise Up, Cover Up, Give Up, Split Up **

Tawny grabbed her book bag and headed downstairs for breakfast—it was one of the rare days where both parents were home in the morning, and not fighting.

Probably because they were too exhausted from the night before... and not exhausted in the good way.

Tawny frowned. Yvette had called several times the day before (the Sunday after the party), apparently she wasn't aware of where Tawny stood. And really wasn't taking the hint…

She shook her head, she'd clear that up in person if she needed too. If Yvette thought they'd be more than a one-night-stand, she was sorely mistaken. Not only was Tawny wholly uninterested in the bubbly blonde, but she really was awful in bed. Besides, the only one of her various sex buddies she wanted to sleep with more than once was the one who wouldn't sleep with her at all.

Neither of her parents were in the kitchen when she got there, for which she was relieved. She popped a bagel in the toaster and poured herself a glass of orange juice.

Then Joanne joined her. She smiled weakly at her daughter. "Morning, honey."

"Morning," Tawny replied. _She knows about all the sex… all the sex? I've been with 6 people, once each except Ren. That's hardly worthy of 'all the sex'… well, to Ren it is. To Twitty…or Ruby…not so much._

"So, I didn't get a chance to talk to you yesterday about something," Joanne said, taking a seat at the bar.

"Yes?" Tawny asked. She'd spent the greater part of Sunday night battling with both of her parents about whether or not she needed therapy. Tawny didn't think she did, but her mother seemed to think so, thankfully her father was in agreement that she didn't—though not really because he agreed with her so much as because he didn't want to spend the money. Not that they didn't have the money to spend. As far as Tawny was concerned, he was more embarrassed about it—he and Joanne were both shrinks, after all. They should be able to control their own kid. He wouldn't want his colleagues to know he couldn't.

Her bagel popped up. She took it and spread cream cheese over the warm bread. Moving over to take a seat at the kitchen table, she looked over at her mother. "Well, what?" she asked again.

"Well, you've been coming home awful late lately, and…well…" Joanne hesitated, took a moment to regroup. "Are you…sexually active, Tawny?"

Tawny looked at her mother, her expression blank. _Hmmm… yeah, she is on to me. Better to say yes or no?_

Before she could answer her father entered the room, and for some reason, it seemed completely unacceptable to answer that question in his presence—to both Joanne and Tawny.

"You need to get a job for the summer, show us that you're as trustworthy and self-sufficient as we always thought you were," Roger stared down at Tawny at the table. "I ran into Louis' dad the other day and he said Ren is involved in something with the school that can help students get jobs, so talk to her today, ok?"

Tawny nodded silently.

Joanne spoke up. "If you don't show us that you're ok, then we're going to have to assume you aren't, no matter what you say. And then you will be seeing a specialist."

Roger rolled his eyes.

Joanne glared at him.

Tawny nodded again, feeling quite confident that she'd never be forced to endure weekly sessions with one of her parents' friends.

After finishing one half of her bagel, Tawny got to her feet. "I'm running late."

"And, mom," she turned back to face Joanne just before slipping out of sight. "I'm taking care of myself."

She closed the front door behind her and finished the other half of her bagel on the way to school.

* * *

"I can't wait until summer," Louis sighed. "Just two more weeks."

"Yeah," Twitty nodded. "Well, I just found out that I'm going to be down in San Diego with my uncle until, like, mid-August."

"What? Dude, that's like the whole summer!" Louis exclaimed.

"I know," he agreed. "But I need to make some money and my uncle needs someone to paint for him. It's $12 an hour. I can't say no to that. My dad won't let me."

Ruby met them in the hall. "Hey, Louis! Twitty," she nodded to him.

"Hey," Louis gave her a quick peck on the cheek. "You look great."

"Thanks," she blushed.

"Yeah," Twitty agreed. "I mean, not that great though. But good. You don't look bad. I just mean, it's not like I think you're hot. I mean, I do. But not like I'd go for you or anything—because you're Louis' girl. And you two are great together and… and…I have to go."

Twitty hurried off and disappeared around a corner.

"He's been acting really weird since that party on Saturday," Louis shook his head with a laugh. "Maybe he just got some really good lovin' and hasn't been able to fathom it yet. Fathom-- did that make me sound smart? I heard Ren say it the other day."

Ruby laughed uncomfortably. "You're too cute. Well, I need to get to class."

"K, later," he kissed her again, and she headed off in the direction Twitty had went.

"Hey," she found him just around the corner, sitting on the floor, his head in his hands.

"Hey," he stood up. "This is…"

"Yeah," she nodded. "I don't think we should tell him. It's just… I mean, it's never going to happen again. And I don't want to hurt him. So, we can just put it behind us, you know?"

"Yeah," Twitty agreed. "Yeah, ok. Sounds good to me."

"Ok," Ruby nodded. "See you later, Twitty."

"Bye," he said.

"Hey," Tawny appeared next to him then.

"Oh," he turned to her, startled. "Hey."

"So, Saturday," Tawny started. "Things got a little out of hand, don't you think?"

"Yeah," he sighed. "Please don't say anything to him."

"You're not going to tell him?"

"No. It's never going to happen again. It'll just upset him. We're just going to forget it ever happened."

"Yeah," Tawny nodded, though she wasn't altogether convinced. "I guess that's for the best. I'm thinking I'm going to give up on Ren."

"Ren?" Twitty asked, turning to her. "What do you—wait—Ren? That's the girl you've been after who won't go for you all this time? Seriously? Ren Stevens?"

"Yeah," Tawny sighed. "She's not going to give in."

"So you are?" he asked, his eye brow raised.

"She's just making me miserable," Tawny shrugged. "If I just give up on her, I can get over her, get her out of my system, and be happy with other people."

He nodded. "Huh, yeah, I guess that's for the best too."

"But I need to talk to her about getting a job this summer," Tawny said. "So, I hope she doesn't try any of her…innuendos and stuff. Or this look… she has this look she does. And this way that she stands…really close to you… and stands there and gives you this look, this sort of smirk, this _really_ sexy smirk... and it makes you just…" she looked up at him, grinning broadly at her. "Never mind."

She hurried away from him.

"That's cute, Tawny," he yelled after her, laughing.

She scowled as she turned the corner, running straight into Brandi.

"Hey, Tawny," Brandi greeted her timidly.

Tawny took a deep breath. "I'm sorry for slapping you."

"And I'm sorry for dancing with Ren," Brandi replied. "I was just annoyed with the way--"

"I'm not forgiving you," Tawny cut her off. "But I shouldn't have slapped you. So I'm apologizing for it. That's all."

She pushed past her and continued down the hall to class.

She almost made it before running into not one, but two people she really didn't want to see right then: Louis and Yvette.

"Hey, Tawny," Louis greeted her. "Have you noticed anything weird about Twitty?"

"No," she shook her head uncomfortably. Dirty games she may have been playing too, but she didn't like knowing that Twitty had screwed Louis' girl. It was just wrong—too wrong even for her currently distorted moral compass.

He shrugged and moved on. "See ya!"

"Hey, Tawny," Yvette greeted her, blushing.

"H-hey, Yvette," Tawny replied, the blonde only adding to her discomfort.

"I tried to get a hold of you yesterday, but you must not have been home," Yvette said, twirling a finger in her long hair.

"Um," Tawny started, only to be interrupted.

"I was thinking maybe we could go out sometime this week," Yvette offered. "Maybe Friday?"

"Uh, I can't," Tawny replied. "I mean, I… I'm not interested, Yvette. Sorry."

"Not interested?" Yvette asked, clearly surprised. "What do you mean?"

"Saturday…was just a one-time thing," Tawny explained, feeling guilty having apparently lead the girl on.

"O-oh," Yvette stammered, very obviously ready to burst into tears. "I see."

She turned and hurried away.

"Yvette," Tawny called after her, not quite sure what she intended to say if the girl had stopped.

She sighed and headed into her class.

* * *

"So, I'm going to work at Your Toast again, I think, so you don't need to help me revise my resume," Ruby announced, taking a seat beside her friend in Journalism. "Unless you could hook me up with something better?"

"I don't revise your resumes, I make your resumes," Ren frowned as she scoured the draft paper for mistakes. "Should I put 'cheats' as one of the skills on your resume?"

"Shh!" Ruby winced, and lowered her voice.

"'Can't keep her pants on or her legs closed', then?" Ren glowered at her.

Ruby furrowed her brow in annoyance. "I know you're upset with me, but Twitty and I talked and we're just going to pretend like it never happened. So just drop it, ok?"

Ren shook her head. "Whatever."

"So," Ruby ignored that fact that her friend was livid with her and pressed on in conversation. "I saw you and Tawny dancing together at the party…"

"We just danced, that's it," Ren responded, without looking up from her paper.

"That's never it," Ruby crossed her arms.

"She slept with Yvette, dancing is all she did with me, so yeah, that's it."

"She slept with Yvette? That bitch," Ruby glared across the room at Tawny, who was immersed in reading some book.

"Yeah, some bitch slept with Twitty too," Ren snapped.

Ruby cringed and leaned forward across the table. "Listen. I know I made a mistake, I'm sorry. But are you really angry with me or with Tawny?"

"I'm angry with _you_," Ren replied. "With Tawny, I'm…"

Her voice trailed off and she gazed across the room. Tawny had come to her at the beginning of class asking for a job assignment and had said: "You win. I'll stop trying to get you to sleep with me."

And Ren had thought, but not said: _Well, then I didn't win_.

She'd moved very close to the younger girl, so that she was standing right in front of her, barely two inches between them. She tilted her head slightly to the side, half-smiling, and just said: "Ok."

Tawny stared back at hard, intent: Ren could tell how much Tawny wanted to grab her and kiss her right then and there, but wouldn't because that would mean she was really giving in. That would mean _really_ letting Ren win. And she simply couldn't do that.

Ren shook her head. "Tawny may be driving me insane, but it's not because I'm angry with her. I want her, and I have her, she just won't admit it yet. But I have her."

"What?" Ruby asked, genuinely confused.

Ren glanced across the room at Tawny. "She's mine and this summer I'm going to make sure she knows it."


	19. Last Chance to Relax

**A/N: **Sacramento Local Newspapers is a made up company, if such a place really exists it is mere coincidence. That is my disclaimer for the chapter.

**Chapter Nineteen: Last Chance to Relax**

Twitty was strolling down the street aimlessly, enjoying his last day in town before he'd leave for San Diego to spend the next eight weeks in manual labor.

He was dressed like the masses: in khaki cargo shorts and a t-shirt, doing his best to be comfortable and good-looking under the bright Californian sun.

However, someone caught his eye then who didn't make fashion allowances for the weather: Tawny.

He smiled and made his way over to the fair girl sitting at a table reading outside a local cafe. She was dressed in a black skirt with fishnet stockings and a long-sleeved, but apparently light-weight, shirt. He sat down across from her.

"Hey," she looked up at him, closing her book. "When are you heading down to San Diego?"

"Tomorrow," he replied.

"Ah," she nodded. "I start work tomorrow too. For Sacramento Local Newspapers."

"Really?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said. "I got an assignment from Ren. I should've asked for a change-- she's probably assigning me to a journalism related job just to mess with me. But I didn't want to have to talk to her again."

"Right, 'cause you're trying to get over her," Twitty said. "Get over the thing you didn't have with her."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Hey, we slept together. Twice. That's more of a thing than you've had with any of your girls."

"Wait, you did? You guys were together for a bit?"

"No, not technically," Tawny shook her head. "It just...happened, one night. And then at school, a couple days later. And that's it. It was a mistake, both times."

"Why?" he asked, grinning. "I've heard she's pretty good. I mean, her ex talks about her all the time."

"Charlotte?"

"Yeah," he nodded.

"She is pretty good...she's really good," Tawny said, unable to stop herself from fantasizing a tad, though Twitty snapped her back to reality too quickly for her liking.

"Hey!"

"Yeah, yeah, sorry," she muttered.

"So, why only twice? You seem pretty hung up on her."

"Because I don't want a relationship and she does, basically," Tawny shrugged.

"Well, if you actually like her you shouldn't have picked her for my 'friends with benefits' lifestyle, Tawny. I could've told you it wouldn't work."

"Everyone told me it wouldn't work," Tawny said, her voice rising. "I didn't listen. But it doesn't matter now anyway. Whatever we had or didn't have is over. That's it. I'm done with Ren Stevens."

"Ok, ok," Twitty nodded, gesturing for her to calm down. "Guess what?"

"What?"

"Tom's going to be back in town next week through the end of August," he replied.

Tawny smiled. "I hadn't even thought of that. I've missed him."

"Yeah, he'll be working most of the time too though, but maybe you'll see him around, hang out a little, you know."

"Hopefully," she nodded.

"Ok, well," Twitty hopped up. "I've got to be going. I was just killing time-- I need to meet Louis at the arcade."

"Later, Twitty," she said. "Have fun in San Diego."

"Have fun getting over Ren," he smiled and waved as he left her there.

She scowled. Lukas had been the same way when she told him of her decision to abandon the pursuit of Ren. He'd acted like she wasn't serious about it, like she couldn't be. It's not like her and Ren had ever had anything real... why did everyone seem to think it was so unbelieveable that she was done with Ren?

* * *

"It's like, I just made a mistake and she won't forgive me for it, at all," Ruby babbled on incessantly to a very bored Lukas-- the two were on their lunch break. "I mean, it's not fair. I know I messed up and I feel awful about it, but she's my best friend. Right? I mean, she should be more understanding." 

"Well, what did you do?" Lukas asked.

"It doesn't matter what," Ruby replied.

"Yes it does," he remarked. "Some things are less forgiveable than others."

"Whatever, you think like Ren," she sighed.

He laughed. "Well, does it have anything to do with her and Tawny and that whole mess? Because if so, I know some stuff about that and can actually offer an opinion."

"No it doesn't, but we can talk about that," Ruby said, her eyes lighting up with excitement. "Tell me everything you know."

"Um, well, I just know that Tawny isn't playing anymore, as she puts it. Which is ridiculous," he grinned. "She has it so bad for Ren it's not even funny."

Ruby laughed. "Ren seems pretty confident about that."

"Yeah, well, Tawny isn't as discreet as she thinks she is," he smiled. "Although part of me is wondering if she's trying some, you know, reverse psychology. Like maybe Ren will want her now that the offer isn't there anymore."

"I doubt it," Ruby shook her head. "Ren's got remarkable will power. I think she's just waiting for Tawny to break down and come to her."

"They're both too stubborn, but at least Ren is stubborn and right," Lukas noted. "Tawny is just stubborn and crazy."

"Hey!" Louis pulled up a chair. "I thought I'd come visit you on your break. Who's this?"

"Name's Lukas," he held out his hand.

Louis just nodded. "Really now?"

"Yeah," Lukas nodded. "And no need to worry, man. I'm gay."

"Oh," he couldn't hide his relief.

Ruby rolled her eyes.

"So, you're Ren's sister and Tawny's ex, what's your take on the situation with them?" Lukas asked, resuming the conversation.

"Huh?" This was news to his ears.

"Oh," Ruby said. "Louis doesn't know. Ren and Tawny have a...a thing."

"A thing?" he asked, seeking clarification.

"Yes, they slept together a couple times, and are very into each other, but won't get together because Tawny doesn't want to be tied to one person, and Ren isn't willing to be just one of many," Lukas explained, getting him up to speed.

"Seriously?" Louis stammered. "How did I miss this?"

"Good question, it's been painfull obvious for the last month and a half... and really since before that even," Ruby nodded. "It's been so frustrating."

"So, what are you guys planning something?" he asked.

"No," they both replied in unison.

"Should we?" Lukas asked, turning to Ruby.

"Not yet," Ruby shook her head. "Let's wait a little."

"Yeah, maybe they will just get over their thing and move on like nothing happened," Lukas shrugged.

"Ha, yeah right," Ruby laughed. "I just mean we need to let them pine for each other a little longer before we intervene. Let the desire build up."

"Oh," Lukas laughed.

Louis sighed. How weird was that? Tawny and Ren? If he didn't have Ruby he just might've flipped out...but their relationship would force him to keep himself in check.

* * *

Roger Dean's car pulled up outside of Sacramento Local Newspapers. 

Tawny's hand flew to the handle and she hurriedly made to leave the car, but her dad stopped her.

"Wait justa minute now," he said, pulled her back into her seat by her arm.

"What?" she asked, annoyed, saving herself from parental wrath by adding: "I don't want to be late."

"Alright, here's the deal, Tawny," he started. "We're not going to stand for any more of this shit you've been pulling. Ok? No more late nights out drinking and passing around STDs or whatever it is you're doing. It stops now. You're going to be here, at work, every day. You will not be late, you will not leave early. I talked to the Contract Publishing manager yesterday-- that's the department you'll be in-- and she said that one of the kids in this program gets a $150 bonus at the end of the summer. The best one, the most useful, gets it. I want that kid to be you. Understand? Do it."

"I'll try my best," she said, bothered by his sudden pressure.

"You'll do your best and you'll get te bonus, that's it," he said. "And you will not let me down. You've been screwing things up long enough and your mother and I have enough problems to deal with without you and your issues thrown into the mix, get it? You have a lot to make up for with this job. For starters you can try and make it less embarrassing for me."

"What?" she asked, unsure of what he meant.

"What?" he repeated mockingly. "You've been ridiculous this whole year, you've humiliated your mother and I to no end. Make me proud to be your father, not embarrassed. Now go!"

She pushed open the door and climbed out of the car fast, blinking her eyes several times to keep back the tears that his last sentiments had managed to trigger.

She sighed, gathered herself, and headed toward the building. She opened the large glass doors leading to the entry way and approached the receptionists desk.

"Hey, I'm Tawny Dean, I'm here for--"

"Down this hall, take the first right and then take another right and you'll see the conference room, go there," a small old woman pointed down the hall.

"Thanks," Tawny nodded. She followed the woman's directions.

She came to the conference room door-- it was closed.

She hesitated, hoping to God she wasn't late, and pulled open the door.

Inside she found a room full of people, mostly kids her age, staring at her.

"Another one?" a voice from the front called over to her.

"Y-yes," Tawny said, stepping inside. "I'm sorry."

"Aren't we all..." he sighed. "Take a seat."

Tawny swallowed, humiliated, and took a seat in the back.

"Late on the first day of work," a familiar voice came from nearby. "That's not good."

She bitterly looked up to find Brandi sitting beside her.

"I was late too though, just a few seconds earlier than you."

Tawny nodded, not wanting to hear from her right now.

"But you know who I bet was here before the boss?" Brandi whispered with a grin, pointing through the mob to the front of the group, off to the far side of the room.

Tawny followed Brandi's gesture to find none other than Ren Stevens, standing amongst the front of the mass of people.

"No," she muttered under her breath. "Wh-why is... this can't be happening."

Almost as if she felt Tawny looking at her, Ren turned and grinned at the both of them-- flashing the sexy, half-smirk that lately made Tawny weak in the knees.


	20. This Mess We're In

**Chapter Twenty: This Mess We're In**

"Louis!" Ren yelled through the bathroom door.

"What's going on here?" Eileen asked, sticking her head out of her bedroom.

"He took my laptop, without asking," Ren explained heatedly. "And last time he did that he got chocolate all over it and when I went to open it at school there was… a dirty photo for my desktop background!"

Eileen shook her head. "We talked to him about that, honey."

"Twenty bucks says he's in there looking at porn and jerking off," Ren grumbled

"Ren," Eileen scolded, and knocked on the door. "Louis? Honey, if you're going to use your sister's laptop for schoolwork you have to ask first. If she says no, then you can't have it."

With that the short, red-headed woman retreated back to her room where she was going over paper work of her own.

"Ok, he's old enough to not need that explained to him and he's not doing homework," Ren muttered to herself, crossing her arms.

"I'm doing an experiment for chemistry!" Louis called back at them.

"You're doing one for biology and you already know the result!" Ren snapped back, pounding on the door. "Open up!"

"Just a few minutes!"

"Why? Haven't gotten any from Ruby lately? She's probably tired of having to walk an amateur through everything every time; you should cut her some slack. Use the time to learn where everything is so she can actually enjoy herself next time!"

"Shut up, you don't know what you're talking about," Louis barked, jumping to his feet and unlocking the door.

Ren stepped back as he opened it. His pants, though buttoned, were unzipped—she took this as evidence that her theory had been correct. She glared at him. "I'm her best friend, who do you think she talks to about these things, Louis?"

She pushed past him and grabbed her computer, quickly examining it for any signs of…well, Louis.

"Screw you!" he yelled at her, marching off to his room and slamming the door.

She rolled her eyes and headed into her own room, setting her computer down on her desk and opening it.

She warily put her fingers to the keys, typing in her password so that her account would come up, unable to help imagining where the fingers that had touched it moments before had been. Disgusted she immediately grabbed her hand-sanitizer. And when she looked back at the screen a moment later, she found her early speculations only further confirmed.

"Louis!"

Rather than Louis though, Eileen appeared at her door a few minutes later. "Honey, can I come in?"

"Yeah, sure, mom," Ren replied.

Eileen entered and took a seat on her daughter's bed. "We need to have a little talk."

"What?" Ren turned around, confused.

"Well, Louis just came to me and told me that you and Tawny have been, well, sleeping together, but that you're not together."

"Wait, no," Ren tried to interject.

"Now, I think you're too young to be sleeping with anyone anyway, however, I'm not blind to the reality of it. But you need to be careful and you shouldn't sleep with just anyone—especially not your brother's ex. I mean, I know he's with Ruby now, but Tawny was his girlfriend for a long time, Ren. You know, he might still have some feelings for her."

Ren sighed, shaking her head. "I haven't been sleeping with Tawny. I slept with her, yes. But I haven't been seeing her regularly or anything at all."

"So there's nothing between you two?"

Ren hesitated. "I wouldn't say that."

_Tawny had decided that she was done with Ren, but Ren hadn't accepted that. She'd spent most of the past month making it a point to flirt with other girls in front of Tawny, and even with Tawny from time to time—hell, she'd been bordering on sexual harassment half the time. And she knew full well Tawny wasn't really done with her._

_Tawny had approached her a month earlier, on that first day of work, after showing up late._

"_Why are you here?"_

"_For work," Ren replied with a grin._

"_No, I mean… you assigned me this job. And…"_

"_And I'm working here too," Ren shrugged. "Is it really that difficult for you to be around me, Tawny?"_

"_No," the younger girl quipped back, too suddenly to be taken for an honest answer._

_Ren had obviously chosen to assign Tawny to work at a place she would like working, so that she could continue her unconventional pursuit of the girl. But she'd lucked out big time when she and Tawny were both assigned to the Contract Publishing department. They had the same boss, and were constantly going head to head in their efforts at winning his affection. Usually, Ren coming out ahead, though Tawny had impressed even her a couple of times with her craft and creativity—the girl could do really great work when she tried to._

_In any case, she'd found that flirting with Brandi seemed to be the most affecting, though Tawny clearly didn't like watching Ren sweet talk any other girls, though there were only 3 other girls who weren't straight anyway._

_Just the other day, she'd come up to Brandi and was complimenting her outfit, very explicitly—of course, making certain Tawny had a clear view and was well within ear-shot. She'd stood very close to her and ran her fingers through her hair._

_She felt a tad guilty for using Brandi in this way, except she knew that Brandi knew what was going on, and she didn't seem to protest._

"No," Ren looked at her mother. "There's something."

"Oh, well," Eileen didn't seem too upset by the idea, but not too thrilled either. "Ah, just be careful, honey, ok? I mean, I guess Tawny is a good girl. I shouldn't worry."

"No, you shouldn't," Ren nodded. "I can take care of myself, mom."

* * *

"I'm just saying you could get a job too, you know," Ruby snapped across the table. "Quit being so ridiculously lazy." 

"I'm not lazy, I use this time to do very important things," Louis contended.

"For other people or just for your personal enjoyment?"

"My God, you're starting to sound like Tawny," he groaned. "How did that happen? You're supposed to be the anti-Tawny."

"The anti-Tawny? So, what? You're just with me to get over her? I'm the rebound girl?"

"No, no," he shook his head. "I'm totally over her. I just meant, you sounded like her, and normally you and her are complete opposites."

"Whatever," Ruby shrugged. "You are too lazy. And immature. All you do is spend your time making stupid pranks and…just doing stupid things. Get a job; make some money so you can take me out once in a while—and not with money you got from your dad."

He slouched in his chair, figuring it was now in his best interest to change the subject to another pressing matter. "Ren said that you aren't happy with me."

"What?" Ruby asked, startled. _Ren wouldn't have dared tell him… would she?_

"She said you weren't …_satisfied_ with me," he reluctantly explained, leaning across the table, his voice low, barely above a whisper. "She said you said I didn't…know where everything is."

"Oh, um," Ruby was both upset and relieved. "It's not a big deal, Louis. You're getting better."

"So I suck?" he sat back in his chair, annoyed.

"No!" Ruby reassured him. "You… you're getting better."

He crossed his arms.

"Louis," she insisted. "You were a virgin. So, you weren't the best ever—but you're getting good. That's just the way it is."

"I guess," he mumbled, clearly humiliated.

"Well, you know, if you really want to improve faster, I could help you out. The male ego rarely allows this, but, I can show you what to do, Louis. I won't tell anyone."

"Ha, except my _sister_, right?"

"She hates me giving her details about you... you hate me giving her details about you… I can keep my mouth shut."

From behind, Lukas let out a loud laugh. "Ruby Mendel, keep her mouth shut?"

Ruby glared at him.

Louis dropped his head into his hands.

"Don't worry, man," Lukas patted him on the back. "I'd already heard from Tawny."

"How does Tawny know?"

"Um," Ruby started, glaring still at Lukas.

"Later," he said, taking it as his cue to disappear. "I'm meeting Tawny for lunch today."

* * *

"She's making it impossible for me, Lukas," Tawny groaned, her forehead pressed against her palms. 

"Impossible for you to work or just impossible for you to resist her?"

"I _can_ resist her," Tawny insisted. "It's just hard. She's wearing this skirt today and it's really short—I mean, not too short, since the company has a code and all, but they aren't very adamant about enforcing it among the summer help, but still. She's just so…"

"Sexy? Smart? Beautiful? A perfect match for you?"

"Shut up," she glowered at him. "You've really been no help to me.Tom would've been more of a help," she continued. "But he's too busy with an internship. So, I came to you, for help. Not to be mocked."

"Right, right," he nodded. "I'm sorry."

"Sure you are," she scoffed.

"Hey, I can't help it. I feel like you've just been ridiculous with this whole mess with Ren. I think you should just forget everyone else and go with her. That's my opinion. If you need help with any other things, then I'm good for that too."

_Other things? Hmmm… where could I begin? Should I tell him about how unplanned, and ultimately devastating, my arrival in the world was? Or should he get the latest news: my father is having an affair… and has been having one for months. _

"The thing I need help with right now is Ren," Tawny persisted, shaking off her other thoughts. "I'm trying to do what you said, to go with either Ren or everyone else—I chose everyone else. But Ren won't let me just have that."

"Because she wants you too, Tawny," he shrugged. "Add that to the list of reasons why you should get with her. How many points are on the con list? Oh, that's right, NONE."

She scowled.

"You've been scowling too much lately," Lukas grinned. "You should smile more often. Maybe that would make Ren give in. You're probably easier to resist when you look so bitter all the time."

"Forget it," she muttered. "I need to leave a little early to pick up a couple cakes."

"Ooh, cakes? For what?"

"For the July birthdays," she answered.

"What?"

"The company I work for, they get a couple cakes every month, around mid-month, to celebrate birthdays. So, everyone whose birthday is in July is counting on me to pick up the cakes," she replied sardonically. "They'll die of sheer disappointment if I don't."

"You're even bitter about cakes!"

She half-smiled and got to her feet.

Lukas accompanied her to the shop where she picked up the cakes and then they parted ways.

She ran into Brandi in the entry way to the building and she offered to take one of the cakes for her. Brandi had been trying very hard to get back in Tawny's good graces, but Ren was making it difficult. She'd come over and flirt with Brandi, right in front of Tawny, and Brandi wanted to just reject her…but she couldn't. No, Ren Stevens had this look she did that made you just want to say yes to whatever she asked. Or, at least that's the affect it had on Brandi. Tawny obviously had a stronger will-power.

Tawny gave her one of the cakes anyway, but, other than muttering a quick thanks, she maintained her frosty attitude toward Brandi.

The two headed down the hall toward the conference room, when Ren appeared in their sights.

Tawny had to stop for a moment and regroup, concentrate on walking, on delivering the cake and not looking at the leggy older girl who looked so unbelievably gorgeous that day.

She made eye-contact with Ren, in spite of her best efforts not to. And of course Ren threw her that look… obviously she knew the effect it had on her.

Their boss was standing in the middle of the hall and Tawny almost ran straight into him. He stopped her and removed the box's lid, having a look at the delicious dessert inside. "Looks good!"

Tawny nodded at him, unable to take her eyes off Ren, and then continued down the hall, not even noticing another body in the hall before her.

"Whoa there!" her boss called out in warning, still holding the pink cardboard lid in hand.

Startled, Tawny swerved to avoid running into the other man, now that she was him. And somehow, as the fates would have it, she tripped.

She crashed to the floor, her face landing straight in the cake.

She heard several people stifling their laughter and she got to her feet, the frosting covering the fierce blush in her cheeks. And looked over at the man she'd almost run into. It was, of course, the owner of the entire company.

"Well, at least there are two cakes," he laughed, though he was clearly a little peeved by the evident clumsiness of the girl in front of him. "Go wash up. Someone call the janitor!"

Brandi continued on toward the conference room and Tawny sourly headed into the bathroom.

Ren couldn't help but be amused by the scene that had played out before her, though she felt bad for Tawny too—she was well aware of the part she'd played. She headed into the bathroom as well.

"Sorry about that," she said, upon sight of the blue-eyed girl.

Tawny glared at her through the white frosted mess all over her face and in her hair. "You didn't do anything."

Ren smirked, walking over to stand beside Tawny. "Right, but I look pretty damn good, don't I?"

Tawny continued to scowl as hunched over the sink and splashed water on her face.

Ren leaned over Tawny, so that her mouth was right next to her frosting-covered ear. "You know, if you'd have been carrying the chocolate cake, I'd have helped you clean it off. Even I can't resist _that_ flavor."


	21. A Get Away

**Chapter Twenty-One: A Get Away**

"Hey, Ruby," Louis greeted his girlfriend outside of Your Toast, her shift having just ended.

"Hey," she replied, clearly exhausted.

"Guess what?" he asked, but didn't give her a chance to answer before he did. "Tom, Twitty, and me are going camping the week after next. And maybe Tawny—Tom has to call her still. Camping isn't really her thing, so I don't know if she'll come."

"Oh, that'll be fun," she nodded, not really paying attention.

"I know, I'm a regular mountain man, personally," he boasted. "But I wanted you to come. Tom said we could invite other people. What do you say? We could invite Lukas too," Louis offered, glancing around for the black-haired boy.

"Camping? Me? For a week?" Ruby asked, clearly amused at the thought. "I don't think I can do that."

"Ah, come on," Louis prodded. "It'll be fun."

"And dirty. And aren't there bears and stuff?"

"I can protect you from the bears, babe," Louis claimed.

Ruby laughed. "I'm sure you can."

"Hey," Lukas joined them outside the restaurant. "What's up?"

"A bunch of us are going camping in a couple weeks. Neither of you have used up your vacation week, right? You guys should come. It'll be fun."

"I don't know if they'll let both of us off at the same time," Lukas shrugged. "But if they will, I'm down for it."

"And if not, you can go, and I'll stay," Ruby interjected.

"You're coming, it's going to be a blast, you'll see," Louis said, kissing her on the forehead. "Now I've got to go—my dad is making me help him with some yard work this weekend, so I can make some extra cash." He looked at Ruby expectantly.

"Good," she nodded.

He grinned and left.

"Camping, huh?" Lukas asked, turning to his blonde co-worker.

"Not my thing," Ruby said, rolling her eyes. "But I'll give it a try, I guess. He really wants me to come."

"That's good," Lukas nodded. "It should be fun. Hopefully we can both get the time off, because I'd really like to come too."

* * *

Tawny was laying face-down on her bed, her cell buzzing on the nightstand beside her. She almost let it go, but, at the last minute, she reached over and grabbed it. "Hello?" 

"Tawny!" an enthusiastic, familiar voice rang through the phone.

She held it a little away from her head, put off by the sheer volume of the voice. But she sat up, glad to hear from who it was. "Tom, how are you?"

"Good, good," he replied. "It's unfortunate we've been unable to spend any quality time together, my friend. But I've found a solution to that. I'll have one week off from my internship, two weeks from now. I've already contacted Twitty and Louis and we decided a camping trip would be fun. Twitty will be back just in time for it. And since Louis isn't working, there's no problem there. You can invite any other friends you'd like. And we'll go spend some time all together in the wild!"

"Um," Tawny hesitated. "I'm really not much of a camper, Tom. I mean, well, I've never been, for one."

"Never been camping? Well, then you can't say you don't like it," he argued.

"Well, I don't know if I'll be able to get the time off, but I guess I'll try," Tawny responded. She wanted to see Tom, and wouldn't mind seeing Twitty. Louis she still saw often enough. But a week of camping? That meant being outside and dirty and… she hated how girly this made her feel, but everything she knew about camping didn't make it sound the slightest bit fun. Especially with Louis… she shuddered to think of the gross things he could find to put in her sleeping bag or on her luggage. He loved to try and make her scream—it was no easy feat with her, but the wilderness would provide him with ample supplies and would work well against Tawny's more feminine side.

"Do try, Tawny," Tom said, sounding genuinely disappointed by her lack of enthusiasm. "I'm not the most outdoorsy guy, and if it's just me and Louis and Twitty, well, I'll be the odd man out."

"I'll try," she reassured him, feeling guilty now.

"Ok, goodbye!"

"Later," she hung up. She sighed. She had no honest intention of joining the boys on the trip, no matter how much Tom wanted her to.

She glanced at the clock. She was only working part-time today, the afternoon shift. Glancing at the clock, she noted it was 11:30. She pushed herself off her bed and got dressed.

Neither of her parents were home, so she didn't have to deal with them, or watch them deal with each other, for that matter. She was able to eat in peace.

When the clock struck twelve, she left the house.

* * *

Ruby flagged Ren down outside the McDonalds. 

The taller girl made her way over to her friend with a discontented look on her face. "Do you know how bad this stuff is for you?" she asked, gesturing toward the emblematic golden arches. "Let's eat somewhere else."

"I'm craving this," Ruby countered, just waving her off. "Louis is making me go camping with him and Twitty and Tom. And Lukas too maybe. You have to come too."

"What?" Ren asked, pulling open the door.

"They've planned a camping trip," Ruby repeated. "I'm not a camper. And I don't want to be the only girl there. Well, he said Tawny might come, but probably not. I'm sure you could get Tawny to come."

Ren smiled. "Or, I could lay off her a bit."

"What?" Ruby asked, looking at her friend with nothing but confusion.

"I don't know," Ren shrugged. "I really don't know what I'm doing with her. I feel like I should back off and leave her alone… but I'm just…not going to do that."

"Well, whatever," Ruby shrugged. "You _have_ to come with me."

"No," Ren shook her head. "I can't, I have work."

"You get time off, don't you?"

"I wasn't going to take any," Ren replied.

"What the hell is the matter with you?"

Ren laughed and rolled her eyes.

"Seriously, Ren," Ruby continued. "You have to come. You owe me."

"I _owe_ you?"

"Yeah, for opening your big mouth and telling Louis that I wasn't… you know… you upset him."

"I could tell him other things, you know," Ren muttered spitefully. "Things that would hurt him a lot more."

Ruby frowned. "You should get out of the faxing and filing world for a few days, it'll do you good. I'm sure you could have some fun with Tawny if you convince her to come too, you know."

"Or, if she finds out I'm coming, she might be even more resolved not to come. I've been bugging her quite a bit lately."

"You said the company was moving a few days ago, didn't you?" Ruby's face lit up. "Yes! You said they were moving and you weren't needed during the actual moving week, just for preparation. You said you're having to go through old files and throw stuff out, and organize boxes and stuff. You're only going to be working part-time after the move too. Am I right?"

"The move won't be until the week after next. So I will have that week off. Is that when you're going camping?"

"Yes!" Ruby exclaimed.

"Damn," Ren mumbled.

Ruby laughed. "You're coming with us."

* * *

The 2nd back storage room was packed full of boxes from several departments. One whole wall was devoted to Contract Publishing. 

Tawny stared up at the wall—shelves full of binders upon binders of old advertisements. She had to go through all of them and throw away all the old ads and account information, but be sure to save the color-coded, alphabetical dividers. Then pack everything into boxes and label them. She also had to pack heavy boxes full of old directories and things into the appropriate boxes. All mindless dirty work… that's all this job was. Very rarely was she ever presented with something that required intellectual stimulation. Most often, when one of the help was needed for something like that, they sought out Ren Stevens. Ren had chosen Tawny to help her with a variety of these tasks—but Tawny didn't like working with Ren. She couldn't work with Ren. She could stare. She could, at times, practically drool over the older girl. But actually getting work done in her presence became more and more of a challenge the more effort Ren put into enticing Tawny. And _that_ bothered her even more… you'd think she could resist better, knowing Ren's intentions. But no… she was struggling to resist at all.

She sighed and shook her head. She climbed up the step-stool and reached for a random box on the top shelf and pulled it down. It was too heavy for her though, and the box came down harder and faster than she'd anticipated causing her to fall backward off the stepstool and crash down the floor.

Tawny scrambled to her feet, glancing around the corner to see if anyone had heard the commotion and come running.

She was met with one person, who didn't seem at all concerned: Ren.

"Hey," the older girl said, half-grinning. "You should be more careful."

Tawny frowned and set her attention on picking up the scattered papers that had been dumped out of the box.

"So, what's your game-plan?" Ren asked, squatting beside her and helping gather the papers.

"What?"

"We need to get all of these packed up ASAP. What's your strategy? Should we pack all of the binders first, or the directories? The binders will take the longest, I imagine, since they want them emptied."

"Oh," Tawny said. "I was just going to start at the top and work my way down."

"Ok," Ren nodded. "How about I start on the binders?"

"They sent you down here too?" Tawny asked, her voice a combination of annoyance and, strangely enough, fear.

Ren looked at her quizzically. "Yeah, they did."

"Oh," Tawny nodded, trying to cover her blatant feelings about it.

Ren stood up and grabbed a box of binders and went and stood by a large blue recycle bin. She began to empty the old paperwork out.

The two worked in silence for nearly three hours.

Ren eyed the younger girl constantly, wondering whether or not she should abandon the cause, but always deciding against it_. I could be good for you. I can help with whatever it is that you're going through, Dean._

"Are you going on this camping trip Louis and everyone seem to be planning?" Ren asked then, trying to sound casual.

"Probably not," Tawny replied, without looking at her. "I'm not much of a camper."

"I wouldn't think you would be," Ren nodded. "But you should come."

"I should come?" Tawny asked, looking at Ren then. "_You're_ going?"

"That turn you off the idea completely?" Ren asked with a smile.

"N-no," Tawny responded, again striving to cover her all-too-obvious feelings.

"Ruby is insisting that I go," Ren explained. "Only I know she and Louis are going to be fondling each other the whole time. And I'm not really friends with Twitty or Tom, so… you should come."

"Because we're friends?" Tawny asked indignantly.

"I consider you a friend, yes," Ren replied, grinning. "You don't feel the same way about me, I know. Or, I should say, you don't feel the same in that area of our…odd relationship."

Tawny didn't say anything, only returned her attention to labeling the boxes.

_I could give her some hope maybe,_ Ren thought. _I could kiss her…No… I don't want to lead her on. Well, what am I doing? I can't do that though…_

Tawny stood up and was surprised to find Ren standing immediately behind her, the older girl's hand was rested against her side. "You should come."

Tawny inhaled deeply and turned around. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"What?" Ren asked, though she knew full well what Tawny meant.

Tawny shook her head and tried to move further down the shelf, but Ren moved faster, putting a hand to the shelf on either side of Tawny, trapping the younger girl between her and the shelf.

"You know," Tawny breathed, aggravated and, of course, aroused. "This really is sexual harassment. I could get you fired so easily."

"You could," Ren replied, smiling. "Come on the trip. We can talk."

Tawny hesitated, confused by Ren's insistence. She was sure the older girl just wanted more time to harass her… probably walk around scantly clad, in a swim suit or something. _Ooh… now there's a thought._

"Come on," Ren pressed.

_Resist! She's been making this summer impossible for you and this gives you a week without her! Say no! Resist her! _

"Alright," Tawny agreed, thinking it against her better judgment.


	22. The Trip I

**A/N: **Embrace my gloriously orignal title!

**Chapter Twenty-Two: The Trip (Part One)**

Tawny dropped her two duffel bags by the front door and stepped into the kitchen, her backpack on, wondering whether or not she'd over packed. They'd only be gone four nights.

She'd packed a bag of snacks for the car ride and it was sitting on the counter. She grabbed it quickly and made to leave, but instead turned and looked into the living room. Her parents were there, and were both in not-so-rare form.

"I am sick and tired of your complaining!" Roger bellowed across the living room at his wife.

"I am just trying to do what is best for this family!" She screamed back.

Tawny rolled her eyes. Their fighting had become so cliché, so generic. "So, I'm going to be back Sunday."

Neither of them seemed to even notice.

"We'll be out in the wild somewhere, I imagine," she continued, raising her voice more. "I guess that's what you do when you go camping, so...yeah."

They continued to hurl insults at one another, still ignoring the presence of their daughter in the room.

"Ok, well, I'm going to take this, if that's ok," Tawny said, pulling down a bottle of peppermint vodka from her parents liquor cabinet.

When neither of them turned their attention to her, she sighed, shoving the bottle into her backpack, and left the room.

She grabbed her two bags and went to wait out on her front porch.

Tom would be driving them in his mother's van.

The large blue vehicle pulled up a few minutes later and she trudged over to the side of the road.

"Sheesh, pack much?" Lukas asked, getting out of the passenger seat and grabbing her bags from her. He took them to the back of the car and packed them in.

Twitty slid open the sliding side door and grinned at her. "He packed way too little."

Next to Twitty sat Ruby, and on the other side of her was Louis.

In the back seat were Ren and Brandi. And an empty space left for Tawny. She inhaled deeply and climbed in, taking a seat between the two girls.

"Hey," Brandi said timidly.

Tawny looked at her, but said nothing.

"So, how is everyone, now that we're all here?" Tom asked jovially once they were officially on the road.

"I'm good," Louis answered.

"Yeah, me too," Ruby replied, smiling at him.

"Me three," Twitty said.

Ruby looked at him uncomfortably. He'd been gone all summer, but now he was here… and they'd agreed not to say anything but being around him just reminded her constantly of the horrible thing they'd done.

The look on his face told her he felt the same way. But for Louis' sake they'd both try their hardest to hide that.

"Tawny, what about you?" Tom asked, unsatisfied with the lackluster responses from his other travel companions.

"Things have been ok," Tawny replied.

Tom's eyes were glancing at her through the rearview mirror with genuine concern. He has a look on his face that said 'we'll talk later'.

But Tom had been gone for months, and Tawny had only just begun to warm up to him in the first place. She didn't see herself confiding much in him now. She'd have to warm up to him all over again.

The drive was close to three hours to some remote location that Tom had chosen

"Here we are!" Tom announced as they pulled into the campsite he'd reserved. "Lakefront! Father and I come here every other year."

Everyone eagerly clambered out of the car and stretched their sore, cramped limbs.

"It's perfect for our group," Tom continued. "There are three spots for tents. One for two-person over there," he pointed to a small area encircled in boulders. "For Louis and Ruby."

Louis grabbed up the smaller tent and made his way over to the spot to set up.

"And one of the five-person tents can go over there, by that little circle of trees. And the other over by the water. Ladies, which space would you prefer?"

Tawn glanced back at Ren and Brandi—for some reason it was just occurring to her that she's be bunking, as it were, with them. "Wh-what?"

"We'll take the one by the water," Ren answered, grinning at Tawny.

Brandi lifted one of the tent boxes up and made her way over to the space. Twitty lifted the other and went over to the miniature grove. He almost ran into Ruby and the two awkwardly apologized to each other.

Tawny frowned, cursing herself for being so stupid. Obviously she'd be with them…

"So, how does this work?" Lukas asked, stepping up beside Tawny. "I mean, is there a bathroom or do we, like, go in the woods?"

"Oh God," Tawny groaned. "Please tell me there's a bathroom." She turned to Tom.

"Yes, yes," he nodded. "We didn't want to go too hard-core on you newbies."

* * *

That night was particularly cold and Tawny learned that, all though she'd packed too much, she hadn't packed anything adequate. She also did not have a sleeping pad. Tom had said everyone was responsible for their own sleeping bags, pads, and pillows, but she hadn't had a pad. The few times the Deans went on vacation it was either visiting family, or flying to Europe, where they stayed in relatively nice hotels. They weren't outdoor people by any stretch of the imagination. 

_I should never have come on this stupid trip,_ she thought bitterly as she shivered in her bag, and shifted her position for the thousandth time in an effort to get comfortable—which was quite hard with rocks and roots and twigs pressing up into her body.

She'd set up something of a barricade with her bags between her and Ren. Brandi was fast asleep on the other side of the older girl.

"You should've said something to me or Louis, we could've brought Donnie's pad," Ren said. She was unable to sleep with all the rustling of the girl's sleeping bag whenever she moved.

"I've never been camping before," Tawny muttered. "I didn't… think things through."

"There's extra room over here," Ren offered. "I can scoot over so I'm partly on Brandi's pad, hers is big. Then you can have--"

"No," Tawny interrupted abruptly. "I'm fine."

"Do you at least want a sweatshirt?"

"No," Tawny repeated.

"I won't sexually harass you," Ren said, though she was clearly very amused by the thought. "If that's what you're worried about."

Tawny didn't respond. She heard Ren moving but couldn't see anything in the blackness that surrounded them. The unusually cloudy August sky prevented any potential aid of moon or starlight.

A few seconds later a sweatshirt landed on her.

In spite of herself, she pulled it on, grateful for the extra warmth it provided.

"There are, of course, other ways you could get warm too," Ren said then with a sly grin in the darkness, knowing it would make Tawny uncomfortable, and consequently resenting herself a little for saying it, but she was unable to help herself.

Tawny sighed, not really as annoyed as she'd expected herself to be. She'd been waiting for such a comment from Ren all day, really. "You know I'd love to take you up on that offer. But you'd need to take me up on mine."

"Yes, I know that," Ren replied, her voice telling that she knew they wouldn't go through with anything, that their banter would be fruitless as usual. But they would keep talking about it, nonetheless. She wanted to ask Tawny why she was so opposed to dating Ren, why she was so convinced they wouldn't work. But she refrained from asking, assuming the younger girl wouldn't provide a satisfactory answer anyway.

* * *

The following day, Tawny was reluctant to rise. She'd spent the greater portion of the night trying to get to sleep and now she was waking with only an hour or two's sleep behind her, and her whole body aching._ One out of four nights down_, she thought. 

She groaned and sat up. She could hear everyone else outside, chatting, eating, laughing, set intrusively against the sounds of the water lapping against the shore and the birds chirping. A crackling fire seemed to be the only sound that unified the scene.

She somehow slipped away for another half hour, and when she woke, the outside sounds were substantially less. She dressed herself and stumbled out of the tent, tripping on a root, but managing not to fall.

"Careful," Ren warned from her seat by the fire. She was reading a novel.

Brandi was sitting at the picnic table eating oatmeal.

"Where's Tom?" she asked, gradually noting the absence of others as well. "And Louis? And Ruby? And…everybody?"

"Louis and Tom are fishing," Brandi answered. "Ruby and Lukas are watching them. And Twitty went off to the bathroom, he should be back soon, though."

Tawny nodded. "They're fishing down in the lake?"

Ren looked up at her quizzically. "Where else?"

"Well, I mean," Tawny glared at her indignantly. "Where exactly? They aren't right here, obviously."

"Down the path a ways," Ren said, getting to her feet and folding up her chair. "I'm going to head down there myself now, actually. Ruby had something she wanted to talk about. I can show you where if you want to come."

"I'm fine," Tawny replied.

"Ok," Ren responded, leaving the estranged friends at the campsite alone.

Tawny and Brandi stared each other down silently for what seemed like forever before Twitty showed up.

"Ren!" Ruby exclaimed at the sight of her friend. "What took you so long?"

"I told you I'd come after I finished a chapter," Ren responded.

"Louis sucks," she whispered, gesturing to the fishing boys. "Tom is way better, but Louis is getting so pissed. It's hilarious."

"Ah," Ren nodded, knowing that to be her brother, and then, unable to help herself, she added: "So, are you going to sleep with Tom now? Since he's better, and all?"

Ruby glared at her and shook her head.

Lukas dropped down onto a stump beside Ren. "Hey."

"Hey," she replied. She didn't really know the black-haired boy at all, just that he was a friend of Brandi, Tawny, and apparently Ruby's too.

"Lookin' good, Tom," Lukas called.

Tom blushed.

Ren and Ruby looked at each other knowingly, and couldn't help but grinning.

"I bet Twitty is lovin' being in that tent," Ruby whispered.

Ren nodded.

"I give up!" Louis yelled, exasperated. His line was tangled in a massive rat's nest and his rooster tail was snagged on something on the lakebed. He tugged and tugged until finally the line broke free and then stormed off the beach in a huff.

* * *

The next day, since it was much hotter than the past two had been, Tom and Twitty pumped up a large yellow raft. Ruby and Brandi packed a lunch and Lukas tried to rig a fishing pole for the trip they planned to take across the lake. They didn't even get into the raft until three in the afternoon, and getting away from the shore proved an hour-long production due to nothing other than Lukas' inability to row properly, and Louis' unwillingness to help. 

Tawny opted not to go, and rather stayed in the tent, still trying to get some sleep.

And Ren also declined the voyage, instead she went for a long walk by herself.

The night before, she had talked a little with Tawny again. The same harmless- or at least harmless in her mind—conversation as the night before pretty much. Only this time Tawny was really upset. She'd yelled at Ren, out of the blue.

Ren had offered Tawny space on the sleeping pad, since the girl was obviously sore from sleeping without one. But, of course, she stubbornly refused.

And when Ren slipped in one of her innuendos, one of her baiting hints… Tawny snapped back at her: "You weren't ok with what I offered, Ren. So I left you alone. Why can't you do the same for me? Back off!"

"Sorry," Ren had muttered, taken aback by the harsh response.

And the two didn't speak for the remainder of the night.

_Maybe Ruby really is right_, she thought as she strolled through the woods by herself, picking apart a flower as she went. She could see the bright yellow raft out on the lake. _Maybe I **should** just back off. Maybe I'm just enjoying the chase anyway. Maybe I don't really want Tawny. That would be unfair to her and so...who am I kidding? That's just not true. It's not jus the chase. Not the challenge._ She shook her head, frustrated. _I know she…Maybe I should just talk to her. Something is wrong…I know it. And that's what's making her act like this, not me. In normal circumstances…well, she'd have given in by now. Though I could be underestimating her. She is as stubborn as I am, easily._

She sighed heavily, dropping the remains of the flower on the ground.

Several seconds later she realized the raft had turned around and was retreating—someone was swimming behind it though.

Louis.

She laughed quietly to herself and turned to head back to camp.

_Ren would listen,_ Tawny thought, rolling over in her sleeping bag, burying herself within it to keep out the sunlight_. I know she would. And I could tell her. I don't want to though. I don't need it. I'm the one people go to for help, I should be able to help myself. But maybe I should at least give Ren's arrangement a try. Everyone seems to think it would be good for me. Maybe they're right._

She sat up, resigned that she wouldn't get any sleep in this place. _No, I can't let her succeed in her dirty seduction games…_

She got up and finally stepped out of the tent, just in time to see a soaked Louis come trudging through camp.

"They pushed me off!" he stammered, clearly peeved by the whole thing.

Tawny laughed at him and helped herself to some food. "I'm sure you deserved it."

He scowled and marched over to his tent to change into dry clothes.

Ruby came bolting in to the campsite a few seconds later. "Don't get my stuff wet, Louis!"

Everyone else came shortly after, all laughing hysterically.

* * *

Later that evening, well after dark, when everyone had retreated to their tents to sleep, Tawny--who'd finally managed to fall asleep reasonably early in the night (particularly due to the sharp increase in temperature, she wasn't spending her time shivering)--was shaken awake by Brandi. 

"What?" she grumbled, more upset than angry at being woken.

"Come with me," Brandi said,

"What?" Tawny repeated. "Wait, I'm not even talking to you."

"Tawny, I don't know how long it's going to take you to forgive me for this, but…well, I want to go skinny dipping and I need someone to come with me. Now, I could bring Ren, but I figured you wouldn't like that. Would you?"

"No," Tawny answered, practically automatically. "I mean, yes…I don't care. No, I do. Don't take her. I…"

"Exactly," Brandi grabbed her arm. "So, come one. Trust me, it's exhilarating. It's just what you need."

"No," Tawny replied.

Brandi grabbed her arm and jerked her out of her bag. "Yes!"

"What are you guys doing?" Ren asked, sitting up.

"We're going skinny dipping."

"What?"

Brandi sighed with frustration and yanked Tawny to her feet, hurriedly dragging the blue-eyed girl out of the tent and to the shore.

Ren climbed out of her sleeping bag and followed them.

"Hey, ladies," Twitty surprised them on the shore.

"Hey," Brandi greeted him. "We're going to take a dip."

She promptly undressed and slipped into the water.

Tawny hesitated, but as soon as she realized Ren was there, she found herself undressing and sliding into the cool water as well. As with her response to Brandi earlier, it seemed an automatic reaction to Ren's presence.

"You going in too?" Twitty asked.

"No," Ren replied, folding her arms and taking a seat on a boulder.

"Too bad," Twitty smirked, slipping out of his own shorts and shirt and wading into the water.

Ren sat on the shore watching the three splashing about in the water under the stars, watching one of them specifically and wondering how on earth she could make herself give up this chase…


	23. The Trip II

**A/N: **Ok, so, beware: those of you who had trouble embracing the last title, this one is even more radical! BEWARE!

**Chapter Twenty-Three: The Trip (Part Two)**

Twitty and Brandi made their way out of the dark water first. She was giggling hysterically about something he said. They gathered their clothes on the shore and made their way back to camp in the buff.

Ren looked out at Tawny, still in the water.

The younger girl had her back turned to Ren and was gazing out across the lake at the silhouettes of the trees against the night sky, and the bright reflection of the full moon on the water. "You should come in." She called, turning and looking back at Ren on the shore.

"I don't think so," Ren said with a sigh. "You should come back in. It's late. I'm tired."

Tawny turned around completely then, only the tops of her shoulders and up were above the water. "If _you're_ tired, then _you _can go to bed. I'm wide awake."

"You shouldn't be swimming out here by yourself," Ren responded.

"You're worried about me?" Tawny asked, somewhat playfully. Brandi had been right, for whatever reason, being in the water like this really had cheered her up—for the moment, anyway.

"Of course," Ren replied, not understanding Tawny's evident surprise. "Come on."

"Are you afraid I'm going to drown?" Tawny asked, cocking her head to the side with a grin.

"No, I just…it makes me nervous," Ren explained.

"Come in for a couple minutes and then I'll get out," Tawny said.

"Tawny," Ren protested. "I'm tired. And dry. And I like being dry."

"You know," Tawny mused. "I always considered you boring. That's what Louis always said and since I was his friend, I just went along with that."

"Thanks," Ren replied sarcastically.

"I don't think you're boring," Tawny continued. "Now that I know you a little."

"Ok," Ren shrugged. "That's great. Now come on."

Tawny sighed and began making her way to the shore. "You know, you're quite the creep just sitting there watching me."

Ren smiled and shrugged, but said nothing. She watched Tawny intently as she got out of the water, her body entirely exposed and lit brightly by the moonlight.

Tawny smirked to herself at the thought of Ren watching her—it felt like finally she was getting a little revenge for the multiple temptation acts Ren had been putting on all summer. She pulled her pajama bottoms and her t-shirt back on, her wet skin quickly soaking through the clothes. "You said you had an extra pair of pajama pants, right?"

"Yeah," Ren nodded.

The two began making their way up the path toward the campsite.

* * *

The next morning Tawny awoke with everyone else. It was her first time participating in what evidently had been the morning ritual of the past two days…

Brandi would make breakfast for everyone, with the aid of Twitty. The two seemed particularly flirtatious this morning.

Louis would sit in one of the chairs near the fire complaining about something or other, with Ruby on his lap trying to calm him down.

Tom and Lukas apparently had gotten quite friendly with one another.

And Ren would sit by the fire and read.

Tawny took a seat across the fire from Ren and the older girl glanced up from her book with a smile. "Up before noon?"

"I slept better last night," Tawny replied.

They stared at each other for a long moment before Ren forced her gaze back to the text in her hands.

"Wonder what that was about," Louis whispered to Ruby, suggestively moving his eyebrows up and down a few times.

She giggled and then focused her attention on Ren, as if staring at her would provide the answer to Louis' insinuation.

Brandi brought a plate of scrambled eggs over to Tawny and took the seat beside her. "Are we ok now?"

Tawny looked at her curiously, then back at Ren, then back at her. "Yeah, I guess. For the most part."

Brandi grinned. "Good." She got up and went back over to the picnic table.

Tawny inhaled deeply and began eating.

"Ok," Louis got to his feet several minutes later. "Today, I'm going to catch a fish. Today is the day. I can feel it. The fishing gods have been messing with me—they have to make it challenging because I'm so good at it normally that--"

"Everyone knows you suck, Louis," Ren interrupted him, without looking up from her book. "And furthermore, do you really think Ruby, of all people, cares if you can fish?"

He furrowed his brow angrily at his sister and marched off to get his fishing pole without word.

But he didn't catch a fish that day. Rather he reenacted the events of the day before, the rat's nest, the snagged rooster-tails… the anger at his own inabilities. Ruby spent the greater portion of the day trying to convince him that it was ok for him to suck at fishing, no one cared.

Meanwhile, Tom and Lukas and Twitty and Brandi went to extra efforts to spend time alone, though they were quite secretive about it.

Louis and Ruby were too wrapped up in their own issues to realize it, but it didn't go unnoticed by either Ren or Tawny.

Louis finally resigned to the fact that he simply wasn't a fisherman, and that Tom was, by the time night rolled around.

* * *

Since it was their last night, Twitty made an extra lively fire. The sky was clear, but if was a colder night again And as they roasted marshmallows in the flames, Ruby finally managed to initiate a game of Ten Fingers—she'd been trying since the first night, but was always met with a chorus of No's.

"Ok, it's our last night, so we're playing," she insisted. "Everyone knows the rules, right? You hold up ten fingers and we go around and everyone says something that they've never done. And if you have done whatever the thing is, you have to put a finger down. Ok, so, I'll start: I've never been on a blind date."

"Boring," Twitty remarked, putting a finger down. He was the only one who had, apparently. "Seriously? None of you've ever…weird. Ok, um, I've never smoked a joint."

Brandi, Lukas, and Tawny all looked at each other and burst out laughing, all putting down a finger.

"Tawny?" Louis asked, visibly startled.

She shrugged.

Ren frowned.

"I want to keep track on paper, it'll be easier," Tom chimed in. "And that way I can make sure there are no repeat questions."

"Ok," Twitty replied in mock seriousness. "It's not that important, Tom, but if you have to."

"I've never…" Brandi continued. "I've never had sex with a boy."

Tawny, Tom, Lukas, and Ruby all put down fingers.

"Tom?" Louis asked, though he didn't sound as surprised as he'd been at Tawny smoking. He leaned over to Ruby and whispered: "Art school."

The game quickly evolved into just asking questions, though people were still keeping track of their fingers.

"Ever gotten high on something other than pot?" Lukas had, but no one else.

"Had sex before age 15?" Only Ruby had gone there.

The game continued on, most people's fingers going down surprisingly quickly at such questions as: Have you ever been drunk in front of you parents? Ever had sex at home while you parents were there?

Most shocking of all, perhaps, was the fact that, out of everyone, it was Ren whose fingers went down for many of the more risqué sounding questions.

"Ok, have you ever had sex at school?" Lukas asked.

Ren, Tawny, Louis, Ruby, and Twitty all put their fingers down.

"Ok, how many does everyone have so far?" Ruby asked. "I still have five."

"Me too," Brandi nodded.

"And me," Lukas agreed.

"I have eight," Louis replied.

"Four," Twitty said.

"Six," Tom announced.

"Two," Tawny answered, holding up that many fingers.

"Ren?"

Ren grinned. "One."

"Seriously?" Tom said, truly surprised. "I'd never have pegged you to have done so much, and Louis to have done so little."

"Well, then," Louis frowned. "To end the game, I've never had sex with Tawny."

Ren put her last finger down and sat back in her chair. "I win."

"Did you seriously do all of that? When? I don't believe you," Louis quipped, unable to believe her. "I think you're lying."

"I am curious, personally," Ruby said with a pout. "Since you never told me of most of these things."

Ren sighed. "Which one do you not believe?"

"Well, let's see," Tom started. "I've been keeping track here in my notebook. Let's see…First one for you was that you've slept with a girl. No one wants to challenge that, I imagine."

No one replied.

"You've been drunk at school before?"

"Yes," Ren nodded. "Once during sophomore year. Big mistake, but I managed to fake my teachers out. Like all of you they were so convinced that I would never do such a thing, they just chalked it up to lack of sleep. I wasn't totally smashed or anything anyway."

"And you've been drunk in front of your parents?"

"Yeah," Louis laughed. "I was there so I do believe that one. And they're just like the teachers and they assume that since it's Ren, it must be something else. She would never get drunk!"

"Numbers four through ten are all sex-related," Tom shook his head. "And we thought you were chaste."

"I not a whore," Ren clarified.

"But you've been with two girls in one 24-hour period?" Lukas asked with astonishment, as if he hadn't heard it when everyone else had gasped earlier in the game.

"Yes, last December," Ren explained. "When Ruby had he party. I slept with Charlotte before we got to the party, and then there, after we broke up, I was with Brandi."

"Go Ren!" Twitty cheered. "I never would've guessed."

"Well, that leads into question five: Who has slept with at least 2 people here? Tawny and Brandi, I'm assuming. Anyone else?"

"No," Ren shook her head.

Ruby had lied in her response to that question earlier and was uncomfortable at it being brought up again.

"You've had sex at home, during the day, while your parents were there?"

"With Charlotte, yes."

"And had sex at someone else's house, during the day, while their parents were home?"

"Again, Charlotte."

"Eight: Have you ever…" he hesitated. "Well, this one is just too dirty, I can't repeat it. But you all know which one it is."

"Yeah," everyone replied, laughing.

"With Tawny," Ren replied, flashing her sexy smirk at the younger girl.

"She did, I can attest to that," Tawny said, biting her lip as she recalled the first time she was with Ren.

"And you've had sex at school?"

"Again, with Tawny," Ren answered, smirking at the younger girl.

"Which answers question ten: who's slept with Tawny."

"Well, well," Ruby shook her head. "I have underestimated you, Ren."

"Yeah, you have," she nodded.

"Ok, well, all this sex talk is making me tired…and horny," Lukas said, getting to his feet. "Twitty, Tom and I have decided to kick you out tonight. Bye!" He grabbed Tom by the arm and the two of them bolted off to the tent.

The others laughed.

"That's ok," Brandi said, pulling Twitty to his feet. "You'll come stay with me."

Louis and Ruby glanced at each other for a moment, then followed suit, quickly hurrying off to their own tent.

Ren and Tawny remained sitting out by the fire, neither having quite registered everything as every one had run off so fast.

"Ok, well," Tawny started. "Where are we supposed to sleep then?"

"In the car, I guess," Ren got to her feet. "Tom has left it unlocked all week."

"In the car?" Tawny asked, clearly not thrilled with the idea.

"We could always barge in on Brandi and Twitty," Ren suggested, moving toward the car as she spoke.

Tawny got up and followed her.

She climbed into the front passenger seat, and Ren took the back.

They both tried to sleep, shifting around for comfort, both shivering.

Ren found a blanket under the seat in front of her and pulled it out, quickly checking around for others. There was just the one. She leaned forward, resting her chin on the shoulder of the passenger seat. "Come back here with me."

"What?" Tawny asked, turning toward the sound of Ren's voice, but startled to find her so close.

"I have a blanket, but there's only one," Ren explained. "So, come back here."

Tawny hesitated a moment. "I'm fine."

"No, you're not," Ren argued, reaching her hand forward and touching Tawny's arm. "You're freezing."

"I…just have poor circulation," Tawny replied lamely.

"Tawny!" Ren snapped with frustration, irked with the younger girl's stubborness. She shoved her arms down behind Tawny's back and hooked her under the arms, forcefully dragging her into the backseat. She wrapped her arms around Tawny and pulled the blanket close.

"I _do_ have poor circulation," Tawny muttered.

"Of course," Ren replied.

They lay there in silence for several minutes before Ren spoke up again. "Tawny?"

"Yeah?"

"What…" Ren hesitated, unsure of her word choice. "What is wrong with you?"

"What?" Tawny asked, confused, and slightly offended.

"Why have you been…What's going on with you? What's wrong?" Ren asked again. "And don't say nothing, because I know that's not true."

Tawny didn't reply.

"You can talk to me, you know," Ren said.

"I know," Tawny responded.

"So…do it."

"I don't have anything to say," Tawny mumbled.

Ren rolled her eyes and pressed on. "Why won't you date me?"

"I just can't," Tawny responded, almost mechanically.

"Why not?"

"Because."

"Tawny," Ren persisted.

"I just…can't," Tawny maintained. "I have too much other stuff going on… I can't handle a relationship."

"But whoring around is fulfilling?"

"It would be more fulfilling if you were included," she replied.

"Of course it would," Ren said. "But seriously, you never struck me as the type of person…"

"I never struck me as the type either, but maybe I am."

"And maybe you aren't," Ren countered.

"I don't know," Tawny conceded. "But I don't want a relationship with you—or anyone—either way."

"I think you should give me a chance," Ren continued.

"You aren't listening to me," Tawny sighed.

"Yes, I am. You don't want a relationship. You have too much else going on—even though you won't say what that is. But still, you should give me a chance. I could help with whatever is going on. I could be good for you. I _would_ be good for you."

"You would be good for me?" Tawny asked. "You're so sure?"

"Well, a little Ren Stevens is good for anybody," Ren replied with a smile, squeezing the younger girl into a tighter hug.

"You're pretty in to yourself," Tawny said, laughing a little.

"You would be too, if you were me," Ren said, laughing. "No, I just think I would be good for you. And _to_ you."

"I know you'd be good to me," Tawny said. "That's not the problem. I told you way back in April that you shouldn't take this rejection personally. It has nothing to do with you."

"Ah, the old 'it's not you, it's me'," Ren sighed.

"Yeah, basically."

"And so you want me to back off?"

Tawny sighed. "I'm sorry about snapping at you the other night. I was just…"

"It's ok, I've been sexually harassing you for months, you could press charges for some of the things I've done," Ren laughed. "Please don't."

Tawny laughed. "We'll see."

After a little while, the two fell fast asleep, and slept all the way through until morning.

The next morning everyone was in high spirits as they packed up their belongings and returned to Sacramento.


	24. Movie Night

**A/N:** Coincidentally enough, **TriXter21**, chapter 25 should have SOMETHING. : -) So hold on, faithful readers! Hey, really, even 24 here has a little something too...

**Chapter Twenty-Four: Movie Night**

Tawny sat staring at the bright computer screen, defeated. A gray box had appeared with a dismal message and had only given her one option: click Ok. And once she clicked. The same box instantly appeared. And again, and again, and again… The battle had raged on for several seconds before Tawny had to concede... the computer had won.

_And this is why Ren won the bonus and you didn't_, she thought, with a sigh. Her father wouldn't be pleased, but then, she didn't really care if he was or not. Today was her last day at work, and that's what mattered. School started in less than two weeks.

The last two weeks, the weeks after the camping trip, had been better than the rest in that Ren had eased up a bit. She didn't make it a point to flirt with Brandi in front of Tawny, or ever, from what Tawny could tell. Brandi was slightly offended, having been hoping, somewhere in her mind, that Ren had a little interest in her and wasn't only using her. But this offense was dampened by her new fling with Twitty. Also the little time Tom would've had free was now spent with Lukas. And with everyone else hooking up, Tawny's desire for Ren only grew. Maybe that's why Ren backed off, simply because the forces of nature all seemed to be working in her favor anyway…

They'd had lunch together a couple of times, actually. Very casual, just…as friends. Though Ren made it a point to treat her the second time. To say that she'd backed off completely would be a lie, she just wasn't being as aggressive about it. She still made it clear that she was interested and that she knew Tawny was too.

She'd also started to make more of an effort at just being friends with Tawny now too, though. So perhaps that was all she was doing now, and Tawny was simply interpreting it as her continued interest and pursuit. Ren seemed to be very concerned about Tawny, and she didn't do much to hide that.

Both the lunch outings had been full of her subtle attempts at getting Tawny to open up, to shed a little light on whatever it was that was bugging her. Ren usually did this by bringing up her own problems in various areas, hoping to get Tawny to share a similar story or at least to make her feel like she wasn't the only one with problems, that there were others she could talk to.

Near the end of the second meal, Tawny had simply called her on it. "I know you're trying to get me to pour my deep, dark secrets to you, Ren. It's not going to happen."

Ren smiled back at her, not surprised at having been caught in her antics. She shrugged and gave her credit card and the receipt to the waiter.

"Hey," Tawny had interjected. "I didn't put my money in."

"That's ok, I've got you," Ren nodded.

_Trying to make this date-like, huh? _Tawny thought, half-smiling. "Well, thanks, then. I'll treat you next time."

"Ok," Ren smirked.

_That had been just yesterday,_ Tawny recalled. Today she'd had lunch with Brandi. Being on better terms with Ren had allowed Tawny to forgive the other girl easier than she'd intended, though in all honesty Tawny had never been much of a grudge-holder. But she'd been pretty harsh with Brandi... what the girl had done had really struck a chord within Tawny.

The computer flashed a new grey box suddenly. "Huh?" Tawny muttered, leaning forward to read the tiny black font. But before she had a chance the screen turned entirely blue and the computer shut down and restarted itself. "Damn it."

She felt two warm hands on her shoulders then, squeezing them tight. "Having troubles?"

She leaned her head back over the back of the chair and looked up at Ren. "Yeah. I don't know what they are though."

"Ah," Ren nodded. "The theme of your life, no?"

"Ha, maybe," Tawny laughed.

Ren squeezed Tawny's shoulders again, her hands slowly starting to massage the younger girl's upper back.

Tawny closed her eyes and relaxed as Ren's fingers pressed and rubbed over her shoulders and neck. In her mind's eye Ren was touching her in so many other places…

But suddenly Ren stopped and dropped down to her knees, moving beside Tawny and taking the computer mouse in hand. "Ok, did it have the little gray box that kept popping up when you clicked OK? Brandi had this problem earlier this week. I'll show you what to do…"

Tawny crossed her arms, disappointed, but tried to focus on what the older girl was instructing. _I wanted her to back off, and now that she has…I want her to give me a massage… go figure…_

After Ren had finished explaining, she took a seat on the desk, facing Tawny.

"What?" Tawny asked, not entirely comfortable with the brown-eyed girl staring down at her while she finished up the date entry. "Don't you have work to do?"

"No, it's after five," Ren said, pointing to the clock on the wall. "Most people have gone home. But you're running a little behind. And it's really hot out, so I thought I'd give you a ride home so you don't have to walk."

Tawny nodded. "Thanks."

About half an hour passed before she had punched in the final digits. Leaning back in her chair and stretching, she let out a long sigh of relief. "Ok. Done."

The two of them clocked out for the last time and headed out to the parking lot. It was scorching, even after five in the evening air was near one hundred degrees.

They pulled open the doors to Ren's car, waiting several seconds while the stuffy hot air escaped the vehicle before climbing in.

"Thanks for giving me ride," Tawny said, buckling herself in. "I really… I'm not a hot-weather person at all."

"I figured," Ren grinned, turning the key in the ignition. "You rarely dress weather-appropriate."

Tawny shrugged. "I don't like summer clothes."

"What about at home? Do you at least dress comfortably there?" Ren asked, driving them out of the parking lot.

"Who says I don't dress comfortably?" Tawny replied. "I am perfectly comfortable."

"Oh, well, forgive me," Ren said in mock sincerity.

"Hey, you said the other day, when we were having lunch, that you'd never seen _Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind_, right?"

"No, I haven't," Ren confirmed.

"You should come over and watch it," Tawny suggested, though a voice in the back of her mind objected, just because Ren had eased up, didn't mean she could, or should, lower her defenses. "I think you might like it."

Ren nodded. "Sure, when?"

"Are you busy tonight?" Tawny offered.

"No, I'm not. Are you sure your parents won't mind?"

"They're not home," Tawny replied. They had both left for business earlier and she had no idea when they would be home. They'd both stopped informing her of their arrivals and departures weeks before. Apparently leaving a note on the fridge had become too cumbersome a task for them to handle.

"Ok," Ren shrugged, excited at the prospect of spending the evening with Tawny. It would provide ample time to work at the girl, maybe figure out what was at the bottom of all the angst and misery—though Tawny had been a bit better at concealing those feelings lately, Ren was confident they hadn't dissolved. "Why not then?"

A few minutes later they pulled over in front of Tawny's house.

On the front porch, Tawny fumbled nervously for her key—not that she had any real reason to be nervous, she knew, but being in this position with Ren again had only served to bring back the rush of emotions it had originally created. She unlocked the door and they entered.

Tawny lead the way into the kitchen and living room area, gesturing for Ren to take a seat on the couch. "Do you want anything to drink?" She considered running upstairs and grabbing the bottle of vodka she'd stolen from her parents weeks before for the camping trip-- she'd been gradually sipping away at it over the past three weeks. But Ren probably wouldn't have liked that anyway. _She_ could have some though... _Ren probably wouldn't like that either. Whatever, you don't need a drink right now._

"Sure, I'll have some water," Ren replied, sitting down and sinking into the comfy leather sofa. "Thank you."

"Of course," Tawny answered, handing Ren a cold glass of water. "Here you go."

She set her own glass of lemonade on a coaster on the oak coffee table in front of them, and knelt in front of the TV, scanning a neatly arranged row of DVDs beneath it. A few seconds later, she pulled out the appropriate case and opened it, slipping the DVD into the player and returning to the couch.

"I've heard this is a pretty weird movie," Ren said, looking at Tawny for some response.

"Yeah, it is, you'll want to pay attention," Tawny nodded.

They were sitting about half a foot apart on the sofa, much closer than they needed to be to each other, but far enough that neither worried the other would accuse them of 'trying to make a move'. However, as the movie progressed, both of them made subtle movements and worked at being just a little closer—they were both discreet enough that neither realized the other was doing the same thing. And by the time the end credits rolled, they were in direct contact with each other. Ren had even been so bold as to slide her arm across the back of the sofa, behind Tawny.

"It was…interesting," Ren forced, honestly not sure what to make of the film, and more interested in Tawny's proximity to her anyway. Undoubtedly her distraction with the younger girl had prevented her from focusing on the film long enough to have any idea what was going on.

Tawny rolled her eyes and smiled. "You and Louis do have some things in common, it seems."

"What?" Ren gasped, seeming genuinely offended.

"He didn't like this movie either," she replied.

"I didn't say I didn't like it," Ren countered. "I said it was interesting. I wasn't focused enough. I'd have to watch it again to make a definitive judgment."

"Ah, I see," Tawny nodded. "I told you that you had to pay attention."

"I was distracted," Ren confessed, a sly grin playing on her lips.

"With what?" Tawny asked, looking at the older girl, sincerely perplexed. "There was nothing else going on in the room."

Ren said nothing, only sighed, looking into Tawny's bright eyes.

Tawny caught on then, but likewise said nothing.

It seemed forever that they stared at each other, a little awkwardly, in complete silence, before Tawny decided to go for it and make a move. She leaned in, too quickly for Ren to reject her, and their lips met briefly, only a second before they were interrupted by the loud slam of the door leading to the garage through the laundry room, which was adjacent to the living room.

Tawny inhaled quickly, pulling away from Ren and grabbing the older girl by the arm. They bolted into the entry way, out of immediate site of Tawny's mother or father, whichever one had come in.

"Tawny," Ren whispered, only to be shushed by the blue-eyed girl's hand on her mouth. Tawny made to open the front door as quietly as she could.

"Joanne isn't home until tomorrow, Anna," Roger's voice came from the living room, and they heard another set of feet enter the room. "And besides, she knows about us anyway."

"What about your daughter, is she here?" a woman asked.

"I don't know, don't really care," he said. "I'm done with this family. I never wanted it to begin with. And Tawny's been more trouble than she's worth lately. Stupid brat left the TV on."

Tawny bit her lip and pulled open the front door, pushing Ren out before her and closing it behind them.

"Tawny," Ren turned back to face her. "Wha-"

"Go home, Ren," Tawny interrupted, blinking a few times to keep from tearing up. "Go home."

"Are you ok?" Ren asked lamely.

"I'm fine," Tawny replied, a little angry. "I'd be better if you'd have sex with me. But I'm fine."

"Tawny," Ren pressed, her voice full of concern.

"Go home," Tawny repeated coldly, quickly turning and reentering her home, shutting the door on Ren.

Ren sighed. She crossed the lawn to her car and headed home.


	25. With Or Without You

**A/N: **So, I'm really not much of a U2 fan, but I like a couple of their songs. And I had my iTunes on shuffle as I wrote this chapter and the song this is named after came on. It struck me as very fitting. But I did not write it. The credit for it belongs entirely to U2. Clear? Sue me not.

**Chapter Twenty-Five: With Or Without You**

Ruby's birthday happened to fall on the last Sunday before school started. So, naturally, she planned a blow-out for Saturday, convincing her far-too-lax mother to visit relatives… or something. Her mom knew full well that there'd be a party, but as long as everything was cleaned up and no one got hurt, she didn't care. So far, Ruby had managed to meet these two requirements every time. And at this party she'd upped the ante, hiring live music—an emo garage rock band from school.

Several guests had arrived already, but the house was by no means full. And most of the important people hadn't shown up yet—them being Louis, Tawny, and the rest of the gang.

Ruby was wearing a blue summer dress, making the punch in the kitchen and Ren, in faded jeans and a white top, sat on the island across from the birthday girl, her legs swinging a little. She'd been trying to get a hold of Tawny for the last week and had had no luck. She'd even gone to the girl's house a couple times—each time to hear Tawny come to the door and then leave, presumably after looking through the peep-hole. But the stubborn younger girl would be here tonight, or so Lukas had promised. Hopefully she'd talk… Ren sighed at the thought. _Why should I think she'll suddenly open up? She's as stubborn as I am… maybe more…_

She sighed again, and looked over at her friend. "Need any help, Ruby?"

"Nope," Ruby shook her head, grinning happily. "This is my _special_ mix, if you know what I mean."

Ren nodded, not intrigued. Of course she knew what Ruby meant. Everybody knew. She looked at her friend, considering for a moment to discuss the Tawny situation with her. But it didn't seem right. Obviously Tawny had been very secretive about the whole thing. So her father was having an affair? So he was an unmitigated asshole? These were the problems, or some of them anyway. And of course there was the matter of the barely-kiss that they'd had… _Did she think I'd just give in? Well, I **did** kiss her back… but I wouldn't have gone any further…would I? _Ren shook her head. _No, I've gotten used to waiting. I can wait as long as she needs me to. But I shouldn't slip up like that again, I don't want to lead her on._

"Ooh, Louis is here," Ruby squealed, running around the island to greet her curly-haired boyfriend. "Hey!"

"Hey birthday girl!" he exclaimed, lifting her from the ground.

Ren hopped off the counter. _Tawny should be coming with him and Twitty…_

Sure enough, Tawny entered shortly after, followed by Twitty, Brandi, Lukas, and Tom. She was wearing a black top with see-through sleeves over a red tank top, and black pants. So much black for early September in California, Ren thought, though she thought the blue-eyed girl looked as gorgeous as ever.

Ren wasted no time in trying to talk to Tawny. She poured a cup of punch and approached her. "Hey."

Tawny turned, not seeming surprised to see Ren, nor particularly excited. "Hey," she said plainly, crossing her arms.

Ren smiled nervously and held up the cup.

Tawny hesitated, but took the drink. "Thanks."

Ren nodded. "So…"

"I haven't returned your calls, I don't answer the door when you come over," Tawny said. "I think you are intelligent enough to interpret these things correctly."

"Tawny," Ren protested.

"I don't want to talk about it," Tawny insisted. "I don't. I'm not going to. That's it. So, back off."

She pushed past Ren and forced herself to look happy as she tried to mingle with other guests. Maybe find a suitable partner for the night…

Ren frowned, her hands planted firmly on her hips.

Meanwhile, the others gathered around the punch, serving themselves and their partners.

"So, you two seem to have hit it off really well," Ruby said to Tom, grinning.

"Yes, we certainly have," Tom laughed.

Lukas grinned and nodded as well. "It sucks he's going to be in San Diego again in a few days."

"Well I have more of a reason to visit frequently now," Tom said.

"That you do," Lukas beamed, kissing Tom on the cheek.

"So cute," Ruby remarked, then turning her attention to Brandi. "And you and Twitty? Are you guys sex-buddies or what?"

"We're officially a couple!" Brandi said, trying to seem casual and cool, but unable to hide the excitement in her voice. "He asked me to be his girlfriend a couple days ago."

"Oh my God!" Ruby squealed. "That's so great!"

"I know!" Brandi laughed.

"Wait," Louis interrupted their conversation. "Twitty is only seeing you now? He's not… what?" He left without letting them respond, seeking out his tall, blond friend. "Hey, many, what's the I hear about you and Brandi?"

"Oh, dude," Twitty laughed. "Yeah, we're together now. Like officially. She's my girl. As of Thursday night."

"So, you're done with all the other girls?" Louis asked, unbelieving.

"Yeah," Twitty nodded with a shrug. "It's pointless when you only have eyes for one girl."

"Someone should tell Tawny that," Lukas said, appearing by their side.

"Really," Brandi agreed, also seeming to pop out of nowhere.

They all laughed.

"Speaking of Tawny…" Lukas glanced around. "Where is she?"

* * *

Tawny had helped herself to Ruby's mother's liquor cabinet, and had only managed to down four shots of vodka before Ren found her with the bottle, alone in the laundry room sitting on top of the dryer.

Frowning, the older girl took the bottle away, sealing it and setting it on the counter behind her.

Tawny tilted her head to the side. "You're still going to try and make me talk. You're probably going to try and take advantage of my being a little tipsy now."

Ren shook her head. "Come out to the party, you shouldn't be alone."

"Why not? I'm a big girl," Tawny replied, smirking. "You're worried about me again?"

"Yes," Ren nodded, pulling Tawny down from the dryer. "Come on."

Tawny didn't put up any resistance to Ren leading her back out to the kitchen and living room areas. She leaned heavily on the taller girl as they made their way to the counter.

They stood there for several minutes, pretending to be involved in whatever conversation was taking place.

In actuality, Ren was entirely concentrated on making sure Tawny didn't drink anymore, as four consecutive shots was more than enough for a girl her size, and making sure she stayed standing. She stood beside her with an arm wrapped protectively around the middle of the younger girl.

Tawny just stared off into nothingness, occasionally attempting to get another shot or sip of something being passed around or offered, not because she really wanted it so much as she enjoyed watching Ren's efforts at deflecting any and all alcohol that came their way. She enjoyed the protection Ren was offering up, though she didn't feel she needed it.

After awhile the buzz started to wear off, though the slightly light-headed sensation remained with her. They'd stood there at the counter, fake-socializing, for over an hour.

"You know," Ren whispered in her ear. "I don't need you to give me any specific details, really. I just…tell me what's wrong… what's bothering you… let me help you."

"I don't need help," Tawny replied mechanically.

Re furrowed her brow. "Don't lie to me."

"Then listen to me when I tell you the truth: I don't want to talk about it."

Ren sighed with resignation. "Fine."

"Thanks," Tawny said. "Now let's see how long you can actually do it for."

Ren rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. _She doesn't want to talk about it… yet. Fine. I can wait. I've been waiting for months now. But I'm not about to let her wander off with some stranger again for the night. I can't just stand guard over her though… that's too obvious. Although, she knows how I feel so…no point in hiding it really. But it would be more effective. She should loosen up, have some fun… maybe then, if she's comfortable, she'll feel like talking._

"Come here," she said, pulling the younger girl after her over near the dance floor.

"No, I don't want to dance tonight," Tawny said, shaking her head.

"We're not going to dance," Ren said.

Tawny looked at her, a bit puzzled. "Well, then--"

Ren gestured to a television with a microphone hooked up to it. "Ruby wanted me to start some karaoke. It gets too hot with so much dancing. And the band is going to take a break. She thought we could have a karaoke intermission. After they finish this song, we're going to sing something…"

"Ha, _we're_ going to sing something?" Tawny smirked. "No chance in hell."

"Come on," Ren smiled. "It's the least you can do since you aren't sleeping with me."

Tawny's jaw dropped. "Very funny."

"Seriously," Ren pressed.

"Seriously no," Tawny replied.

"Here's the book," Ren said, lifting if off a table with her one free hand—the other gripped Tawny's arm tightly, forbidding the younger girl to make a dash for it. She pulled her down onto the floor, against the wall. "Pick a song."

"I'll pick one for you to sing," Tawny said, taking the book. "But I'm not singing one."

"Sure, you are," Ren said.

"You can sing, I can't," Tawny replied. "It would be cruel to everyone else here, making them listen to me."

Ren laughed. "You can sing fine. And we'll sing together anyway, so we'll both sound even better."

"Again, very funny, you know, you're on a roll tonight."

Ren rolled her eyes. "Come on, sing with me."

Tawny shook her head. "I'll just listen to you."

"Fine," she sighed. "You… promise me you'll be here when I get back? I mean, you aren't going to wander off and get smashed in the laundry room again or anything?"

Tawny rolled her eyes. "No, I want to hear you sing."

"Did you pick a song?"

"No," Tawny looked back at the book. "I don't care what you sing, though. You're singing, you should pick something you like."

"Well, I should probably start with a louder song, huh? I like slower songs usually…Let me see the book."

Ren flipped through several pages before finding a song, just in time as the band's frontman announced they'd be taking a break for half an hour. "This one is good, it's in between. Slow, but not too slow. Not a great opener, but good enough. Now, you better be here when I get back. Promise?"

Tawny nodded. "I promise."

She got up and went over to the television and got the karaoke system running. "Hey everybody," her voice echoed through the microphone. "While the band takes a breather, we've got some quality entertainment for you. Nothing better than some good ol' karaoke to really get a party going… or at least get a few laughs. Ok, so, I'm starting this off, I guess. I'm going to do an older U2 song…one of my favorites…one of the only U2 songs I really like, actually. It's appropriate for right now, for me."

She pushed a couple buttons and the music started, a twinkling guitar and thumping bass, with simple percussion…

Tawny recognized "With or Without You" right away, not that she was much of a U2 fan either, though she didn't not like them, but everyone knew this song. Why was it appropriate for Ren?

Ren was blushing a little, but she wasn't shy, and once she got started singing, she got into it, giving a performance most in the room would be reluctant to follow.

_See the stone set in your eyes  
See the thorn twist in your side  
I wait for you _

Sleight of hand and twist of fate  
On a bed of nails she makes me wait  
And I wait without you

With or without you  
With or without you

Through the storm we reach the shore  
You give it all but I want more  
And I'm waiting for you

With or without you  
With or without you  
I can't live  
With or without you

Tawny sighed, crossing her arms—not angry, just…sad, really.

_  
And you give yourself away  
And you give yourself away  
And you give  
And you give  
And you give yourself away _

My hands are tied  
My body bruised, she's got me with  
Nothing to win and  
Nothing left to lose

"I wonder if Tawny gets this," Lukas mused, turning to Twitty, who simply shrugged.

_  
And you give yourself away  
And you give yourself away  
And you give  
And you give  
And you give yourself away_

Tawny frowned, tempted to leave, but not wanting to since she'd promised she'd stay.

With or without you  
With or without you  
I cant live  
With or without you

With or without you  
With or without you  
I cant live  
With or without you  
With or without you

The upbeat guitar faded out as the song ended, Ren, out of breath, received a resounding applause. "So, who's next?"

At first no one volunteered, but then Lukas rushed forward and took the mic.

"What was that?" Tawny asked, as Ren sat down beside her again.

"I was expressing my frustrations through someone else's music, that's what it was," Ren replied, smirking.

Tawny looked away, not really sure how she felt about the whole thing.

"Tawny?" Ren nudged her. "Why won't you talk to me?"

Tawny just shook her head and got to her feet. She walked off, disappearing down the hallway.

Ren promptly followed her.

"Tawny?" she asked, pushing in a half-open bedroom door, and closing it behind her. "What are you doing?"

Tawny was standing near a window, looking outside. She frowned, turning to Ren. "You're just going to follow me everywhere?"

"I wasn't trying to upset you," Ren said, taking a seat on the bed.

Tawny just shook her head and stared back out the window.

"You're a complicated girl, you know that?"

Tawny half laughed.

"What's so funny?"

Tawny shrugged. "Nothing. I've just…nothing. I've been here since 8, it's midnight. I've stayed long enough that it won't look like I'm bailing if I leave now, right?"

Ren got up, ignoring what Tawny had asked, and moved over to the window. She sat on the ledge, placing herself in between Tawny and the glass, grabbing the younger girl by both arms so she couldn't leave. "I want you to be ok."

"I know you do," Tawny said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I know."

"Why won't you let me help you?"

"Because you can't," Tawny replied. "You think you can, but you can't. And I can take care of myself."

"By getting drunk and sleeping with a ton of random people?"

Tawny frowned.

"Well?"

"No," she answered grudgingly. "Being around you doesn't help me though. When I'm with you, I…I don't want to just talk with you, Ren. There are lots of other things I want to do. And I can't stand sitting here knowing I can just talk with you. I want more than that alone from you."

"I want more from you too," Ren replied.

Tawny looked away, over Ren's head. "I can't give you what you want right now. I can't. And I can't explain that in any way that you will accept."

Ren nodded. "So, it seems we're remaining at an impasse."

"So it seems," Tawny agreed, making to move away from Ren then, but finding the older girl's grip tightened on her arms, holding her there.

Ren hesitated only a moment, before releasing Tawny's arms and moving her hands up to the sides of the girl's face. She pulled Tawny's head down to her and their lips met.

Tawny moved her hands up into Ren's hair, and Ren dropped hers down to Tawny's lower back, pulling her as close as she could.

* * *

"Ok," Louis stood up on the island. "I have an important announcement to make!"

It took several seconds before he managed to quiet everyone down and make sure they were listening.

"Today is my girlfriend, Ruby Mendel…it's her birthday!"

"Happy birthday!" Several people shouted.

"This is her party, but today, Sunday, September 4th, is her birthday. Yeah, it's Sunday now. It's 12:39. And today, I wanted to tell her something, something very special! I wanted to tell her that I love her. I am in love with her!" his speech was slightly slurred, but he was sincere.

The crowd cheered and let out a chorus of "aww".

"You see, I liked her way back at the beginning of the year, but I never thought it would be more than a crush, you know? 'Cause you don't really think about that. And my best friend, Twitty, he sleeps with lots of girls—well, not anymore, because he's found his special someone too! And I was jealous of him, getting all the girls, until I got with Ruby! She's amazing and being with her is better than being with however many girls Twitty could get at a party like this! No offense, man!" he called over to his best friend, grinning. "I'm not trying to trash you! Plenty of guys would love the life you had. I didn't need it though. Because I have Ruby. And, if you could be with her, even for just one night, you'd know how much better it is. I hope you can feel at least a little bit of what I feel for her, for your girl. Because it's amazing! So, I'm just trying to say, happy birthday, Ruby, I love you!"

Ruby, the emotional girl that she way, couldn't help tearing up, though her and Twitty had exchanged a meaningful, pained look in the midst of Louis' speech that hadn't gone unnoticed by Brandi or Lukas.

The audience cheered some more and Louis hopped off the island, taking Ruby in his arms and kissing her, to which the crowd cheered some more.

A few minutes later the band took the stage again, forcing the last of a chain of awful karaoke performers away.

Meanwhile, down the hall, in one of the couple occupied bedrooms, Ren dressed herself.

"Where are you going?" Tawny asked from the bed, where she was lying naked under the sheets, her clothes forming something of a path from the window to the bed.

"Home," Ren replied bitterly, as she buttoned her shirt.

"Ren," Tawny crawled over to the older girl, slipping her arms around her waist. "Stay."

"No," Ren answered curtly, pulling Tawny's arms away from her and getting up.

"Why not?" Tawny asked, her voice very close to cracking in her anguish at the thought of Ren leaving her there.

"Why should I?" Ren hissed, unable to hide her anger. It was all at herself, rather than Tawny, though she was taking it out on the younger girl. She'd been in control, completely in control. And she just…let go. She gave in. She'd resisted for months, only to fail.

"Please," Tawny begged her from behind, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her back to the bed. "Stay." She kissed Ren's temple, then her cheek, then her neck. "Stay here, with me."

Ren bit her lip in agony, pressing her eyes closed before forcing out a reply. "No. You got your meaningless sex with me, why should I stay?" Ren asked, glaring at Tawny. _I shouldn't be so mad at you, this is my fault_, she thought, trying to soften her temper, but finding she couldn't.

"It's not meaningless," Tawny whispered.

Ren didn't hear her, and wouldn't have listened anyway. "I feel cheap and dirty and low. It's great, really, Tawny. Can't imagine why I didn't give in to this sooner." She stood up again and headed toward the door.

"Ren, wait," Tawny tried one last time. "Please, let's talk."

"No," Ren said, pulling open the door and stepping out into the hall. She looked back at Tawny. "I've given you _exactly_ what you wanted from me."

Ren closed the door behind her quickly and slipped out of the party.

Tawny laid back down, unable to stop the tears from streaming down her face.


	26. Back To School

**A/N: **Sorry for the delay… I had something of a creative crisis, and I wasn't sure where to take the story. I had three possibilities. But now I have chosen what I decided was the best course of action, and it so happens to be what the original plan was eons ago. So it seems I didn't need to edit it as many times as I did, since in the end it came out the same anyway.

**Chapter Twenty-Six: Back To School**

Ren sighed, slouching in her chair, very uncharacteristically.

Her English teacher, Ms. Raden, gave her a quick, perplexed glance. She'd had Ren in her class the year before and was used to seeing the girl sitting upright, with excellent posture, listening attentively—even if it was the first day of school and she'd heard the protocols for classroom behavior, academic dishonesty, and other such things that were discussed annually when the new school year began so many times that she knew them by heart. But today, she was doodling. Ren Stevens was doodling! Ms. Raden experienced a brief chill and wondered, for a moment, if Hell had frozen over.

Ren was merely reflecting, for the millionth time, on the events of the weekend. Most specifically, her…encounter with Tawny. Her rage had subsided, for the most part, but her disgust at herself had not. But it didn't matter…what mattered was that she had enjoyed it. The base, shallow thing that it was hadn't at all hindered her enjoyment. She had told herself: _Of course you enjoyed it, how would you not? It's sex. It's Tawny. How can you blame yourself for enjoying it? Be angry for giving in, not angry for enjoying it._

Except she'd thought she wouldn't enjoy it. She thought it too shallow to enjoy. If it was enjoyable, then maybe Tawny was right. Maybe it was something she could do. Maybe it wasn't that bad.

_No, that doesn't make sense. Just because it's enjoyable doesn't mean it's right_, Ren's thinking persisted._ But maybe this wasn't **that** wrong. It wasn't really cheating or anything, as all involved were consenting. It was more like…an open relationship. Really, it's my jealousy that's the issue… I don't want to share Tawny. I want her for myself._

The bell rang, interrupting her thoughts and signaling the end of second period. Break time.

Ren met up with Ruby in the hallway.

"Hey," Ruby greeted her friend. "I have a very big problem."

"Yeah?" Ren asked, trying to sound interested and concerned, and hating herself for being so preoccupied with her own problems not to care about her friend's.

"Well, I've been thinking for a few days now," Ruby began. "You remember how I told you about my birthday, Louis said he loved me?"

Ren nodded, pained at the mention of the party.

"Well, I love him too," Ruby said. "And I haven't told him that yet because…"

"Because?"

"The whole thing with Twitty."

Ren stopped and turned to Ruby. "What about it?"

"Should I tell Louis?"

"_Now_?" Ren asked. "_Now_ you're considering this?"

"Well, _now_ he loves me."

"Exactly, now he loves you," Ren replied. "He's in. He's yours. Why would you want to ruin it?"

"Because, I feel like it just…needs to be said. It needs to come out. And since he says he loves me, we can work through it."

Ren sighed, shaking her head. "I don't know how much he's going to love you after you tell him."

Ruby glared at Ren, hurt. "If he really _loves_ me, really _wants_ me--"

"If he really wants you, he'd stay with you no matter how much it hurts him," Ren finished her sentence. "If he really loves you, he'll stay. But if you really loved him…"

"I do love him," Ruby cried indignantly, causing something of a scene. "It happens months ago!"

"Ok, ok," Ren said, gesturing for Ruby to calm down. "Sorry."

Ruby nodded. "If he really wants to be with me, if he's in love with me, we can get around this, right?"

"Right," Ren nodded. "Right. The truth will probably come out sooner or later anyways. Better it comes from you."

"Then I'll tell him…tonight."

"Ok," Ren sighed, deciding then to seek Ruby's advice on her own problem. "I slept with Tawny again."

"WHAT? WHEN? WHERE? DETAILS!" Ruby shrieked.

Ren pulled her behind a stairwell, gesturing for her to keep quiet again. "At your party."

"WHAT? And it took you four days to tell me?!"

"Sorry, I've been thinking," Ren shrugged. "It's just…"

"Are you guys together now then, finally?"

"No," Ren sighed. _Finally_. Everyone was waiting for Tawny. "I just…lost it. I just messed up."

"What do you mean you messed up?" Ruby questioned, confused.

"By sleeping with her," Ren clarified. "I've resisted all summer and now…I just couldn't help myself."

"You're only human, Ren," Ruby said, putting a hand on her friend's shoulder. "Believe me, your restraint has been extremely impressive."

"I can't keep saying 'No' to her if she knows I'll just give in eventually," Ren shook her head. "But if I really want her…maybe I need to make a compromise."

Ruby raised her eyebrow. "Really now?"

"Really," Ren nodded, though she didn't seem too thrilled at the idea.

* * *

"She won't answer my calls," Tawny said, exasperated, as she stopped Lukas in the hall on the way to the cafeteria. "It's been four days."

"Leave her alone then," he replied, unusually coldly.

"Lukas," Tawny protested.

"What, Tawny?" he snapped.

She was taken aback by his anger. She'd never seen him mad before.

"How do you expect her to feel? Honestly? She doesn't do casual, Tawny. You know that. And just because you want her…Forget it. I have nothing to say. I wouldn't want to talk to you if I was her either." He marched away from her.

"_She_ kissed me!" Tawny insisted. "_She _started it this time. And the first time. She made the move."

"Well, you know how she really feels, you took advantage!" Lukas called back at her.

"I couldn't help it," Tawny muttered to herself, under her breath, distraught at the realization.

Upset, she made her way to the cafeteria where she joined Louis and Twitty at their usual table. "Hey," she mumbled, dropped her sack lunch on the table and taking a seat.

"Hey," Twitty nodded back, noticing Tawny's angry demeanor. "Having a bad day?"

"Yes, a bad week so far, actually," she replied bitterly.

"Well, that's too bad," Louis chimed in. "But I am having a great day! A great week! You know, when you're in love the sky really is bluer."

"Oh, shut up," Tawny quipped, biting into her sandwich.

"Hey, just because you can't nail Ren doesn't mean you need to take it out on me," he started to sing then. "Just because _you can't get no satisfaction_…"

"Dude, seriously," Twitty interrupted him, nodding at Tawny as if to say: she's pissed, why are you messing with her?

"Tawny dumped me, man. Just think, if you hadn't, maybe we'd both be happy. But instead, it's just me with my perfect life, and you with nothing, that's all I'm saying."

"Perfect? You think Ruby is perfect? You think _you_ are? Louis the Sex God, right? The natural?" Tawny growled. "Do you remember that party back at the beginning of summer?"

Twitty's eyes went wide and he shot a pleading glance at his enraged blue-eyed friend.

"Back when you thought you were such a hot shot in the sack, but you really weren't?"

Louis pursed his lips together, not at all liking Tawny bringing _that_ up, of all things.

"Well, you couldn't satisfy Ruby, so guess where she got her kicks at that party, Louis? Guess!"

Louis' mouth dropped open, but he said nothing.

"Twitty!" Tawny snapped. "They had sex that night! So, really, I think I'm in a much better place than you. At least I know what's going on." She shoved her chair back and rose, angrily hurrying out of the cafeteria.

Louis looked across the table at Twitty, his face covered in disbelief. Several tables around them had assumed silence, and all eyes were on them at this point. Twitty frantically searched his mind for something to say but nothing came.

"Is that true?" Louis asked, not bothering to hide the hurt in his voice.

Twitty hesitated. "We'd both had way too much to drink…"

"Oh my God," Louis gasped, pressing his forehead into his palms. "Oh my God."

"Dude, I'm sorry, you know I'd never do you like that," Twitty tried.

"Never? NEVER? You did, man! You fucking did!" Louis bellowed, jumping to his feet. "I can't believe this!"

"It was a mistake, we both knew that," Twitty said, getting to his feet as well. "Neither of us ever wanted to…"

Louis rushed around the side of the table and tackled Twitty before the blond could finish his sentence.

"Fight!" someone hollered.

Louis punched him twice in the face before Twitty managed to get out from under him. Twitty shoved Louis away from him forcefully and tried to make a break for it, but Louis grabbed him by the arm and punched him again, knocking him back down to the floor.

"Hey! Hey!" a teacher and security guard had appeared. "Break it up!"

* * *

Twitty wiped the blood from the side of his mouth, looking up at Louis who was standing above him, panting and staring back at him with an expression of the deepest hurt and anger.

_You're having a bad day, so why not ruin everyone else's?_ Tawny thought sarcastically, annoyed with herself. _You didn't need to tell him that. You didn't need to bring down Twitty and Ruby too. _She shook her head, as if to rid the thoughts from it._ Too late to care now…_ She'd spent the past four days trying to talk to Ren, but Ren didn't want to talk to her. _I didn't want to talk to her when she wanted to, I can't really blame her now… except that she wanted to talk about my personal problems. What I want to talk about concerns us both._ Tawny wandered aimlessly through the halls, lost in thought._ What do I want to talk about? I want to try, again, to convince her to give us a shot, as friends with benefits. Nothing more. I can't give her more. She has to understand that. But this way… she wants me, I know she does. And I want her. And we can be together if she could just get past her set-in-stone moral code and accept that it's the only option for us, if there's ever to be an 'us'. Because it is the only option for me…isn't it? _Tawny stopped in her tracks, contemplating. _Yes, yes it is. Right now, I can't handle a relationship... _She started moving again, not sure where she was going, or why she was in such a hurry to get there._ But everyone else seems to think it's just what I need… Maybe I—_

Her thoughts we interrupted when she turned a corner and had a head-on collision with none other than Ren Stevens.

Though she couldn't recall it exactly, Tawny must've been moving rather quickly because somehow she and Ren both ended up on the floor, Ren's papers scattered about them and generously absorbing her Starbucks Caramel Apple Cider which had spilled all about them as well.

"I'm sorry," Tawny hurriedly apologized, moving to gather Ren's things.

Ren didn't move though.

Tawny looked over at her, surprised to find the older girl lying back, propped up on her elbows giving her a crazy grin. "Ren?"

Ren didn't reply, though she laughed a little. _Maybe it's fate, _she thought_. Maybe… just go with it…_

Tawny's face took on a look of concern. "Did you hit your head or something?"

"No," Ren replied, vigorously shaking her head in refusal. "But I was looking for you."

"You were?" Tawny asked, numerous possibilities drifting through her head then.

"If I agree to your little 'friends with benefits' thing, would you promise to not ever sleep with a few certain people?" Ren asked, the grin fading from her lips. "Namely, Yvette, Charlotte, and, should the opportunity ever again present itself, Louis."

Tawny shifted, trying not to give away how surprised and, more importantly, excited she was. "I could do that."

"Then I think…maybe I'm ready to give it a try," Ren said, forcing a smile. _You'll get used to it. Maybe you'll learn to like it even, _she told herself.

"Seriously?" Tawny's greatest efforts couldn't keep the joy out of her voice.

Ren's smile came easier then, seeing how happy this made Tawny, no matter the aching pain she felt growing in her own chest. "Yes."

Tawny scrambled on top of Ren and kissed her passionately, tangling her hands up in the older girl's long hair.

"Hey! Hey!" the voice of a teacher intruded them in their moment. "Break it up!"


	27. Sloppy Seconds

**A/N:** Sorry for the lateness, but its been Dead Week, and next week is Finals, and then spring break, and I don't know about my plans yet. But basically, this could possibly be the last update until April. I might be able to post another on Monday, or later next week, and then the following week all depends on my plans. But there is a chance this fic will have to go on a bit of a hiatus. I'm not sure yet. We will see. Just thought I'd give you all a heads up. If you have alerts this doesn't matter anyway…

**Chapter Twenty-Seven: Sloppy Seconds**

Ren sighed and climbed out of Tawny's bed, making a great effort not to disturb the sleeping girl. She glanced at the clock: 6:32 AM. _Plenty of time to get home and shower before school, _she thought. She'd spent the majority of her nights at Tawny's for the past three weeks, and often overslept, but today she woke up on time.

She dressed herself, sitting back down on the bed to put on her shoes. She pulled one on and unintentionally stomped her foot on the floor.

Tawny shifted at the sound, opening her eyes to the dim morning light that was beginning to leak in through the window. She heard Ren moving around behind her and rolled over. "What are you doing?"

Ren half-turned, slightly startled. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't," Tawny lied. "What are you--"

"I'm going home, to shower and get changed," Ren interrupted.

"You can shower here," Tawny mumbled, reaching out and grabbing Ren's arm. She pulled the older girl backwards onto the bed, into her arms, kissing her on the cheek. "And you only wore that for, like, two hours last night. Just wear it today."

Ren sighed softly and turned her head to look up at Tawny. "You're awfully needy for a 'friend with benefits'. I thought this sort of thing was supposed to be a perk of this arrangement?"

Tawny smiled and kissed the older girl again, this time on the forehead. "I can make it worth your while to stay."

Ren half-laughed. _I know you can_, she thought. "If you want to talk—I mean really talk—I'll stay, otherwise I'm leaving."

Tawny rolled her eyes. It had taken nearly an hour for her to get Ren into bed the night before because the older girl had insisted on brining up the incident with her father and his mistress from nearly two months earlier. The condensed version of their conversation looked like this:

"Is that why you've been acting like this?"

"Like what?"

"You know what I mean."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Tawny--"

"You can do this all night; I'm _not_ talking about it."

And Ren had reluctantly given up.

"No?" Ren asked, hoping the girl would take her up on the proposition.

Tawny frowned. "See you in school."

"Later," Ren leaned up, giving Tawny a quick kiss on the lips and then slipping out of the room.

* * *

"It's been three weeks," Twitty said gloomily as Ruby approached him in the hall. "I've never gone more than three days without talking to Louis. He's never stayed mad at me for this long." 

"Well, this is different," she replied wearily.

"Yeah," Twitty ran his hand through his hair. "Brandi is still upset with me about it, too."

"She wasn't even involved."

"I know, but 'it reflects poorly on you' is what she said."

Ruby shrugged. "Hey, there he is."

Louis had appeared around the corner and was opening his locker.

"We've given him some space," Ruby mused. "I think we should try talking to him again."

The two had tried immediately after he found out, and for most of the first week, but then had backed off, as per Louis' request.

Twitty nodded and the two headed over to their former best friend and boyfriend.

"Louis," Ruby tried hesitantly.

Upon hearing her voice Louis slammed his locker shut and angrily slung his backpack over his shoulder. He turned to leave without looking at either of them.

Twitty jumped in front of him. "Dude, wait, just hear us out."

"Hear you out?" Louis asked in disbelief. "Hear you—no! There's nothing to hear out! There's nothing that makes this ok! There's no excuses, Twitty!"

"I know, but…"

"No buts!" Louis barked, shoving past them both and trudging off to class.

Twitty's shoulders sank in defeat and Ruby, for what seemed like the millionth time this month, used every ounce of energy she had not to burst into tears.

"That didn't go so well," Ren said, appearing behind both of them.

"No," they both replied, turning to face her.

Ren shrugged, feeling sorry for both of them, but more sympathetic to her brother, who was the real victim in the whole mess anyway. "Maybe next week."

Twitty sighed and wandered off in the direction of his class.

"Can you talk to him for me, Ren?" Ruby asked suddenly. "Tell him how sorry I am and--"

"Oh, no," Ren shook her head. "Ruby, I know I'm your best friend and you expect me to be the one to do these things… but, I told you when you first got involved with Louis that things wouldn't be the same anymore. I'm his sister too. And he's the one who got screwed over here."

"I know, but he won't listen!" Ruby begged. "Just help me, Ren."

"Maybe you don't deserve to be listened to," Ren answered coldly.

Ruby glared at her. "Some friend you are, really."

"Hey, he's my brother. He was my brother before you were my friend and you cheated on him. What do you expect me to do?"

"I expect you to at least be supportive of me! You know I didn't mean to hurt him! You know that!" Ruby snapped. "You've been so bitter about your whole deal with Tawny that you're taking it out on me, that's what this is!"

"Are you kidding me?" Ren almost laughed. Though she knew there was truth in what Ruby had said, it was hardly the driving force behind her lack of support.

Ruby furrowed her brow and stormed away.

Ren frowned, feeling a little guilty. She shrugged it off and headed to Journalism, which was now during third period, rather than after lunch in sixth.

* * *

At lunch Tawny sat with Lukas, Brandi, and Twitty. She felt guilty leaving to eat by himself, but she also felt guilty about shattering his perfect world. 

Twitty hadn't been too upset with her, surprisingly. He'd simply said that it had to come out sooner or later. He sat at the table now numbly poking at his food.

The guilt had hardly occupied Tawny's thoughts though. She was more concerned with her own problems. Namely, the fact that she had Ren now, that she knew Ren didn't like the arrangement but wanted her badly enough to agree to it, and, most importantly, the sad reality that she herself wasn't that much happier now. She was satisfied, certainly. She was no longer longing for Ren to the extent she had been. Though she annoyed herself constantly when she would be on a date with someone else, or in bed after with that person, and she always found herself waiting to be done with them and able to call Ren over. She'd hoped that the… _preference_ she'd had towards the older girl would go away once she had her regularly. But that had yet to happen. It was always Ren and everyone else…

Lukas wasn't happy with her for putting Ren in the situation she had, but he tried to not let it get to him. It wasn't his place, he'd tell himself. "So, hot date tonight, Tawny? That play you love is in town, isn't it? You've got to be going with someone…"

"Yeah, I do have a hot date tonight," Tawny confirmed with a slight smile.

"Boy, girl, or Ren?" Brandi asked, as she'd declared those Tawny's three types.

"Girl," Tawny replied. "Sarah Dawkins."

"Nice," Brandi nodded. "She's hot."

Tawny nodded in agreement. "Yes, she is."

A few moments later, Ren appeared at the side of the table. "Tawny, hey, can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Sure," Tawny said, setting her cup down on the table and getting to her feet.

She followed Ren out of the loud cafeteria, noting that the older girl seemed unusually happy. She wondered what good news Ren would have to share with her, the pleasurable bane of the older girl's existence.

Ren's eyes were bright when she turned to face Tawny. "Mr. Zimmer got two comp tickets for RENT tonight, and he can't go, so he gave them to me, since I'm, you know, me," she grinned. "And I know you like the play, so, do you want to go with me?"

Tawny frowned, her heart seeming to drop a little in her chest. "I already have plans tonight."

"Cancel them," Ren shrugged. "This is your favorite play, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but I have plans to go to it with someone else," Tawny explained, not at all enjoying watching the pain of realization come over Ren's face. "I'm sorry, Ren."

"No, no," Ren shrugged it off, wanting to hide her disappointment from Tawny. "I can find someone else. I just asked you since I know you like it. But you already…I probably should've figured anyway. It's fine."

"Come over after?" Tawny suggested, stepping closer to Ren and wrapping her arms around the older girl's waist. "Around one, maybe?"

"Maybe," Ren replied, though she'd been hoping to spend the entire evening with Tawny—she'd been hoping to make the whole thing a date, basically, in spite of Tawny's insistence on them not _dating_, per se.

"Come here," Tawny grabbed Ren by the hand and lead her down an adjacent hallway to a staircase. They slipped under the stairs and Tawny pulled Ren's lips down to hers.

* * *

Ren stuck her head out into the garage, checking for either of her parents' vehicles. Neither was home. She smirked to herself and began to ascend the stairs to her room with a half-gallon of mint chocolate chip ice cream in hand. 

When she reached the top, she saw her brother sitting on the floor in the doorway to his bedroom.

"You're not supposed to bring food upstairs," Louis muttered, surprised to see his sister breaking the rule that he always did himself. "Especially not something like ice cream."

She sat down on the top of the stairs and shrugged. "You want some? It's good relationship-mourning food. At least for girls, I don't know what guys do to get over things like that."

"I don't know what to do either," Louis frowned. "Your friend is a bitch."

"She shouldn't have slept with Twitty," she nodded, then adding: "But she didn't mean to hurt you."

"What did she think this would do?"

"I don't know," Ren conceded. "I'm not a relationship expert. I've had four semi-long, serious relationships: Bobby Deaver in the 8th, Gil in 9th, Jason in 9th, and Charlotte. Three of them cheated on me and the other wanted to dump me for the summer so he could fool around and then have me pick things up again in the fall. And now I'm in love with a girl who doesn't want me for anything but sex. And the worst part is I'm letting her have that."

"Ha, yeah," Louis nodded. "You're _in love_ with Tawny?"

Ren nodded. "And I have no idea why. It's really bugging me. But I am. I'm crazy about her."

He nodded again, somberly. "And they all cheated on you? Damn."

"Yeah," Ren frowned. "And it never gets an easier to take."

"Why do you think they did?"

"Why did Ruby cheat on you or why did everyone cheat on me?"

"I know why Ruby cheated on me," he muttered.

"Mandy Sanchez would put out, I wouldn't. I was only fourteen. That's my best guess as to why Bobby cheated. We were only together for six or seven weeks anyway. Gil is the one who wanted to break up for the summer. And Jason, well, he's an actor. He has plenty of pretty girls throwing themselves at him. He couldn't help himself—that was his exact excuse, actually. Apparently in the five months that we were together he cheated with tons of girls. And then there was Charlotte—who I was in love with, as much as you hated her, I know—and she slept with Yvette."

"And now you're with Tawny, who won't give you what you need," he said.

"She won't give herself what _she_ needs," Ren mumbled, shaking her head and spooning mint goodness into her mouth. "And do you know how much I hate the thought of her being with all those other people? Not because it's low and dirty, but because…I don't want to share her. That's not how this kind of thing is supposed to work."

"Yeah, really," Louis agreed. "At least she's not sleeping with Ruby. Then we'd really be in the same boat."

"Yeah," Ren laughed.

"We need to find better partners," Louis sighed. "Because I deserve better than this."

"You do," Ren nodded. "And I deserve more than being Tawny's sloppy seconds every night."

"Yeah, you really do," Louis nodded. "Give me some ice cream."

* * *

It was half-past twelve when Tawny snuck Sarah Dawkins out the front door and kissed her goodnight. Her parents were verbally battling in the living room, as per usual, so they paid no attention when Tawny had come in with the girl, or when she saw her out. 

Tawny watched Sarah drive off before stepping back inside.

She headed straight up the stairs, not wanting to risk the chance that her parents would see her and—not comment on her being up late on a school night—bring her into their fight. They should have aborted and then none of this would've happened… this was her father's latest painful slam against her existence.

She sat on her bed, eagerly awaiting Ren's arrival. The older girl always said 'maybe' but she always showed up. She hadn't seen her at the show and wondered if she went or if she'd given the tickets to someone else completely.

In spite of her best efforts, Tawny drifted off to sleep before one o'clock… but she woke again around three to find Ren asleep beside her.


	28. November Is A Drag Again

**A/N: **I am sorry for such a long hiatus, but I got distracted with life in the real world, and then I read a random, completely amazing fic and found myself unexpectedly obsessed with a new ship: Meredith/Addison of _Grey's Anatomy. _It's called "Sex and Caring in Seattle", to give it a little advertisement here, I encourage any and all Grey's fans to give it a look—even if you don't ship them, you'll probably enjoy the fic. It's got a lot of other stuff going on, and, honestly, is written better than the show was this last season. And, you just may find yourself swayed by the time you're done. That's what happened to me, anyway. Ok, plugging over.

Anyway, my interest in Ren/Tawny waned… until last night, I had a sudden renewed spark (and possible inspiration for yet another R/T). Anyway, now I hope to finish this fic within the next couple weeks. I wish I had a more exciting chapter to return with, but this one is kind of just filler…angsty filler, but filler nonetheless…next update will be more of the main course kind of angst though.

**Chapter Twenty-Eight: November Is A Drag Again**

"It's been almost two months…" Twitty sighed, noticing Louis enter the cafeteria. "Is he really never going to forgive me?"

"Two months, really?" Lukas asked, biting into a sandwich. The two were sitting alone in the cafeteria.

"Yeah, well, he found out on the first day of school, we gave him some space and tried again, and then gave him some more space…it's freakin' November now! It's Thanksgiving in two weeks!" Twitty groaned, resting his head in his hands. "Brandi only stayed mad at me for, like, a month."

"Well, you didn't cheat on her," Lukas replied. "You cheated on Louis. He hasn't talked to Ruby yet either then, I'm assuming?"

"No," Twitty sighed.

"I don't know what to tell you, man," Lukas shrugged. "You screwed up. Big time."

"Oh, thanks, Lukas, I hadn't realized," Twitty scoffed.

"What do you want me to say? I'm happy. I'm in a good relationship. I'm the only stable one in this whole group," Lukas said, grinning a little, though he seemed annoyed. "You and Brandi are a couple of reformed whores, you cheated with your best friend's girlfriend, who is also a whore… I guess Ren is relatively sane. But she's a miserable masochist too, courtesy of our resident nutcase, a.k.a. Tawny. I am happy and stable and things are good for me. You want me to tell you how to get here? Honesty, communication, fidelity…all the basic, common sense elements of romance, really. I shouldn't have to tell you these things. But if you'd followed those simple rules, you wouldn't have the problems you have now."

"Well, I have the problems already; help me figure out how to fix them! It's no good telling me what I could've done differently! I never planned on sleeping with Ruby! It just…happened."

"Ah, did Louis buy that explanation?"

Twitty glared at him. "Man, I am thisclose to tearing you a new one…"

Lukas smirked. "Sorry, dude. I'm just sayin'…"

"Hey," Tawny muttered, taking a seat beside Lukas and prodding weakly at her food.

"What's up?" Lukas asked, noting her blatant display of unhappiness. "You're not trying ever-so-hard to hide your agony?"

Tawny glared at him.

"Man, I'm on a roll today—pushin' all the wrong buttons…" Lukas laughed. "Well, might as well continue, right? So, let's talk about Ren. How have you mistreated her lately, Tawn?"

She scowled at him bitterly, hating the fact that she had no good comebacks since Lukas was the one whose life was going well.

Before she had a chance to say anything at all, Ruby joined them at the table. The blonde had begun to talk before even taking her seat, chattering on as if no conversation could've possibly been happening without her there.

"This is ridiculous! I mean, it's Louis Stevens we're talking about here! Louis My-Best-Friend's-Annoying-Kid-Brother-Who-Should-Gross-Me-Out-Not-Make-Me-Swoon Stevens! I can't even bring myself to sleep with other guys now!"

"Too bad you couldn't do that when you were with him," Tawny quipped.

"Fuck you, Tawny," Ruby snarled. "You're the reason all of this is happening anyway! You're the one who just had to blurt it out just because you've been so fucking miserable—which, by the way, is no one's fault but your own. If you weren't so busy running around all emo and angsty, you'd realize that. You know, I remember when you were smart, and when you were considerate of other people. What happened to_ that_ Tawny? I want her back. You're just a lonely, pathetic uber-bitch now. I'm so over you and your attitude."

Tawny didn't even know how to respond to such a vicious verbal assault, and had never expected it to come from Ruby, of all people. And then, in line with the current theme of unexpectedness in her life, she felt tears stinging her eyes. She blinked a few times furiously, refusing to cry in front of her friends for something so lame. She got up and hurried away from the table instead.

"That was a little rough," Lukas mumbled.

"Yeah, well, someone needed to say it," Ruby growled, biting angrily into a sandwich.

"Not like that, they didn't," Twitty replied.

Ruby rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

* * *

"So, it's been awhile, Louis," Ren said, catching her brother sitting on the floor in front of his locker, where he'd been eating his lunch for the greater part of the last two months. "I think you should talk to Twitty. I feel obligated to say you should talk to Ruby too, since she's my best friend, but I understand if you don't want to ever speak to her again. But Twitty… you two have been best friends since seventh grade. And you know he feels awful about all of this. You know he didn't ever mean to hurt you. You two are like family, and family forgives."

"Did you plan that or was it improv?"

"Planned. You know I don't do improv unless I absolutely have to. Ruby's been harassing me to talk to you, so I finally said I would. So that little speech was all I have to say. Don't tell Ruby I didn't talk her up though."

Louis half-smiled. "It's been really weird, not having him around. And her…well…I don't know. Sometimes I think I should give her another chance… I mean, I love her. I really do. And I think she loved me too. But then when I see her…and him…it makes me sick, Ren."

"Yeah, well, I'm not friends with any of my exes, so…don't know what to tell you there."

He sighed.

"Anyway, I was just doing my part, I have things to do now," she said, turning to leave.

"Later," he replied.

She stopped. "You know, you can eat with me some time. Not too often, of course, we don't want people to know that the Stevens have suddenly started to get along. But you don't always have to eat alone, Louis."

"Thanks, I may take you up on that," he said with a smile.

She nodded back before disappearing around a corner and heading downstairs.

Focusing most of her attention on what would be a better story for the debate section of the next issue of the paper: whether or not to introduce a new school mascot or whether or not winter formal should cease to exist on the grounds that it takes away from the "specialness" of prom, Ren almost didn't notice Tawny sitting dejectedly on the bottom steps.

She was a few steps past the stairs before she stopped, her head perking up to show that she'd noticed the person on the bottom of the stairs and was at least suspecting it was someone she knew.

_Great._ Tawny thought. Her eyes got so red when she'd been crying there was no way she'd be able to deny it.

Ren turned around, and her initially inquisitive expression quickly softened. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Tawny replied lamely.

Ren rolled her eyes and took a seat beside her. "You know I'm not going to buy that, so why do you bother?"

"You know I'm not going to talk, so why do you bother?"

"Because eventually you will talk," Ren replied. "You know you need to, you're just being stubborn."

Tawny shook her head, annoyed.

Ren got to her feet and inhaled sharply. "You know, it wouldn't kill you to focus on the _friend _part of our arrangement once in awhile, Tawny, for me."

Tawny crossed her arms over her knees and pulled them closer to her chest as she watched the older girl walk off angrily, without looking back once.

* * *

The last bell of the day, of the week, rang out loud and clear, the legions of students flocking to the doors.

"Louis!" Ruby called after him in the crowded hallway.

He hesitated, but stopped and turned.

Ruby was taken aback by his actually responding to her and faltered a minute.

"Well, what do you want?" he asked, his voice free of venom, though not of hurt.

"I just…" _I want another chance, I love you and I think we can work through this. I'm so sorry, Louis, you know I am. I hate what I did and I have no good excuse. But I'm sorry and I want another chance. I don't know if I deserve one…no…I know. I don't. _Ruby's shoulders slumped with the sudden weight of realization upon her.

"What? I'm running late, Ruby."

"It was my fault, what happened between Twitty and me, my fault more than his. He's your best friend, you should forgive him. Or at least try to. He deserves that. Twitty's a great friend and he made a mistake," she nodded, as if to inform him that's all she wanted to say, and turned quickly on her heel, disappearing into the crowd.

Louis breathed in deep. He hadn't been expecting that.


	29. Thanks For Nothing

**Chapter Twenty-Nine: Thanks for Nothing**

It was Thanksgiving Day at the Dean household, but no one gave thanks. No one felt that they had anything to be thankful for. Tawny had considered going over to one of her friend's for the meal, but decided against it, figuring it better to wallow in her own despair and not bum anyone else out. It was the least she could do, in the spirit of the holiday, not force anyone to endure her.

So she was at her house. With her family. With no turkey (though as a vegetarian that didn't really bother her). No potatoes (now this was sad). And no cranberry sauce (she'd never understood the big to-do about this though).

There were white boxes of Chinese food on the kitchen counter, which she could see from her perch atop the stairs. Her parents were there though, hovering and picking at the food like vultures. They were arguing, as per usual. That wouldn't last long though—they had decided to divorce, finally. They hadn't told Tawny yet, but she'd overheard. And even though it seemed inevitable, even though it was clearly better for all of them, upon hearing that news a little piece of her broke inside. It broke for the memories of her years spent in ignorance. The years when she was happy—when _they_ were happy. The Deans were once a happy family, as far as Tawny was concerned.

"I don't want joint custody, Joanne," Roger bellowed.

"Keep your voice down!" she hissed back.

Tawny kept listening in, knowing no good would come of her doing so.

"Have I censored myself at all this last year? No. I have not. I don't care if Tawny can hear me or not."

"I can't handle her full-time, Roger," Joanne snapped. "I don't care how much she's 'ruined your life', I think it's safe to say we've pretty much ruined hers this last year too. And it isn't her fault that she exists."

"No, it's _yours_, which is why _you_ should have to deal with her from now on. I want to start a family with Anna and I don't want to have any ties to this--"

"It takes two people to make a child," she countered.

"It takes one bitch to refuse aborting," he barked.

_No, we were __**never**__ a happy family. I just didn't know any better._ Tawny pressed her forehead against her palms. _Why am I listening to this? It's not helping anything._

She wearily got to her feet and made her way into her bedroom where she curled up on her bed, hugging a pillow close to her, and stared out the window…feeling a very strong urge to cry, but finding herself simply unable to. So she just stared blankly out at a low hanging moon already visible in the afternoon sky.

* * *

Twitty nervously hovered around outside the Stevens'. Louis had called him over for Thanksgiving dinner, as they did every year.

"Twitty?" Louis's familiar voice sounded through the telephone.

"Louis?" Twitty had been unable to hide his surprise.

"Dinner is at 4, if you're coming, just thought I'd let you know," and with that Louis hung up.

So here Twitty was. Unsure of why he was invited at all, but sensing it a good step.

"Twitty?" a familiar voice came from behind.

He whirled around to find his literal partner-in-crime, Ruby Mendel.

"Hey," Twitty greeted her. "What are you doing here?"

"Ren invited me for dinner," she explained. "I wasn't going to come because of Louis, but she said he was really ok with it."

Twitty nodded. "Yeah, he invited me."

She smiled. "That's good. That's…that's really good."

"I hope so. I'm too old to make a new best friend," he half-laughed.

"Well, we should go in, shouldn't we?" she asked, gesturing toward the door.

He nodded and pushed open the front door, ushering Ruby in before him.

"Hey!" Eileen Stevens greeted both kids enthusiastically, revealing that she probably hadn't been let in on the dramatic happenings in the life of her son.

She hugged them both. "Dinner will be on the table in less than half an hour," she assured them before scurrying off into the kitchen.

The two headed upstairs, parting ways at the top as they went to the rooms of their respective friends.

"Knock, knock," Ruby said as she appeared in Ren's doorway.

"Oh, hey," Ren replied, uninterestedly—she was reading a novel and didn't look up to greet her friend. "Louis is the one who actually invited you here tonight. I mean, not that I wouldn't have, but…well, I wouldn't have, because of the situation."

"Louis invited me?" Ruby asked, smiling in spite of herself. Her heart filled with hope.

"He did. Let him talk with Twitty for a bit, and then go over there. I think this could be good for you. Maybe things will end up ok. And everyone will be happy—except for Tawny and I, but, hey, that would take a miracle," Ren explained bitterly, not taking her nose out of her book.

Ruby detected the tone of her friend, but couldn't stop smiling at the thought of Louis inviting her here. It had to be a good sign… it _had_ to be. Didn't it?

Twitty sat on the edge of Louis's bed, watching his friend pace back and forth.

"You're my best friend," Louis explained, clearly anxious. "And you…betrayed me…in the worst way possible, pretty much. And I know you were drunk and…you're…you…but you're…a good guy. You're a good friend, Twitty. And you've been a good friend for years, up until this. This one thing. This huge thing. But this _one_ thing. So…I'm…I'm going to try and forgive you. Because you are my best friend and that doesn't just stop because you did one horrible thing."

Twitty nodded, unsure of whether or not he should say anything.

"But I've got to know, man—it was just the one time, right? With you and Ruby?"

"Totally. Just once. We felt so awful afterwards, Louis… I can't even begin to explain…"

"I know, I know," he nodded. "I've been listening to you guys, just not responding. I heard everything. I know."

Ruby appeared in the doorway then, lightly rapping her fist against the frame.

Louis looked at her hesitatingly and then sighed. "I want to try with us again too."

Her eyes went wide, filling uncontrollably with tears of joy.

"I love you, and I know you love me, and I know you won't hurt me again, so…" he paused. "So, I want to try again."

She nodded eagerly, blinking in an effort to keep from crying.

He walked over to her and pulled her into a tight hug and she let it all out.

"Dinner is on the table!" Steve hollered from downstairs.

* * *

Ren lay atop her bed, fully clothed, staring at the ceiling. It had been a good day. Ruby and Louis were back together, Twitty and Louis were back together, the food was great…

But Ren was still… the same. Everything was the same for her. Tawny wouldn't let anything change.

Just then, she heard a light rapping sound on her window.

"Speak of the devil," Ren mumbled, sliding off her bed and going over to the window. Sure enough, Tawny was sitting just outside. Ren pushed up the glass and helped the younger girl inside. "Happy Thanksgiving."

"Happy Thanksgiving," Tawny nodded back, her speech slurred just enough that Ren knew she'd done some drinking.

Ren reached up and brushed a lock of hair out of Tawny's face. "How are you?"

"Fine," Tawny replied, mechanically. "I'm fine. I just…I'm fine."

Ren nodded, inhaling deeply.

Tawny tilted her head up to look at the older girl, and for a moment, a brief moment, she considered telling Ren about her parents' divorcing. About neither of them wanting her. But instead, she moved her hands up to Ren's face and pulled her into a soft, slow kiss.

Tawny didn't even realize it, but she had begun to cry, causing Ren to pull away.

Biting her lip in frustration, Tawny muttered: "Just ignore it."

"I can't ignore that," Ren replied softly. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing," Tawny said, wiping her eyes.

"I'm not--"

"Can you take me home?" Tawny cut her off.

Anger, annoyance, and sadness all commingled in one deep sigh from Ren's lips.

Tawny turned toward the door, and Ren followed her out.

They didn't speak at all in the car, until they were in front of the Deans' house.

"You should come in," Tawny tried, desperately wanting the older girl to agree.

"Do you want to talk?" Ren asked in vain.

"No," Tawny replied. "No, I don't want to _talk_. That's not what I need from you. You…this isn't shallow and base and low, Ren, it's just…it's what I need. I need you to come inside and just…be there. Just be with me."

"I'm trying to, Tawny," Ren answered, without looking at the younger girl.

"I don't need you for talking, that's not why I come to you, Ren," Tawny said, regretting the words as soon as they left her lips. "That's not what I mean, I--"

"I am _not_ your whore," Ren interrupted coldly.

"I know," Tawny replied lamely. "I don't think of you like that."

Ren nodded. "I don't think I can do this anymore, Tawny."

"What?"

"It's not me," she lamented. "I can't do benefits with you. You don't need that. You need a friend and you won't let me be a friend. That's what I see with you. If it's really just sex, if you really want just a whore, then go find someone else. I'm in it for more than that and it's not working for either of us like this."

"Ren," Tawny protested weakly.

"Get some sleep," Ren shook her head. "Find someone you can talk to."

"Ren," Tawny tried again, though she had nothing to say.

Ren leaned across the car, giving Tawny a quick kiss and opening the door for her. "Goodnight, Tawny. And goodbye."


	30. The Revenge Impulse

**A/N: **So sorry for the delay…but things just get in the way sometimes. That's just the way of it. This is still coming along though. Tawny cannot be controlled. -sighs-

**Chapter Thirty: The Revenge Impulse**

"So…how are things going with you and Ruby?" Twitty asked somewhat tentatively. He was always a little uncomfortable bringing the blonde up when talking to Louis, given the circumstances.

"Good," Louis grinned, not seeming nearly as awkward about it as Twitty. _Seem _being operative, he simply hid it better than his friend. Louis wasn't sure if those wounds would ever fully heal. He'd learn to live with it though. "You and Brandi?"

"Things are sweet, yeah," Twitty nodded. "Things are good."

"How long has it been for you guys now?"

"Well… today is what? The ninth? It'll be three months tomorrow."

"Three months, nice," Louis nodded. "You planning something special?"

"I was going to take her out to a nice restaurant, but I've been trying to come up with something more…creative. I made the reservations already, but I was hoping for something else too. Any ideas?"

"Ha, no, I'm terrible at this kind of stuff, man. I have to keep the few ideas I do have for myself," Louis laughed. "Sorry."

"Yeah, hey, maybe I'll write her a song?" he suggested.

"Dude, that's be great, chicks love that kind of thing," Louis agreed.

"Hey babe," Brandi suddenly appeared at the table, giving Twitty a peck on the cheek.

"Oh, hey," Twitty smiled back at her, making a not-so-subtle gesture at Louis to keep quiet.

Brandi noticed his gesture, and was fairly certain what he was discussing, but she chose to let him think she had no clue. Besides, there were more pressing matters to discuss. "Do you guys know who Tawny has slept with now?"

"No," Louis sighed. "But to tell you the truth I've lost interest. Ren cut her off, like, two weeks ago and she's slept with someone different every day since then."

"No, but this one is big," Brandi insisted. "Ruby said she slept with Charlotte."

"No way, Ren's ex? Oh, that's low," Twitty said.

"Not as low as sleeping with your best friend's girlfriend," Tawny grumbled, taking a seat beside Twitty.

Twitty inhaled sharply.

Louis let out a sigh, revealing a little frustration. "Tawny…"

"Sorry, am I bringing everyone down? Should I leave?" Tawny grinned wryly, but it didn't hide her underlying feelings. "I can go."

"No," Louis shook his head. "I'm going to meet Ruby anyway." He pushed himself to his feet and left.

"That's great," Tawny lamented. "I irritate Louis. Me! Tawny! I irritate Louis Stevens! How the tides have turned, huh?"

"Tawny, seriously," Brandi started. "You need to talk to someone."

"Why? All the whoring? You and Twitty are telling me that I'm sleeping around too much? You and Twitty? Seriously?"

Neither of them replied.

"Exactly," she quipped.

Both of them remained silent.

Tawny sighed. "I am sorry for being such a bitch. I'm just…in a really bad mood."

"Yeah, you've been in a bad mood for a long time now, Tawny," Twitty mumbled. "And these last two weeks especially have been…"

"That's…Ren..." Tawny started an explanation, but found herself overcome with so much emotion that she couldn't get out a coherent sentence. "Left."

"Tawny," Brandi placed a hand on her shoulder. "We know that you're hurting. But you won't let anyone help. And Ren…you know she only wants what's best..."

"Don't talk to me about Ren," Tawny mumbled. "I don't want to talk about Ren."

"Tawny--"

"No," she groaned, pressing her forehead into her palms. "She left me. She left. I can sleep with whoever I want."

"She cares about you, Tawny. Why would you do this to her?"

"Why does everyone make me the bad guy in this? Why doesn't anyone see how Ren hurt me?" Tawny pushed herself up to her feet angrily. "She broke up with me. Why should I give a damn who she wants me with?"

"She just wanted--" Brandi tried again, only to be interrupted when Tawny stormed off.

"There's too much drama in this group of ours," Twitty sighed, shaking his head.

"Really," Brandi nodded in agreement.

* * *

"Maybe I _should _stop whoring around," Tawny mused, as Lukas took a seat beside her in the empty staircase at the end of the science hall.

"You should," he agreed, honestly a little shocked to hear Tawny _finally_ admit the fact everyone else already knew.

"I just…I am so screwed up right now. I don't know where to begin fixing myself. And Ren doesn't know either. She…she wants to help me but…she can't. How could she?"

"You can talk to her, that could help," Lukas said, mechanically since it seemed such an obvious answer. "Why have you been so against that?"

"I don't know," Tawny shook her head. "I don't…I can take care of myself. I'm the one people go to when they have problems. I don't talk to people about my problems, I listen to other people talk about theirs. I don't… I can take care of myself."

"You've been doing a less-than-stellar job of that, Tawn," he sighed, running a hand through his black hair.

She nodded. "The worst thing is, I haven't been able to be there for anyone else. And Ren… her life is fine, she doesn't have any problems—except me. I'm the sole cause of any misery she's had the pleasure of feeling for the last year… over a year, actually. And she's not the only one who's misery I'm responsible for…" her voice trailed off.

"You haven't made any of the rest of us miserable," Lukas replied.

She rolled her eyes. "Well, Twitty and Ruby weren't too happy when I told Louis about their little one night stand, and Louis was pretty damn miserable for awhile after that. So, them, plus Ren, and myself, since God knows I've made myself miserable this year…Brandi…I actually hit her at one point. She was pretty upset with me for a bit. So, really, it's just you I haven't made miserable at any point…yet."

"Well, I love ya," he grinned, throwing an arm over her shoulder and pulling her close for a half-hug. "But you do need to make some changes, Tawny. For your own good, if nothing else."

"I've been bringing everyone down with me since the beginning of last year," Tawny sighed. "I hate that. I could care less about hurting myself but the way I've hurt all of you kills me."

"You know, you're sounding rather sensible. Almost like the Tawny you were when we first met. Maybe even more like the Tawny I heard about before I met you."

She half-smiled, sadly. "That was a girl who was all talk. I give advice on how to fix problems and relationships and whatever…but I can't do anything when it happens to me."

"You learn those things along the way," he shrugged.

"You, Lukas, you are the new Tawny," she said, with a laugh. "You're the go-to person."

"Ha, yeah, even _you_ talk to me," he smirked. "But you don't tell me the most important stuff. The stuff at the crux of all this."

She sighed, but didn't say anything.

"You should stop whoring around, and you should talk to Ren," he continued. "You want to, I know it. And you want _her_. Everyone knows it, Tawny. You're the only one who's making it so difficult. Ren isn't very easy to read either… but still. She'd be there for you in a heartbeat."

Tawny sighed again. "If she… no…she could've stayed with me. She left me. She gave up on me. Or I pushed her away. I don't know."

"You put her in a situation that was really difficult for her, and you know it," Lukas countered.

"I don't understand why everyone sides with her so completely in this," Tawny replied, starting to get angry. "She knew what she was getting into from the start."

"That's true," Lukas resigned. "Doesn't mean she wasn't in the right from the start."

She scowled at him.

"Well, now that I've managed to get you back into sulk-mode, I'm going to go," he got to his feet. "But I've got to say this first, though I know you'll hate to hear it, but sleeping with Charlotte was low, Tawny. Very low."

She didn't look at him, and he soon disappeared, trotting up the stairs away from her.

_I wonder if Ren knows about it yet…I wonder if Ruby told her. Ruby tells her everything, and it would be a way to get back at me for blowing her and Twitty's cover, _Tawny considered. _Do I want Ren to know? Or do I hope she doesn't find out?_

As at a loss as she was when it came to figuring her own issues out, her feelings toward Ren were infinitely more confusing at this point. When she saw the older girl in the halls, her chest went tight, painful longing combined with carefully checked rage. Sometimes more longing, other times more rage…she never knew what it would be until she saw her.

Tawny wanted to hurt Ren, but she also wanted… she wanted to love Ren. Or, rather, she wanted to be able to allow herself that much. She wanted to stop making things difficult for herself and everyone else.

Swallowing hard, she felt the burn of tears against her pale eyes and blinked several times to keep them from falling.

"Tawny?" a familiar blonde approached her, interrupting her thoughts. She turned her teary eyes to meet those of Yvette's as the older girl took a seat beside her. "That's your name, right?"

"Yeah," Tawny replied, wiping away a tear that had managed to escape her eye.

"I heard you slept with Charlotte," Yvette said. How she felt about it was unclear.

"If you two are together or something I didn't know," Tawny explained uninterestedly. "It just…we ran into each other down town and it just happened. I don't even like her. In fact, I can't stand her."

"No, I know," Yvette nodded. She reached over and wiped a lock of hair away from Tawny's face. "I just…well, I think it's strange that you slept with her before me."

Tawny turned to her, confused. "What?"

"I don't really want to bother with sweet talk, so let's just cut to the chase, ok? You slept with Charlotte because of whatever went down between you and Stevens, right? Well, I'm the one she really hates. So, sleep with me. And make sure she knows."

"Why do you want to hurt Ren?"

Yvette shrugged. "I don't really care one way or the other. But you…well, you're hot. I've wanted to fuck you for awhile. And Lord knows you'd like to give her a sting or two."

Tawny half-laughed, flattered and disgusted and considering, when Ren's voice came up from down in the stairwell. She was talking with Ruby.

At the sound of her voice, Tawny's chest went tight. _I have to do this_. Her temples burned and she impulsively pushed Yvette back by her shoulders and straddled her, pressing her lips against the older girl's in a frantic, intense kiss. _I need to do this._

Ren came around the corner just in time to see Tawny hurriedly pulling off Yvette's top, right there in the stairwell, in the middle of the day, at school. She swallowed hard and pursed her lips as her chest went tight.

Tawny wasn't quite sure what she hoped to accomplish with this desperate attempt at revenge, but it wasn't relieving any of the pain she felt. _I want to do this._ Guilt was pulsing through her veins as she felt Ren's eyes on her. _Do I need to do this? Do I want to?_


	31. Epiphanies And What Have You

**A/N: **I am so sorry this has taken so long. I hate it when fics take too long to update and I feel terrible for keeping anyone waiting. We're almost finished with this story though. I do not, and will not, abandon a fic. If a fic of mine ever goes more than a year without updating, it's probably safe to assume I have died. -knocks on wood-

**Chapter Thirty-One: Epiphanies And What Have You**

In that moment, Ren couldn't even begin to comprehend her own feelings. Her chest was tight and eyes were burning with hurt, her head was spinning and her ears were ringing. And she wanted to be angry. She wanted to hate Tawny for being so cold and insensitive. But she couldn't.

She took a deep breath and stepped past Tawny and Yvette, her pace quickening as she slipped around the corner.

No, she wasn't angry at Tawny. There was some pain, but mostly, she was just exhausted. Tawny had become a source of stress in her life these past few months, the greatest stress. And she loved her, that hadn't gone away. Seeing her atop Yvette, of all people, hurt…but she simply wasn't in pain so much as she was just tired.

Ruby, on the other hand, was fuming. She grabbed Tawny by the arm and jerked her backwards off the older girl. "What the hell is the matter with you?"

"This really ain't none of you business, girl," Yvette said, moving toward Tawny again. But Tawny pushed her away.

"I'm not talking to you, bitch," Ruby barked at her, moving her glaring eyes back to Tawny. "You are _beyond_ fucked up, do you know that?"

"Yeah, I do," Tawny mumbled.

"Hon, nothing's wrong with you," Yvette started, only to be silenced by an icy glare from both sides. "Damn, fine. Your loss, Tawny." She rose to her feet, snatching her shirt off the ground and heading down the stairs.

Ruby was just about to say something to Tawny but was cut off by a shrill cry from down the stairwell. Yvette had tried to pull her shirt on over her head as she descended, and accidentally tripped, toppling down half the flight, and she was now shrieking in pain.

Startled, Ruby hurried down to help.

Tawny rose to her feet and moved toward the doors, figuring enough drama had happened today and she—and everyone else for that matter—would be better off with her at home. But at the last minute she turned, and found herself bolting up the steps and into the hallway. The lunch period was only half over, where would Ren be?

She ran up and down the halls frantically, tears stinging her blood-shot eyes, searching for the older girl. After nearly fifteen minutes, she finally stopped, and stood, panting, in front of the Journalism room, the last place she planned to check.

Her hand moved to the door knob, and just as she began to twist, someone else's hand swatted hers away.

"Leave her alone," Ruby growled.

"I want to talk to her," Tawny insisted, sounding more broken than ever, and not bothering to wipe away her tears.

"No, just back off, you've done enough today," Ruby glared, pulling open the door and slipping inside herself. She shut it before Tawny could get a glimpse of Ren, and the younger girl's shoulders slumped with defeat when she heard the click of the lock.

Wiping her eyes, Tawny made her way down to the cafeteria instead.

* * *

"Hey, are you ok?" Ruby asked as she came upon her friend sitting at her desk with a red pen, concentrating on some article. 

"I'm fine, Ruby," Ren replied flatly.

"Ren," Ruby began, but was cut off.

"I am. I don't expect anything more from her," Ren explained. "She has issues, Ruby. She has major issues. It's not like she's cheating on me with Yvette. She's just…I mean, yeah, it hurts, but I'm fine. I'll be fine. I…there's nothing you can do for me, and there's nothing Tawny will let me do for her. Well, not _nothing_, but nothing conducive to her getting help."

"She's been bringing you down too much anyway. You should just let her go."

"No," Ren looked up at Ruby, confused. "Let her go? She'll destroy herself. And I love her. And I think…she really cares about me, Ruby. I know she does. She's just stubborn and…has issues with…a lot of things. I won't let her go, not just yet. She just needs to work out some things first."

"Ok," Ruby sighed, not understanding her friend's thinking. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, Yvette fell down the stairs and got taken away in an ambulance. You probably heard the sirens."

"I did," Ren nodded, half-grinning. "And I am slightly ashamed to say that _does_ make me feel better."

Ruby laughed.

"What about Tawny? Did they…"

"No, I broke them up. And then when Yvette tried to continue, Tawny rejected her. She's looking for you actually."

"I don't want to talk to her right now," Ren shook her head. "She needs to work some things out first, and I need to… get the image of her and Yvette out of my head."

Ruby shrugged. "I can't believe you even want to give her a chance after she slept with Charlotte and almost slept with Yvette. She should count herself very lucky to have apparently won your heart."

"Charlotte?" Ren's head jerked up at the name. "She slept with Charlotte?"

"You didn't know that?" Ruby asked, not sure whether or not it was good for Ren to know that or not.

"She…she slept with Charlotte? CHARLOTTE?" Ren yelled, jumping to her feet. "That little whore!"

Ruby stood, mouth gaping at her friend's sudden outburst. She searched for something to say, but nothing came to her.

"How could she sleep with Charlotte? I…why would…she wouldn't…she's screwed up but that's…no, no, she….no," Ren's eyes glistened and she blinked fiercely as she shook her head. "No, no, no."

"Ren," Ruby put a comforting hand on her friend's shoulder.

She furrowed her brow and turned away, wiping her eyes with the palm of her hand.

* * *

"I need to talk to Ren," Tawny said as she sat down at the table with Twitty, Brandi, and Lukas. "I've screwed everything up so badly." 

"We got that memo awhile ago, but do you want us to pretend to be surprised?" Lukas asked, throwing an arm over her shoulder.

"I almost slept with Yvette, and she saw… because that's why I did it, so she'd see. But I didn't…Ruby interrupted us," she started to cry in spite of herself. "I don't know if I would've gone through with it…I think I would've. I'm sure I would have. 'Makes bad choices', that's what it's going to say on my tombstone: Here Lies Tawny Whore Dean, Makes Bad Choices."

"Ok, I'll remember that," Lukas nodded with a grin.

She elbowed him lightly. "Seriously."

"I know," he nodded.

"Ok, this is probably old news, and redundant, and whatever, but the friends with benefits thing worked for me, Tawny. Until I found my little sugar blossom here," Twitty winked at Brandi, who blushed. "But it really doesn't suit you. Really, really doesn't."

"You're so crazy about Ren, just be with her," Brandi chimed in. "Tell her you want to take things slow or something, but there's no reason to need to sleep with…everyone. She's not asking you to marry her or anything."

"That…" Tawny started, wanting to say 'is not it' but instead saying: "is very true." Her eyes widened as if she'd had some sort of epiphany.

"You're miserable. You want Ren. You're crazy about her. Dare I say it, you may be in love with her… just go for it already. Have her. Be with her."

Tawny slowly nodded, sniffing and blinking to keep more tears from falling. "I should…I should at least try it, right? I mean… no one's going to get hurt anymore than they already have."

"That is probably very true," Brandi agreed. "Which is kind of sad, but oddly reassuring, no?"


	32. The End Finally

**A/N: **Terribly sorry for how long this took. And, unfortunately, I hardly think this chapter is worth the wait. Endings aren't my strongest point, by far. In fact, this story started out much stronger than it has ended, I must say. And for that I also apologize. These last 10 chapters or so, I've gotten too carried away with the angst, it seems. Oh well, what can you do? In any case, I am very sorry for the delay in this update. But I promised myself it would be done before Christmas, so at least I stuck to that. Oh, and I don't know anything about how often or when or how much it snows in Sacramento, so just suspend your disbelief if necessary, k?

**Chapter Thirty-Two: The End…Finally**

Tawny hadn't been able to catch Ren for a moment alone since the episode in the stairwell. The older girl avoided her at every opportunity and Ruby made it a point to interfere whenever she could as well. It had been a week and in her head Tawny had gone over hundreds of things to say, ways to apologize, where to begin the explanation of her unbelievably indescribable behavior these past several months, the past year really. She sighed solemnly and closed her locker.

As if on cue, the older girl appeared at the end of the hall.

Tawny opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

Ren caught sight of her, and swiftly disappeared up a nearby staircase.

Ruby had informed Tawny that Ren didn't take the Charlotte news well. The nagging blonde had told Tawny to just back off, and let Ren move on. They both should just move on, that's what Ruby thought.

What did Ruby know? Tawny scoffed, and then scoffed again at herself for having the nerve to question anyone else after what she'd put everyone through. _Still…Ren and me…we should have a chance…_

"Any luck?" Lukas appeared behind her.

"No, but today is going to be the day…I can feel it," Tawny said. It had snowed nearly a foot the night before. It had been years since Sacramento had ever had that much snow, and so early in the season. Snow was something Tawny had considered a good sign even when she was little. Her father hated snow, and that made her all the more certain that it was a good sign.

Lukas nodded, out of support more than agreement.

Tawny slung her book-bag over her shoulder and made her way to class. Part of her wanted to give up the chase, to leave Ren alone, and to simply stick to the one night stands and drinking, but, for the first time in months, the part of her that won out was the part that said Ren would make her happier than alcohol ever could, that in time everything would be ok.

Tawny's opportunity finally arrived during the ten minute break between 2nd and 3rd period. She'd been hovering, discreetly, in the vicinity of Ren's locker, in hopes of catching a moment with the older girl. She'd purchased a tall caramel apple cider from Starbucks—she knew it was one of Ren's favorite drinks, and one that Tawny had spilled all over the older girl in the hall earlier that year, on the day Ren agreed to the 'friends with benefits' arrangement to begin with…

Ren didn't notice Tawny sneak up behind her, though it seemed like everyone else in the hall knew something big was going to go down between the two girls, and quickly vacated the area. It was the rapid emptying of the hall that caught Ren's attention, causing her to look up, and then, in dismay, lock eyes with Tawny.

"Hey, Ren," Tawny said, forcing a smile and holding the cup of cider up as a peace offering.

Ren's face was expressionless.

Tawny found herself at a loss for words, wanting to say so many things, but only managing, finally: "How have you been?"

Ren tilted her head to the side. "That's it?"

"Well, no…"

"You slept with Charlotte," Ren stated, her voice cold and hard. "How do you think I've been doing?"

"I…"

"I don't know why you are even bothering with this, Tawny. We're done. We were done a long time ago."

Ren shut the locker more forcefully than she needed, though she didn't quite slam it, and, turning on her heel, she left Tawny standing alone with her cider.

* * *

"Hey Ren," Louis sat down next to his sister when the lunch period began.

"Hey Louis," she replied, without looking up at him.

"I don't really have much time, but Lukas is insisting I talk to you, so…"

"If it's about Tawny, I don't want to hear it," Ren stated simply, quietly, and pained with the image of Tawny's pleading blue eyes burned into her every thought.

"I think that what Twitty did to me was worse than what Tawny did to you. It was almost the same, except Twitty is my best friend and he stabbed me in the back. Tawny is just a girl you know, that you love, who has been going through a really rough time…according to Lukas anyway. She messed up and…if I could give Twitty a chance, you could give Tawny one."

With that he abruptly rose and left the table.

Ren sighed. He had a point… but Ren had spent forever trying to get Tawny to come around. She had given Tawny plenty of chances.

She shook her head and tried to clear her thoughts, only to catch site of Charlotte making out with someone else at the other end of the cafeteria. Ren frowned and pushed herself up from her seat, making her way out of the room. She didn't care for Charlotte one way or the other anymore, but she didn't think she'd ever be ok with seeing her with anyone else.

She headed to the Journalism room, her safe haven, only to find Tawny sitting in the room, reading over something.

Every fiber in her being told her to go the other way, but for some reason Ren entered the room and closed the door behind her instead.

Tawny looked up, obviously startled. "I-I wasn't trying to… I just wanted to check something."

"Check what?"

"The article I wrote for you last year," Tawny replied, looking down at the pieces of paper in front of her. "The one you wouldn't print."

Ren nodded, but didn't say anything. She sat down across from Tawny.

"It is pretty inappropriate," Tawny said quietly, after a few minutes of painful silence.

"Oh, you're finally going to forgive me for that? Now? How convenient! Just when you're trying to get me to listen to you…"

"I am sorry, Ren," Tawny said. "I know I've been…difficult."

Ren laughed. "Ha, no kidding…"

"Ren, come on," Tawny started, getting annoyed, but trying as hard as she could to keep her temper in check.

"Come on?" Ren repeated indignantly.

She looked livid, and Tawny didn't know what to say.

Then, all of a sudden, Ren lunged forward, grabbing Tawny by the collar of her shirt and pulling her across the table toward her. She kissed her, hard and fast. And before Tawny knew what was going on, her top had been torn from her body and she was pinned down on the table under Ren, the older girl's lips hungrily devouring her own, and her sure hands deftly covering the surface of her smooth body, making their way up her back, toward her bra strap…

"Stop this at once!" Mr. Zimmer bellowed suddenly, shattering the moment.

Ren looked up and where Tawny expected shock and humiliation, she found a devilish smirk. Still obedient though, Ren climbed off of Tawny. She hurried past Mr. Zimmer out the room.

Tawny scrambled for her shirt, finding it terribly ironic that she was as embarrassed as she was, when Ren seemed so…cool and collected... which is not the right reaction, considering what they had just been caught doing.

"You know, I'd call your parents but I've done that a couple times already and to no avail, so I'm not going to bother this time," Mr. Zimmer started. "But in the future, you know, these doors lock."

Tawny laughed awkwardly, more than confused with the situation at hand. Had Zimmer caught Ren in the act before, or something? Was that why both of them seemed so ok about it and she, the girl who very nearly had sex in a public stairwell a week before, was utterly humiliated? That's when possibility number two hit her: maybe Ren planned this whole thing… No, no…that would be the Louis-way to respond, not Ren though, she wouldn't do something like that. Humiliating pranks weren't Ren's thing…at least, Tawny hoped they weren't.

She spent the rest of the lunch period trying to find the older girl, with no luck.

When the final bell rang at the end of the day, Tawny still hadn't seen Ren once since lunch. So, with new confidence and a firm resolve that Ren still wanted her, she headed over to the Stevens' house. She stopped at Starbucks on the way for a peppermint mocha, almost getting another caramel apple cider, but then refraining.

Ren wasn't home when Tawny got there, so the younger girl opted to linger around the front lawn and intercept Ren whenever she did show up.

Tawny waited nearly two hours before Ren pulled into the driveway. She didn't seem surprised to see Tawny when she got out of the car.

"Hey," Tawny said, the words barely audible.

Ren approached her silently, stopping about two feet away from her.

Tawny just stared at her, still struggling for her own words.

"I was at Ruby's," Ren spoke suddenly, a wry smile playing on her lips. "I am under strict obligation to report to her whenever I have any sort of sexual encounter, so she can be up to date on the latest gossip. On principle I think it's none of her business, but by now I know she finds everything out anyway, and if she hears news about me from someone else she tends to get ridiculously…well, emo, for lack of a better term."

"Well, I'm familiar with emo, so that works," Tawny smiled weakly.

"Are you going to talk to me, Tawny?" Ren asked, her face full of concern.

Tawny swallowed hard. "I…I can try."

"Ok," Ren nodded, taking a seat on the front porch steps, high enough that it was covered by the overhang and not coated in snow.

Tawny took a seat beside her and sipped from her now-cold peppermint mocha. "I don't know how to do this," Tawny sighed. "It just…I guess it all started with my dad's affair...or, before that even…I mean…my parents were fighting a lot…all the time…and then it turned out my dad was having an affair…and he never wanted me. And he still doesn't. And my mom…I don't think she does either, not really. I'm just this unfortunate thing that happened and bound them together…" Tawny frowned, biting her lip, the tears streaming down her cheeks now, in spite of her best efforts to keep her emotions in check.

"You can't keep things like that bottled up inside, Tawny," Ren said, rubbing her hand in comforting small circles on the younger girl's back.

"Yeah, well, I know that now… but it's easier said than done."

"Everything is."

"Well, thank you."

"For what?"

"For being so damn persistent."

"Ha, well, I gave up on you in the end there…when I probably should have tried the hardest," Ren said, her voice revealing more frustration with herself than Tawny expected to hear.

"Yeah, well, you kept it up for months. You were very…dedicated to the cause…of me."

Ren laughed. "I can be that way, sometimes. When I really care about something I can be tremendously obstinate about it," Ren said softly, then smiling: "Although, you more than gave me a run for my money in the stubbornness department."

Tawny laughed through her tears. "Well, I can't promise _that_ will be ending now. I've always been stubborn, regardless of how screwed up or not I may be in a given year."

Ren nodded. "I can handle stubborn, but just know that I meet stubbornness with stubbornness. And fighting fire with fire…doesn't usually work."

"Are you saying this won't work? With us, I mean?"

"I don't think this is going to be an easy relationship," Ren said. "But I think it could work."

"Good," Tawny said, smiling through her tears.

"Now, your dad…"

"He's…I…this is going to take hours," Tawny said, her shoulders sinking in frustration.

"It's probably going to take longer, but we have time, and I'm here," Ren said, sliding an arm around Tawny and pulling her closer. "Everything is going to be ok."

Tawny smiled and wiped her eyes. "Everything is going to be ok."

She rested her head on Ren's shoulder just as more snow began to fall from the darkening sky.

Everything would be ok.


End file.
